This might be a bit of a downer post, but I’m sort of ok with that.
I just got done figuring out my schedule for the next month. I work six days a week, like I have been for the past year now. Only this time Shading and Lighting isn’t going to be a 4 hour, single lab. It’s going to be two labs, so I’ll be working 8 hours on those days.
Character Rigging 1 is also going to be two labs. Which means on my good weeks I’ll have 40 hours of straight lab time. No administrative hours to do the grading, or tutoring, or the PCC Critiques. Just labs. Anything else I need or want to get done will be ‘over-time’ that I most likely won’t get paid for because I’ve never gotten overtime in the three years I’ve worked at the school.
On the bad weeks, I’ll be working 48 hours, straight labs. Again, no time for anything extra.
That doesn’t include the homework I’m going to have to do for my new class.
That doesn’t count time for the gym or aikido…
Downward spiral of doom.
I’m going to talk to Clavan about it. I’ve gone a month without aikido and I’m not cool with that. I don’t want to do it again.
So that has me down. My job isn’t bad. In fact, most of the time I love it. But it keeps taking and taking, and I really wish that I didn’t get burnt as fast as I do. I wish the good months, the ones where my schedule is perfect and lines up with everything that I want, would stay. I wish my schedule was consistent so I could have a routine. Right now, sitting here, looking at my calendar and brooding over it, I’m tired of having to give up things that are important to me, to a company that feels like it’s sucking the soul out of me.
It’s not my coworkers, it’s not my boss. It’s the mentality of the school as a whole. If they would just hire more people the environment would be so much better, rather than trying to scrap by with below the bare minimum.
That’s why people keep leaving. Which makes things worse for the people who stay, so they end up leaving… another vicious cycle, and it feels like I’m in the middle of it. Blarg.
Other than that things have been going well.
I got my first graphic design freelance. I’m going to be creating the drink menu for the hookah lounge that DM works at. They want to make it more like a café with coffees, teas, boba, and smoothies. I’ve also created a few concepts for the menu for the house blends. It’s been fun. Since they’re super busy tonight I was going to go in tomorrow to show them the concepts I made and try to discuss the designs / layouts with the owners.
They’re both super cool people.
I know other stuff has happened, especially since I haven’t written in a while. But I can’t really think of anything that I want to write about.
I haven’t replied to Mother Earth’s message. I don’t know how to. I still haven’t processed it yet. I know I should. I know it will hurt. And so I’m avoiding it.
I had a good workout at the gym the other day. Finally. I biked, rowed, walked around the track to cool off, and sat in the sauna thinking about nothing.
I did all of my homework, so the Intellectual Property and Law class is done. I made a 95 in it, which I’m cool with. Glad it’s over. I’m scheduled to take Digital Story Telling again. That was the class I failed last month. If next month’s schedule is as crazy as it looks like it’s going to be I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Right now I feel screwed in that department.
DM’s birthday is next month, so I want to try to cross stitch him a gift. Yet more stuff that takes time.
I haven’t done any of my weekend chores in a while. I’m really just sitting here kicking myself by thinking of all the things that I should / ought / need to be doing in my life. All of these things that aren’t going to make me happy or give me a better life, but things I feel compelled to do for some reason.
I’m not being a warrior right now. I know I’m not. I’m still sitting in my cave, hugging my knees, head buried in my arms ignoring the things going on around me. This is one of those moments in time where I’m not ok inside, so the outside doesn’t matter.
I’ll figure it out. Today is not that day though.