Daily Post 0057: That Moment When Your Car Is Missing…


This morning has been fantastic. And by fantastic I mean bat-shit insane.

Today isn’t so much of a life defining moment, as much as it’s a ‘life lesson’ sort of day.

So, story time… Trust me. It’s worth it.

After writing my blog last night I actually stayed up until 4am writing the essay for the competition my school is doing. I emailed the file to my family and to Mother Earth and J to proof read. Once that was done I felt accomplished and went to sleep.

I slept really well, and ended up waking up around 8:30. Plenty of time to enjoy a cup of coffee, pack up for the day, and get to the gym in time for the 9:30 spin class.

So that’s what I did. Enjoy coffee, check. Pack gym bag and lunch box, check and check. Get dressed so I can kick ass and take names at the gym, double check.

So there I was, book bag, lunch box, and gym bag strung all over me, walking out to my car ready to take on the day… only to not see my car…

Damn… Maybe I forgot that I parked on the other side of the building. Man. I’ll feel silly if I have to walk the long way to my car… again… Not like I’m making a habit out of doing this… But wait… No… That’s not right. I didn’t park over there because I stood next to my car for an hour talking to mom last night… I know this is where I parked…

Like seriously, my brain was just like, “Huh, there’s no car. That sucks…”

There wasn’t, “Holy shit. What do, what do? Panic, freak out, flip shit.”

It was hardcore, left brain all the way. Super detached. Super calm. No feels, just info.

Hmmm, that’s odd. I wonder what happened to the car. Let’s get our clipboard and magnifying glass. Does our mechanical pencil have lead? Awesome, lets go solve this puzzle. 

So I went back into the apartment, put all my stuff down and walked back outside, hoping that no one had seen me walk out to the empty parking lot with half of my worldly possessions on me. I hoped if anyone had seen me that it didn’t look as awkward as it felt.

I went to the leasing office and talked to one of the ladies there. I asked if any cars had been towed that morning because I couldn’t find mine.

I was told that yeah, there had been a little red car towed. It had been tagged twice for expired tags.

Bullshit, it had been tagged one for not being registered at the complex. But since I technically am not allowed to have my car there anyway since I’m not on the lease there wasn’t much I could do to argue the towing.

And excuse me… expired what?

Hmm… More information. *inner scientist scribbles on her clipboard*

Is there any way I can have my car back?

 Sure, here’s a number. 


So I got a number to call for the towing company and went back to the apartment.

Of course my phone had less than 10% charge. I held my breath as I called the number, praying that my phone would last long enough to figure something out.

It actually worked out fairly well. The guy I talked to was super nice. He told me everything that I needed to get my car back, how much it would cost, and where they were located, which was super close to school.

After that I called Clavan. Since there wasn’t lecture today I was hoping he would be able to help me out. Again, I held my breath the whole time as if that would make my phone’s battery last longer. It seemed like legit logic.

Clavan was actually taking the day off, so he had nothing going on. He said he would be over to help me out, and that he had no problem taking me to the DMV.

Literally right after I hung up the phone the battery died.

I would have charged it… but my charger is conveniently located in my car… which didn’t really help me very much.

One of the things I needed for the DMV was proof of insurance, which again, was in my car. Clavan and I went to the DMV first to get our spot in line. There was a 40 minute wait, but the system is actually pretty spiffy and is able to send text messages to your phone with time updates, so while we were ‘waiting’ we ran to school so I could print the proof of insurance paper from my online account.

By the time we got back to the DMV I had a text message saying I had about 10 more minutes to wait.

Oh. I suppose I should say that Clavan was awesome and had an iPhone 4 charger in his car so I was able to bring my phone back to life. I texted Joshua to let him know what was going on, since he had been the one to tell me that my car wouldn’t be towed.

I got the new tags, drove over to the towing place, had to wait around for the guy to get back from his lunch break, paid $125, then drove out of the compound with my little red Mazda. ❤

I felt like a knight rescuing my beloved from the evil dragon.

That was after I paid $35 at the DMV for the what, 2×2 sticker to put on my car. $35? Really?

I didn’t have to pay any late fees though. The lady I had at the DMV was super nice, and I actually didn’t have to ‘wait’ to be seen when you think about it.

So all things considered it was a pretty smooth and painless process. Minus the $125 towing fee…

I honestly never got a reminder about my tags, but Florida doesn’t care. You should know that every year on your birthday your tags expire.

Until this year my car has had South Carolina tags, so I always waited for my mom to let me know that I needed to pay. She would pay for the tags, mail them to me, and I would pay her back.

I didn’t even think about it because there was always something to trigger or remind me, “Hey this is important. You should do something about it.”

When I went to the DMV the address they had on file was the apartment I had with Jarrett. The only thing I can think of is that they mailed it there and he was spiteful and didn’t give me my mail after our breakup.

I would have remembered if I had gotten something important like that. I would have taken care of it.

But yeah, overall I couldn’t have asked for it to go any better, or to happen on a better day. I didn’t have to be to work until 1pm. There was someone able to help me out. And everything got taken care of on the first go.

Super important life task, done for the next year. And super important, expensive life lesson learned. I’ve already made a repeating calendar event for “Renew Car Tags” on my calendar. So hopefully I never have to repeat this lesson.

It would be really nice if life lessons weren’t so expensive…

Once I got the car back I was starving. I had planned on drinking a shake while driving to the gym… but that plan got botched. So I hadn’t eaten anything. My only calorie intake was my coffee at 8:40-ish.

I messaged Frank to let him know that I might be late to lab. Not only had I not eaten, but I needed to go home and shower and change into work cloths since I was still dressed for the gym.

