Post 0005: Meh


Sort of in a low energy mood. Not really sure why either.

When I got home yesterday around 7 I went straight to sleep. I was just really tired and didn’t have much motivation for anything. I ended up waking up around 2 and of course couldn’t go back to sleep, so I ate and cross stitched for a little bit before going back to sleep around 6ish. I slept until 10:30 and have been awake since.

I think of the feeling low thing has to do with not being able to finish the cross sticht projects I’ve been working on. I still need to buy the krienik thread for them, and right now money is so tight that I don’t really think I should buy anything.

I know I’m stressing over the situation with Jarrett. He still hasn’t responded to my multiple messages asking about when I can get the money from his roommate, and no response about when I can expect to get his half. In my head I can see him not ending the lease and me being stuck with him in my life for the rest of forever.

I want him to grow up. At least be an adult and respond to a message with something like “I’ll let you know when”. Just something, so I know you’re not sitting there ignoring me like I know you are, since all you did while we were dating was play on your phone. Most of the time it felt like you had more of a relationship with it than you did with me. You certainly spent more time with it.

So much frustration still, and there is nothing I can do to make it better. All I can do is wait, and I hate that. Being at the mercy of other people; specifically irresponsible and immature people.

Seriously, if he would just respond I would be fine because then I would at least know something.

I have three cross stitch projects almost complete now. September, October, and November. I have decided not do move on to December until I get the thread for it. I’m sort of done with doing projects that I can’t finish at the moment.

I’ve moved on to working on the Dragons of the Elements. I’ve started with water so I can look at the pretty blues. I’ve done this one before while I was in high school, so I’m really looking forward to seeing how much cleaner and neater it turns out. I know my stitching has greatly improved, and I am using a higher count fabric, so the holes will be smaller, which makes the piece overall look more professional. I like it and it makes something in my brain happy.

I’ve prepped all of the fabrics for Water, Fire, Earth, Air, and Spirit. I even did two for Compassion and Hope, which fit well with the series. There’s an extra piece which I plan to use for Jace’s birthday present. So once I get the thread for that it is good to go.

I had lunch with Mechanic today. We got to talk about the break up, and I got to explain my side of the story.

From what Sir told her I didn’t want to move in even though he had done everything he could to make me happy. I figured his story would be something like that. That is not how I see the situation, but I am not him, and to be honest I really don’t care what he tells people. I know why I left, and I feel justified. I feel like I did everything I could, and that in the end the relationship became toxic for both of us. I feel I did the humane thing for both of us.

She was kind enough to buy lunch for me since I’m so tight right now, what with Jarrett being a jerk and Sir owing me $100. Why is it that every guy I date fucks me over financially? If they are ‘men’ and independent then why are they in my checkbook? Another reason I’m sort of done with dating for the next foreseeable forever.

We had lunch at Moe’s which was fantastic. I have a lot of really positive memories of having lunch there when I lived at home with my mom and when I dated Warren #1. It’s just a really good place for me, so it was nice to be able to share it with her as well.

They ended up having a new Chili Con Casco burrito thing, which is totally not what I would normally get, but I wanted to try something new, so I got it. And it was really awesome actually. I’m glad that I tried it out.

After lunch Mechanic was even more fantastic and gave me the $20 that she owed me. It was such a huge relief to be able to add that money into my bank account. I can get gas for the car now.

I moved $100 into savings, but I really don’t want to touch that if I don’t have to. So I’m going to try to do everything in my power to not touch it.

After lunch I went back to the apartment and set up all of my cross stitchings and started on the water dragon while I watched more Thunder Cats. I have about 10 more episodes left in the series.

Currently I am at work poking through Spotify and adding more music to my playlists and picking through the other things on my to-do list.

Like I said, it’s been a pretty low day, but I’m sort of ok with that. With how crazy the last nine months have been I’m sort of ok with mellow and uneventful. I feel like it will be this way for a little bit to allow me to recover from Jarrett (if he will ever get out of my life), and Sir.

I need to figure out what to do with the phone since I’m still on his account. One thing at a time. I also need to figure out if I’m allowed to take vacation so I can visit my mom. That would be super uber fantastic. A solid week of doing nothing work related. Just my school assignments, which will be Art History. I don’t think that is going to be all that intensive. I could go ahead and do the training tutorials that I’ve been looking at.

Well, I need to get my calendar set up and figure out gym times and such. Of course my calendar won’t be set until around Wednesday of next week, but at least this gives me an idea of the worst case scenario. I’m hoping some of the labs get condensed down.

Here’s to hoping.


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