I can see the situation with Susan is going to become an issue.
I can feel myself getting more and more angsty about it.
I am not getting my morning alone time with my cup of coffee without her coming out and cooking breakfast in the kitchen. Moving pots around, things sizzling in skillets. Without her making conversation with me.
I feel this is where introverts get the reputation for hating people.
I don’t hate her. But… gtfo… like, for real.
This is my space. This is my morning routine. And your messing with it, which makes me beyond hostile. I’m not getting the recharge I need. So I don’t ‘hate’ you. I hate the whole world. Thanks for messing it up for everyone.
I cleaned out a spot in the fridge yesterday, half of the bottom most shelf, so I could have a spot for my yogurts and containers of lunches, and when I came home last night the order and structure I had created was totally f’ed all to hell so they could put a pot of rice in my space.
Can I not have half of a self for my food? Last I checked, I’m still paying half of rent… so Susan being here hasn’t benefited me at all… Let me have at least half a shelf so I can eat.
I’m getting angrier and angrier about it with each day. More sensitive to each infraction.
And I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.
What am I supposed to say?
“Hey Joshua. I know Susan is super sweet and everything, and that this is technically your apartment, but she has to go because I’m a super bitchy introvert.”
I feel that’s essentially what it boils down to. That my need for space overrides logic and that I should be able to function, sharing space with someone while they do their thing. I feel I ‘should’ be able to enjoy my coffee even if Susan is cooking breakfast for her and Joshua.
But I can’t. It grates on my nerves that my routine is having to change and that I wasn’t consulted about this change, had no say in it what so ever, and that at the moment I haven’t found a suitable alternative.
I came home from holiday break to find her computer set up in ‘my space’ on the kitchen table… not cool bro.
I feel that makes me a small person. That I can’t let go of this and that I’m letting it eat away at me.
I don’t know what to do yet. But something is going to have to change. This is the one place where I’m supposed to be able to recharge. And I cant with the current situation.
Part of me wants to go ahead and move in with Monica.
Susan graduates at the end of the month, so in my head the situation will only get worse. She won’t have class to go to, so she’ll constantly be around. Same with Joshua. They will always be here.
I don’t know if I could make it through two months of no alone time. It hasn’t even been a full month yet and already I’m grating my teeth each morning.
I don’t think it would be so bad, but it’s every day. Every morning. Every evening. People constantly here, out and about. I leave work where I constantly interact with people, to come home… where I now have to constantly interact with people…
I didn’t want this change.
And I feel like all I am doing is whining. There are so many other problems that I could be having right now. I should be grateful that this is my only one. That this one minor thing is the only woo in my life, and that I should just deal with it. Suck it up. It’s not that bad.
I wish, so desperately wish, I could let it go.
Aside from that yesterday was pretty awesome.
I stitched for a bit before going into work. I got to watch the Photoshop tutorials I wanted to and got started on the color assignment. During break I ran to Jo Anne’s Fabrics to get some thread that I needed for my current project.
I needed two colors, but they only had one. Lame… I plan to go to Michael’s this weekend to see if I can get the last color. While I was out I went to Bath and Body works to get a new loofa for my gym bag since I really like the one I got during the holiday break.
Over all it was a really chill evening.
I did have a staff meeting earlier in the day that I had to go to. I was called out for my 3 year anniversary with the school in front of everyone.
Yay….. said no introvert ever.
It honestly wasn’t that bad, but I did come home afterwards to curl up in bed with Scarlet for about 30 minutes. I needed to recover.
But yeah… aside from this ‘no alone time’ thing eating away at my inner peace things are going fine. And really I know it’s an issue only because I haven’t said anything about it.
If only I could figure out what to say without sounding like an unreasonable jerk.