I stopped by Taco Bell for food, took it home and ate, showered, repacked my bag so I would be ready for aikido tonight, then headed back out to the parking lot.

Luckily my car was where I had left it this time.

So here I am, sitting in lab.

This morning did not go at all how I thought it would. But somehow it still worked out. After this post I’m going to start work on my freelance. That’s really my main focus for today and tomorrow. Just needed to get this story out of my system before I got to work.

I’m glad I was able to handle this situation. It makes me feel like maybe I am doing something right with life. I was able to be an ‘adult’ and take care of myself, and I had people in my life who were able and willing to help me when I legitimately needed it.

I think today can be labeled as a win. And that makes me feel good.

Daily Post 0056: .5 Mile Owned


So much busy. All of the busy. And still I’m up and writing. The conclusion to all of the busy. Wrapping everything up and giving myself closure so I’ll be able to sleep guilt free.

I never got around to working on the freelance project, which I’m not sure how I feel about. Sort of not good. I wanted to make progress there instead of saving so much of it for tomorrow. I don’t think I’m going to be staying up much later though. It’s already 2am, and I’m just starting this writing.

Realistically I’ll be done between 30 minutes to an hour from now… And I’m tired so I would be doing dodgy work at best… Just doesn’t seem like good juju to me.

So yeah, no work on the freelance. Lame.

During the first lab I wrote a response to a blog I follow. I wrote my daily post. I looked at the daily prompt but it sucked because they’re being lame and stuff.

I check my work email. The school does this Hall of Fame event every year. It’s going to be happening at the end of March, so they’ve been sending out all sorts of emails asking for volunteers, seeing if anyone wants to do presentations, stuff like that.

Well, they are also doing a contest for students. Each Hall of Fame has ‘inspiration’ words associated with it. It seems that this year they are doing a writing contest. Students have the opportunity to write an essay regarding one of the ‘inspiration’ words for this year. The best 50 will be chosen for a VIP Experience.

The words are: creative, driven, innovative, bold, disrupter, and achiever.

I have 500 words to describe how I embody one of those traits.

Dude… this is so my thing…

Ok… maybe not writing about myself (I type that as I write a blog post that is 100% completely about myself… ), but writing in general is totally one of my strengths. I’m so going to try going for this.

So at some point before the first I need to write that essay. Since it’s such a short essay, I might do my rough draft tonight so I can sit on it for a bit.

So that was pretty nifty.

I ended up meeting with Desiree at noon, during my lab and that lasted until around 1:15. After that I had a meeting with Huston and Luis to talk about code, which went extremely well.

By then it was around 2:40. I went into the Finals lab to meet with Tre and brain storm through some issues he was having with a character concept. Before that though, Desiree was having another issue.

To be fair, she asked for direction with a script earlier, and this issue was with the rig she is working on. So it was something totally different. That was another 20 minutes though.

I finally got to talk with Tre and we got some really good ideas going for his character. I left the room around 4ish and went back to the break room where I had set all of my stuff.

I had started replying to the discussion posts on Conceptshare during the CRI1 lab, so once I got back to the break room I finished replying to the ones I wanted to. By then it was past 5, and Ari and come into the break room. It seemed like a good time to pack up for the gym.

I did end up running. On the treadmill. I honeslty have only been on them a few times, and it always felt weird, so I didn’t think I would like it. But I didn’t think I would be able to run the track with how sore my shins were still.

But I was determined to do my run damnit. Hell or high water sort of a thing.

So, yeah. I gave the treadmill a go, and it actually was pretty awesome. I did the whole half mile, no stopping. 12 minutes. I’m so happy with myself.

It was pretty hard at the end, and I kept having to tell myself, “You’re not going to stop. You’re a warrior. You’re a fighter. You’ve got this.” Even though half of my brain was staying anything but nice things.

I was super surprised that my shins didn’t hurt at all at the end. It was all muscle soreness. Which is awesome. That means I’m pushing my endurance. I ended up doing some of the upper body machines and stretching at the end.

By then it was time for aikido, and I seriously thought about not going. It was the advanced class followed by weapons class. I didn’t know if my body was up for that, especially when I had just reached an amazing achievement.

I’ve never run that long in my life I’m pretty sure. Not even as a kid.

I felt like I wuld be cheating myself if I didn’t at least try to do the class though. So I went under the condition that it was to ‘see’ if I was up for it. If it hurt or was too much there wasn’t anything wrong in backing out. I tried and could be happy with that.

So I got there, changed into my gi, and bowed in.

We did a bunch of stretching in the beginning, like normal, but I had already done a bunch of stretching at the gym, so for me it was an extra a lot. Which my muscles were totally ok with.

I honestly think that’s the only reason I was able to stay for both classes.

Once again it was an amazing class.

Paul was there. He’s a super high rank. Not sure exactly how high, but I know he is high enough to be a Sensei himself if he wanted to. When I asked how long he has been practicing he said 17 years.


I feel like such a novice when compared to something like that. I haven’t even being doing this for two months yet. I worry that it’s frustrating for experienced people like that to work with someone like me. There are still so many things that I mess up or forget or just can’t seem to get right yet.

He was super nice about it though, and all of the times that he has been my partner he has helped me tremendously. I still prefer Sensei Jan though.

Paul ran the weapons class today. We got to practice with the bokken, the classic wooden sword. It was the first time I’ve ever held one.

It felt right. More so than the jo (staff). I didn’t have as much of an issue with attacking after my session with Sensei Jan yesterday. I could tell Judy was holding back. She was my partner for the first half of the class.

I could see her hesitation. I could feel her worry that my bokken was going to hit her. It was interesting to see. It gives me something visual. That’s what I look like when I hold back and don’t attack honestly. Fully. That’s what hesitation looks like. Fear.

Seeing it actually made it easier for me to attack. Not because I’m an evil person or anything. I could see how her posture wasn’t correct so it reminded me of what mine ‘should’ be. Seeing her arms draw in towards her chest rather than extending showed me why extension is important and to keep my arms out, to think about the bokken as an extension of my arms, and to reach it out, away from me.

I think it was a good experience.

In the end I ended up practicing with Sensei Jan, and we found a good rhythm, advancing back and forth. We even got to trash talk each other while we did it, which was awesome. It made attacking easier because it seemed less serious. It was practice.

Overall, awesome, like always (since you know… two months is always).

I chatted with my mom on the way home. She had sent me a message this morning saying she was bored and just wanted to chit chat if I found some free time. So I was on the phone with her for about an hour.

Once I finally got inside I cooked two ¼ burger patties which I topped with cheese, mustered and ketchup.

I had a few emails to write for work, a podcast to make for a student, and a demo reel to critique. All of that got done. /flex.

So really the only thing I haven’t done as far as the to-do list is concerned is work on freelance.

I think with everything else that I was able to achieve today I can give myself a break.

I did really well today, especially with how much interaction there was. I think I’m allowed to sleep without feeling like a slacker.

Daily Post 0055: Mastering the Attack


I got laundry done. My gi was back to being a nice, pretty white rather than icky from the dojo’s mat and sweat. That means it once again smells awesome and makes me want to cuddle with it. Still resisting the urge to do that…

I came back home after packing the laundry into the car and thought about the gym but never made it there. I worked on the freelance project instead and finished cooking the corned beef meal I had going.

I got the food packed into lunch containers and cleaned up the kitchen before having lunch and running through the task list I had for the rig.

I sent the file off to Tre for a once over, but overall she was fine. He recommended one change. Since I had an attribute for hiding the wing geometry he suggested having the attribute hide the icons as well, so they weren’t left floating in space and confusing the animator.

I made a quick podcast for Ray to walk him through the rig. Not that he really needed it. I’m sure he’s competent enough to figure things out. But it’s nice to know what you’re getting. It also allowed Tina to see my work.

So I got that uploaded to Vimeo and sent Tre a link so he could scrub through that. I say ‘Um’ a lot. But it was the first run through, and very informal, so I wasn’t worried about it. It got the message across, and wasn’t awful while doing it. That’s a win in my book.

If I wanted to re-record it I would have had to wait until 8ish that night, which wasn’t something I wanted to do. My goal was to have the files emailed to Ray before EOB.

By the time I had the video online and had showered it was time for work. I went to the SAL lab where I finished off the change for Cyphera. Encrypto was solid as well. Tre thought the video was fine, so I packaged everything up and emailed Ray the files.

I worked on homework from there, finishing off the reading for this week. I took the quiz and got a 90 on it. I’m alright with that.

Frank ended up having to pick up his son from school, which meant I was alone in the lab for about an hour. I guess his dad normally picks him up, but he was having car issues.

I didn’t get a whole bunch of questions while I was alone, and most of them were more about the artistic quality of the renders. Nothing I couldn’t handle.

After lab I went over to FS4B to the upstairs offices to finish off my assignments for this week.

While I was setting up my computer I heard Marcus talking about a rigging issue, so I snuck over and offered my help.

He was trying to make his rig scalable. Which isn’t hard, but by default it normally breaks the rig. The trick is knowing ‘where’ it is breaking, so you can get the connections set right.

It took me a few minutes to figure it out, but we got the rig cleaned up and working perfectly, so that was a lot of fun. It’s like solving a puzzle. It makes me feel good when I’m able to figure it out.

I got the two exercises done for this week’s assignments, which only left replying to the discussion board and a Lynda.com tutorial.

We heard back from Ray before I left work.

He loved the video, and said he didn’t see anything that needed to be fixed or changed, and that he couldn’t think of anything he would wanted added. He also said that the facial deformation we were able to add was more than he had been hoping for with the models, so that was fantastic to read.

Got to love overachieving.

It was really good news for Tre and I, and we’re both doing little happy dances. Realistically we can have this wrapped up within the week. Good feels all around.

We asked about the UVs again. If they are going to change then Tre and I need to know about it since that affects our work.

Ray said that once he had the final models from us (since we had to change things) that he would create the UVs.

I told him that was fine, but once the UVs were done, Tre and I would have to go back to the rig files so the changes didn’t mess anything up. To keep the workflow lossless Ray would need to reference the rigs into his scene instead of importing. Which he said he had no problem doing.

I’m glad we talked about that issue before any animation work got started. If he had imported the files it would have been so much more of a hassle later down the road.

But yeah. Freelance is going smoothly and well. Which I’m totally ok with. : D

Once homework was done and all emails replied to I packed up so I could go to aikido. Last night was Fundamentals and Open.

My gi wasn’t done air-drying by the time I had to leave for work, so I packed yoga stuff and hoped that it would be ok to practice in civvies.

Sensei Jan is back from his trip to Canada. I guess he had to go there for work, though I’m honestly not sure what he does outside of the dojo.

It was so good to see him again. And Sensei Beata was there as well. Jan ran the fundamentals class. There was only one other student last night. I don’t remember his name, but I see him fairly often. He is going to UCF for Mathematics.

Because the class was so small it was really one on one training.

Sensei Beata taught the open class. The guy from the fundamentals class had to leave, but Richard was there, so again, it was more one on one training. I really enjoyed both classes.

Richard is another person that I see fairly often and have become comfortable with. I never knew his name because he is always referred to as Butterfly.

I asked about it last night, if there was a story to the nickname.

Sensei Jan smiled and explained that he had been teaching Richard some technique during a class when Richard was a new student and that Richard kept using muscle and trying to force the move. Jan had said that Richard needed to be more like a butterfly, and the name stuck since then.

It made me smile hearing the story because Richard is anything but a butterfly. Seriously, he reminds me of an ox. Super broad, wall like shoulders and chest of pure muscle. You couldn’t get him to budge if your life depended on it sort of stature. So thinking of him as a butterfly, all fairy like dancing around on his tippy toes is just too cute of an image not to smile at.

During the first class Sensei Jan really helped me with attacking. He said he appreciated me not wanting to hurt him. But that if I didn’t give an honest attack than there could be no aikido.

He can ‘feel’ things like me. So he could feel even when I did follow through with my attack when I was holding back or pulling the momentum back.

I can feel it in myself too. I can feel when I have that knee jerk reaction to stop my hand from contacting. I can feel the tension in my arm, restricting the flow, killing off the energy.

It’s so much different when I follow through fully with the motion. There’s so much more potential.

And when I give all of that energy into the movement Sensei Jan is able to seamlessly blend with it. I do absolutely nothing, but some how I am turned and end up on the ground.

When I don’t resist or analyze or try to control, when I just go with what feels right and natural, it’s amazing. I can feel the transition.

So yeah, that was awesome and I’m glad I was able to spend the time working directly with an instructor.

During the second class there was a lot of attacking as well. A lot of work on keeping our extension and space, and not letting the arms collapse towards the chest during the moves. It was about not being afraid to meet your attacker.

Instead of starting from static, pre-set positions, we were moving towards each other. There was momentum from the attacker, which you, again, have to blend with in order to transfer it back to the other person.

Really fun, cool stuff, that makes my brain happy.

Richard and I stayed for about an extra hour just talking with Jan and Beata. They’re pretty amazing people, and I enjoyed just chatting with them. That’s where the butterfly story came up. I also got to find out more about Jan’s introduction to aikido.

There was a card for Sensei Mike which I signed. We all want to show our support for him.

Once I left the dojo I ended up coming home and having chili for dinner.

I watched the tutorial for my class, which was only about 40 minutes long. Since it was pretty much just people talking I cross stitched more on the tiger while I listened to it.

The tutorial was about pitching projects and ideas. There was some pretty interesting things mentioned. Some of it I already knew, though it was good to hear again. All of it was well done. It was actually one of the better tutorials I’ve seen from the site.

Once that was done I showered and messaged Mother Earth for a little bit until J got home from work.

I didn’t have to take anything to fall asleep last night though my shins were still dodgy. I think it was a combination of getting so little sleep the night before and then doing two pretty solid classes.

My muscles want a break… I don’t think that’s going to happen though.

Today I think is going to be a run day.

Hear me out first though, since I know I’m still bitcing about my legs. The last thing that sounds like a good idea is running to piss them off more.

Runkeeper, an app that I use, just partnered up with ASICS, and they have some pretty awesome running schedules. So today, according to my ASICS track, I’m supposed to run a half mile. Since I’m normally between 1 to 2 miles I know the distance won’t be an issue.

The big thing is that it’s supposed to be a solid run. No intervals or stopping. That means it would be six laps around the track at the gym. The most I’ve ever done at one time is 3.

I think I’m going to go for it though. I want to do it. Even if I do three laps, walk one and then run another three, that would be a really awesome achievement for me.

Since the distance isn’t that far I want to give it a shot and round out the workout with upper body or core work. If the half mile doesn’t kill me that is…

I feel like I can do it, but we’ll have to see. Maybe I’ll chicken out once I get to the gym and go to the elliptical. Maybe a treadmill would work better than the track because it cushions the landing more. Easier on the shins and knees…

I have options, and I’m not really married to any of them. It’s just something that I’ve been kicking around this morning.

Once I actually get around to working and not being a slacker I plan on starting the second freelance file. The character’s name is Cognito, but I call him Nito for short. Since he’s neat and stuff.

Yes. I am that lame and did go there.

Since all my schoolwork is done I have more time to focus on the project. I want to have the rig done by Friday.

There’s more aikido tonight. An open class followed by weapons class. I’ll most likely be at both of them.

I was actually thinking about canceling my membership to the YMCA last night since I am spending so much time at the dojo, and not as much time at the gym.

If I’m only going to the gym once, maybe twice a week, and that’s only to run around a circle… I can’t really justify $45 for that when I like running outside more anyway.

I don’t know. But it’s something I’m thinking on.

That’s about it for now though. I’m off to attack the day.

Prompt Page 0029: Cut Off


When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

Not all that long ago actually.

As an introvert you would think that being alone wouldn’t bother me at all. And for the most part it doesn’t. I tend to need more space than most people, which is something I have learned to accept about myself, and something that the people closest to me understand.

There are times though, where simply being in the presence of the people who matter to me feels like a necessity, just as much if not more so as breathing.

It’s hard when the only thing you want in the world is the one thing you can’t have. It makes the spirit long for it that much more.

The one thing which would fix all things is so agonizingly out of reach.

It leads to what feels like an all consuming depression for me. One that is extremely hard to combat on my own. In fact I pretty sure I would lose those battles if it weren’t for the people in my life.

Without them I would tear myself to pieces in self destructiveness.

Things have been better recently. This has been a long journey which I felt consciously started after breaking up with Warren #2, but thinking on it, I feel it has been going on even longer than that. Maybe my whole life and I am just now seeing how all of the events weave together.

Lessons that seemed disconnected are really part of the whole.

I have seen my mom twice in the past two months. I have talked to my younger brother a few times. I have been more active in my communication with Mother Earth and J, and we even set up a relationship dynamic which works for us, so I feel as if I belong.

There have been a lot of really positive relationship building events which have occurred since I have moved in with Joshua. It’s hard to believe that was five months ago. It’s hard to think so much time has passed, and yet at the same time, only that much time as passed.

It feels like eternity and the blink of an eye at the same time.

The lows I have felt seem so small now when looking back from where I stand. I have come so far, and the loneliness I have felt, and sometimes still feel is part of that journey. Part of my growth.

Mother Earth and I were talking before my trip back home, back to Orlando. The conversation we had about my catching the bouquet at my cousin’s wedding.

How I felt alone and that I wouldn’t find someone. My other half. How it felt like it was never meant for me, and how the flowers made me sad because I felt like I didn’t deserve them.

She said that I am much like her.

Things in my life feel under control. I feel like I am able to manage everything, and that my natural instinct is to find someone to care for. Someone to give my time and energy to.

She said that even though that is what my inner voice, my inner four year old, is crying out for, that the real thing I need right now is to be in a relationship with myself. That I need to continue to focus on me, invest in me.

I am doing so well, and making so much progress. I shouldn’t lose sight of that. I may not have a true, conscious destination, but I know I’m not where I need to be yet. There are still things I need to learn and figure out.

Things that I wouldn’t be able to figure out with another person. Which is why I think for right now it is a good thing that the relationship between Mother Earth, J, and I is long distance.

I am close to them spiritually, emotionally, but I have the physical space to figure things out. I have the space to unpack all of my inner boxes, make a mess, sort through things, throw out what isn’t needed anymore, or what should never have been packed in the first place.

I can figure out what is important, what should be kept, what is a part of me and what are the things are from others.

Sometimes that process is lonely. Sometimes I look around myself, like now.

Sitting outside with the morning breeze, birds flying, cars driving to and fro.

Life moving past me as if I don’t exist, don’t matter.

And sometimes that makes me feel lonely. I think about the people I love and how I can’t drive over to their house and play games, or watch movies.

We can’t go get lunch. There are so many things we “can’t” do because of physical distance. And that hurts. Sometimes that’s a heavy fact that I don’t want to bare. Sometimes I rage against it, and refuse to accept it, and in the refusal my spirit suffers.

And other times, like now. I sit alone and I feel at peace. I am in Orlando. I am in a place where my loved ones aren’t. But I am where I need to be for the time being.

Accepting that this is my life, and that, for the moment, this is where I am, brings me peace.

It is not for forever. It is for right now.

I can live with right now.

It’s not always fun or pretty. Transformation can be brutal. But I am working on being a better me. And I feel that is a worthy cause.

I’m working on a second degree, and once that is complete, a third. Both of them for free. I am working on becoming financially independent, which I achieved a huge step towards by removing all of my exs from my financial life. I am working on taking back my paycheck by paying off debt.

All of that is possible because of where I am at and my current job, which I honestly do love. I get fulfillment from teaching and helping others.

I may feel lonely sometimes, but I am never truly alone.

Sometimes it take a phone call to remind me of that. Sometimes I need the voice of a loved one to calm my in inner child and to reassure me that just because I can’t have the physical reassurance, the tangible side of the relationship, doesn’t mean that the feelings are any less real.

I am loved, and I am where I need to be.

Daily Post 0054: Shins are the Worst Evolution Ever


It’s funny how 8:30 is a late start for me now. Only last month was I working 5pm and 9pm labs, which is what it looks like I’ll be working again next month.

I spent most of last night tossing and turning, trying to deny the fact that my legs felt like they were being beaten with a crowbar. At 2am I had a cup of green tea to see if that would help settle me down. At 4am I gave up and took Nyquil even though I wanted to be up at 7.

I ended up getting out of bed at 7:30, which surprised me. I’m not as grougy as I thought I would be.

I’m at the Laundromat right now. I’m washing my gi for the first time; the uniform I wear for aikido. I don’t know why that is important to me, but it is.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Lets see if I can remember anything about it.

I had CRI1 lab. I didn’t do the grading during it. I opted to work on school work instead. Lots of reading about color. There was an article about where the whole “pink for girls, blue for boys” mentality came from. That was interesting.

There was an article about white weddings too, and how in many cultures color is actually used in weddings. It is not uncommon to see colors like red, green, and blue. White is actually more of a Western tradition. And a recent one at that.

Facinating stuff.

At 1pm I met with Rhonda and we went over her rigs and figured out a few issues she was having. That lasted for about an hour and a half.

I got through all of the grading after that which was nice. One major thing off my to do list.

While going through all of that we got an email back from Ray.

He was super appreciative of the video Tre created to show the issues we have with the models. He also said that if we could add in a wide / narrow function for the rig that we could be able to fake the diolague animations the company is looking for.

That made me do a happy dance inside. Same for Tre. That means we can ship our two files off to Ray today with the new tweaks. It also means that Ray knows what he’s doing, which is fantastic.

This project, for all it’s frustrations, has actually gone fairly smoothly, and both Tina and Ray have been understanding, if a little slow on the communication side of things.

Now that Tre and I know exactly what is needed for the other rigs the rest of the process should be easier. Especially since the other characters don’t have any crazy systems like wings that need to be created. I should be able to get my next file done, setup wise, today, and weight painting should be manageable by Friday.

Realistically, Tre and I could have this project wrapped up by the weekend if Ray doesn’t kick the files back for changes.

That’s a nice thought.

Tre and I talked about it for a little while before I left school.

I had enough time to run home, pick up my gi, the head to the dojo for taekwondo.

I was saddened to find out that Sensei Mike would not be teaching the class. One of his brothers passed away. My heart goes out to him and his family.

I’m not sure what else to write here. I wish there was more that I could do for him. I know I have only known him and his son for a short amount of time, but they have been kind to me and I wish I could make this situation easier for them.

Sensei Beata was at the dojo, along with another student named Matt.

Instead of taekwondo, Matt showed Sensei Beata and I another form of martial arts. It has a bases in kung fu, but I honestly can’t remember what it was called.

It was a lot of fun though. It felt really solid.

I stayed for one hour of the aikido open circle class afterwards. It’s a two hour long session, but I wanted to get home. Looking back at it, I probably should have stayed since I didn’t do much with my time afterwards.

I cooked the chili last night and at 11pm I set the corned beef to cook in the slow cooker so it would be done by the time I got up this morning.

I watched Escape from Planet Earth last night, which was an adorable movie. Some of the parts felt forced or overdone, but I really enjoyed it. It reminded me of my younger brother and I. How we have disagreements all the time, but in the end we still love each other more than anything in the world.

I haven’t cross stitched in a while, which doesn’t really bother me, but I think it will if I don’t do something with it tonight. I also haven’t listened to any of audio book I started the other night. Again, not actively bothering me, but if I don’t make time for it today I think it will.

The cabbage is cooking at the apartment at the moment. So I have to go back there after laundry is done, rather than going to the gym. But that means I can put the cloths away, go to the gym, then go to work for SAL.

Pretty much the same routine, just with two things switched around. No biggie.

I need to finish doing the tweaks to Cyphera’s rig so we can send the files to Ray. That shouldn’t be more than an hour of work. After that it’s school stuff. After that… I really don’t know.

There’s aikido fundamentals tonight at 7, followed by aikido open at 8. Most likely doing both of those. At least if my shin allows me.

I took Advil with the Nyquil last night, so right now it doesn’t consciously bother me, but I know it’s more because the pain is masked than because it’s better.

That’s one of the reasons I don’t like taking medication. It doesn’t fix the problem. It just makes it so you don’t know it’s there.

I need to be gentle with myself for the next few days. Low impact. Maybe core work…

We’ll see.

Anyway, the wash needs to be moved to the dryer, so I suppose I’ll go for now and stop being a slacker.

Weekly Saga 0007: Free Woman


There were so many events this week which were huge, major things. No wonder I wanted to take Sunday to myself and not interact with anyone.

I feel the biggest event was switching the phone over to MetroPCS.

I am now officially 100% free from all of my obligations to exs. Maybe I’m a month and a half late from when I wanted to achieve this goal. But I have achieved it. I am able to move forward without any chains tethering me and holding me back.

It makes me feel stronger, capable. It makes me feel free and independent. I am not longer financially responsible for others. I am my own person once again, able to travel whatever path I choose.

I am looking forward to continuing on this journey.

Main events of this past week:

Began working on freelance files
Went to Lane Bryant for attire
Survived the Meeting of Doom
Entered into a poly relationship with Mother Earth and J
Played table tennis with Tre, Susan, and Joshua

Switched phone to MetroPCS
Got feedback from Ray about freelance files
Got deposit check from Duke Energy
Went to Chewy’s with Clavan and David
Filed taxes

Went running at Crane’s Roost

Prompt Pages

Tourist Trap          A Plot of Earth

Dragon’s Horde Additions

Color Theory – Coat of Arms

Daily Post 0053: Sunsets with Friends


I was so proud of myself yesterday. After writing I got up, showered, and ventured out into the world to do my shopping.

I went to Walmart first since there were some non-food items I needed to get, like a new water filter and other random stuff.

They already have the summer athletic stuff out, so I spent a little bit of time seeing if there was anything nifty. Nothing really caught my eye, and it would have been an impulse buy anyway.

After Walmart I went to Publix to finish off the shopping for the week. Yogurt was on sale, 10 for $10, so I’m pretty stocked on that. The containers don’t take up much space so I didn’t feel bad about it.

I did get a corned beef, so that will be cooked tonight with onions, carrots, and cabbage. I’m totally looking forward to it. It’s one of the things that will always remind me of home. I can remember when my mom would cook the meal for my brother and I, and how the house would smell amazing.

Chili is going to be the other main meal for this week.

Since it was a ‘market’ day, I got to have sushi for lunch from the Publix sushi bar. I even remembered to pick up news papers for my mom so she can have more coupons to clip through.

All in all, I made it back home before 10am. Which left me with literally no need to go back out, unless I chose to. /flex

I cleaned up my room, vacuumed, went through my ‘in box’ which I haven’t done for a few weeks now. I put away all of the threads I’m no longer using for my recently completed projects. I got caught up on all of the chores that have been sliding by.

Overall it was a pretty good, low key, yet productive day.

At 4pm I went running. There is a walking circuit near the mall I used to live near with Mother Earth and J. I’ve only been there once before, but it was a pretty circuit. Lots of grass and trees, and people since it’s in a nicer part of town. I would be ok with less humans, but overall it is nice and I enjoyed running there my time before.

I wanted to go somewhere outside of my normal run paths yesterday, sort of shake things up a bit, and because I’ve been thinking about Mother Earth and J so much recently it felt right to go there.

Still sitting around an 18 minute mile, but there were a bunch of people on the circuit with strollers and dogs… So I wasn’t able to really run without having to worry about running into people.

It wasn’t a bad run, just not as mindless and automatic as it normally is on my other trails.

When I was done with my running I stretched for a while. That was awesome because the sun was setting and the circuit surrounds a lake, so I got to stretch in the breeze and watch the birds as the sun set.

Mother Earth and J had been chatting in our Facebook conversation while I was running, so once I was done stretching I sat on one of the benches and got caught up on the conversation.

We all chatted for a little while. It was nice and made me feel connected in my own, weird, introverted way. It was as sort of like sharing the experience with them. Being out and enjoying the day, the sights, the sounds.

Eventually I got hungry and had to drive home.

I watched Jack the Giant Slayer last night. It was surprisingly a cute movie. There were things as a CG artist that I didn’t really approve of, but overall I felt it was well done, and the storyline made me smile.

Definitely geared more towards a younger audience, but worth the watch.

As the night wore on I started getting a headache even though I was trying to stay on top of drinking enough water. I’ve been really bad about that recently and I can tell. My lips are almost always dry, and the whole dehydration headache thing… It sucks.

Hopefully the new water filter will help. As a military brat I can honestly say that water does have a taste, and that Orlando is by far the worst tasting water I have ever had to drink.

I ended up taking Advil and Nyquil before going to sleep, that way I wouldn’t toss and turn through the night.

I’m still behind on my water intake, but I don’t have the headache right now, which is good. It’s lame to feel hungover without the awesome party time before hand. : /

Today is CRI1. After lab I have a meeting with Rhonda at 1pm.

I saw Huston this morning, which was a nice surprise. I haven’t seen him in a while. He’s getting close to being in finals, which means he’ll be graduating soon.

He wanted to meet to talk about interface creation. So we set up a meeting for Wednesday at 1pm, which works out well since that’s when I’ll be done with lab, much like today.

Aside from that I have Taekwondo at 6pm. I’ll most likely stay for the aikido class since I didn’t get to the gym this morning.

5am and I are not friends. : /

I have grading for project two that I’m going to try to power through on my break. And there’s the final assignments for my class that I need to stay on top of. Everything is due Friday this week. Not Monday. I need to keep that in mind.

I’m hoping to hear back from Tina about the freelance issues. But overall I think today will be an alright day.

Prompt Page 0028: A Plot of Earth


You’re given a plot of land and have the financial resources to do what you please. What’s the plan?

It didn’t specify how big a ‘plot’ I was given, so I’m going to take the creative license to say that it’s at least ½ acre to an acre.

I would want to build my own home. Nothing overly large or fancy. Ok… maybe a huge kitchen with tons of counter space… But other than that I’m pretty minimalist.

I would want a bedroom big enough for my futon, the one I will be bringing back down to Florida once I move in with Monica. It’s not a cheapy thing from Walmart or Target. It is meant to function as a bed, so the mattress is thicker. It’s made from actual wood, and is a pretty nice piece of furniture, both from a functional and esthetic stand point.

I would like having a night stand to keep the books I am reading, though I am moving more towards audio books now. A place to set my water and cross stitch once I am done working on it for the night.

Maybe a bookcase, though since I recently donated all of my books I’m not sure if I would really want / need one.

I feel like I would want it out of habit and familiarity. I have always had a bookcase, and most likely would feel incomplete without one.

I would want a place for my computer as well. Maybe an office area separate from my room, or an alcove type area. Something similar to the setup I have right now. Since my closet is so big, and I have so little in it, I have my computer desk in there. It’s a distinctly different area, so it has more of a ‘work’ feel for me.

I would want a shower stall rather than a bath / shower combo. I don’t think I’ve ever lived anywhere were we had one, but I’ve loved all of the ones I have been in. There’s so much more space. I think I would enjoy having one of my own.

Double sinks in the kitchen. A nice dishwasher. Maybe an island in the middle where I could cut up everything that I needed for the meals I cook. A nice fridge / freeze combo, too. Though I don’t normally ‘stock’ up on anything. I buy food on a weekly basis.

It would be nice to have the space to store meat though. Since I have to share such a small space with Susan and Joshua I don’t normally buy meat unless I plan on cooking it that evening. I’m not able to take advantage of deals or bulk buying because I don’t have the space to. Having my own freezer, heck, my own place in general, would be really nice.

The dinning room would have my kitchen table, which would always have a puzzle on it. Much like when I lived on my own at my first apartment. I didn’t work on it every day, but when I wanted to I could stop, sit for a while, and piece by piece it would come together.

When friends would visit they would be impressed and fascinated. We would sit and work on them together as we talked. It wasn’t sitting in front of a screen and watching a movie or playing games. It was actual interaction. And it is something that I enjoy sharing with others.

It is much like the bookcase. It is familiar and part of who I am. I think I would feel incomplete without a puzzle on my table. Or some other project to work on.

I like having a living room, though I don’t really use them. I don’t have a TV nor do I want one. I don’t have tons of game systems, and as my life has progressed I want them less and less. For me it is a mark of success though.

It might seem odd, but it’s the first thing you see when you enter a person’s home. There should be a couch, maybe a love seat depending on the spacing and size of the room. Normally there is artwork or pictures. Lamps on side tables.

You get a feel for a person and what is important to them from that first room. It is much like the first impression. So this room is important to me. I would have to have my coffee table there. The one that has been with me since I left home, in all of its flacking paint glory.

I would be able to hang some of the puzzles I have completed, or other pieces of art. Maybe print and frame some pictures of my family so I can feel surrounded by their love. Or I could frame some of my favorite cross stitch projects. There are so many things I could do with the wall space.

I think I would enjoy a sunroom. Somewhere to stitch and draw, relax and bask. Somewhere with a lot of light and openness.

I could do yoga there. Maybe have the floor padded so I could also practice different things for aikido and taekwondo without giving myself bruises like I currently am trying to practice on my carpeted floor.

I would like to have trees in the yard. An elder tree would be nice since that is my tree through the Celtic zodiac. Maples are pretty. But really any type of ‘shade’ tree would make me happy.

I’m not a fan of pine trees since they don’t branch out very much. I like the lush green of sunlight filtering through leaves. I like birds building nests and squirrels jumping from branch to branch. I like the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze and how they flutter to the ground during the winter months.

I actually like raking the yard. It reminds me of when I would help my grandfather and dad. There’s a lot of positive memories associated with the task, so I don’t mind it.

I would like being able to have my little herb garden. Maybe in the sunroom or in a little garden bed along the windows. I like the thought of being able to walk out and pick a stem of basil to go with dinner, or dill to flavor the filet of fish I am cooking. Rosemary for the chicken.

Maybe even an actual garden with onions, zucchini, tomatoes. A crab apple tree.

That would require time, time which I currently don’t have, so I never thought very far into this part of my ‘dream house’.

Assuming I had this land, this ‘perfect life’ scenario, I’ll go ahead and assume that I am also free of work obligations, or that I am a successful freelance artist and no longer have the requirements of an hourly job.

I would like a garden and growing most of my own food. I would like learning what to grow when. My grandmother used to grow strawberries. Black berries would be fantastic. A pecan tree like what my grandparents had…

I remember loving to go over during the fall and helping to gather all of the pecans up off the ground. I remember my grandfather teaching me how to crack the shells open with my hands.

I might want a guest room for when my family and friends come to visit, but over all I think I would be happy with smallish 2 to 3 room house.

I like the idea of a small house with lots of space between me and the other people in the area.

It would be my little haven in the world. My retreat from the day to day.

It would be my secluded little Narnia in the middle of chaos, and I would love it.

Daily Post 0052: An Anti-Social Day


Yesterday was fairly relaxing and low key.

I woke up and spent my morning relaxing and gearing up for the SAL lab.

One major thing that I forgot to mention about Friday was that I came home to a parcel from Duke Energy, the company I had the power account with for the old apartment.

It was a check for my deposit on the account. $120.

Needless to say I was pretty happy about that.

“Welcome home. Here’s some money.”

I’m cool with that.

So before I went into work I stopped by an ATM to deposit that.

I mostly worked on my color exercise during SAL. There were a few questions, some of them were on the more technical side for creating textures, which I wasn’t able to answer, but most of them were more about over all artistic quality. I could handle those.

Once lab was over I went to 4B. I’m starting to think of the area that I sit in as mine, even though it’s a communal area. No one really uses it. And since it was Saturday evening no one was there.

I was able to finish off the color assignment, and blocked out (read ‘pretty much finished’) my project 3 assignment.

We had to make a coat of arms using ‘modern’ symbols. Since music is such a large part of my life I divided my shield into four quadrants. The top left is a treble clef sign, with ear bud headphones in the top right quadrant. The bottom left is the same ear bud headphone icon with the bass cleft sign in the bottom right.

I’m not 100% sold on the colors yet. I wanted to sleep on it and come back to the design with fresh eyes. But over all I’m really happy with the composition and the way it came out.

After that I heated up food, since I am terrible about eating while I work, then I finished off the reading for this week and took the quiz. Got a 100 on that, so more good feels.

By that time it was a little past 8. There were still a few things I wanted to finish before leaving though.

When I had gone home for my cousin’s wedding I had taken my tax information with me because one of the things I wanted to get done was filing for my taxes. There’s a company that I like going to because they have always treated my mom well, and in turn me.

They always make it a super painless process and because the guy is so nice I actually look forward to the experience.

I wasn’t able to get to that chore while I was home, but I left the paperwork with my mom because she had to go down there to file for my brother, since he’s in Germany.

I got an email saying that my filing was done, and given some login information so I could view it online.

Of course because I’m on a Mac, at least I’m guessing that’s why since none of my Internet browsers will work properly, I wasn’t able to view the files.

I emailed my mom since she has a Windows machine that isn’t loaded with spy ware (mild rage at the thought of my own desktop still being out of commission), and asked if she would look into that for me, and that she was awesome.

Since the tax thing was as done as I could get it I turned my attention to my freelance.

Tre had recorded a video showing the issues that we have concerning the face topology of the models and basically asking what they, the company, wanted to do, since we can’t do the work they want with the assets they gave us.

You get what you pay for, and these models are not of quality.

And with that my day, work wise, was pretty much done.

I still had the Photoshop tutorial that I needed to work through, but it was close to 9, I was getting tired, and I felt like I had earned the rest of the night to myself.

So I packed up and came home.

On the drive home my mom called about my taxes.

I’m getting $90 back, but because I have to file not only for myself but also my ‘company’ since I do freelance, I owe $180 to Pitts.

That’s cool. I don’t mind and sort of expected that. I guess the main reason I don’t mind is because of the $120 from the power company. I wasn’t expecting that, so it sort of offsets the tax expense.

And I didn’t do anything with freelance last year, which is why I’m not getting as much back. To be honest I don’t actively look for freelance. I get it from friends whenever they happen to toss something my way.

We’ll see where I’m at after this project. Maybe it will be something that I put more effort into.

Once I got home I cooked dinner, just a boxed pasta thing that I brought back from mom’s. Nothing fancy or overly good.

After cleaning up the kitchen and doing some chores I spent the rest of my evening listening to Brisingr, the third book in the Inheritance series, and cross stitching.

There’s about 30 hours in this book, and I’m roughly two hours in.

I like it so far, but then overall the story is pretty good.

At around midnight I was passing out, so I put everything away and curled up with Scarlet.

I haven’t really done anything this morning aside from make coffee.

I have the tutorial I need to do, and submitting my project 3 once I finalize it. There’s grocery shopping to do, I aught to go running since I didn’t workout yesterday. There’s the weekly chores like vacuuming and such. I also need to run to Walmart for a few things.

I think I’m going to shower and do my shopping now since I’m sort of feeling like an anti-people day is in order. I’ve been social so much this past week. I think I’ve earned / deserve to take a day to stay in my room.