I’ve been fighting with the Evil Voice. You know… That one that’s always trying to whisper lies to you. The one that makes you think everything is horrible even though it’s not.
That’s been most of may days. Whenever I’m alone, left to myself, which I normally love, I find myself doubting. Worrying. Ripping myself apart from the inside.
I woke up Friday to a message saying my new glasses were in. Huzzah. I showered and went to pick those up before going to my sports bar. After looking at the receipt I have a new respect for my insurance. Everything totaled to just under $700, but with my insurance I paid $170. No more complaining about the cost of glasses. Scouts honor.
I had a bit of an adjustment period with them, but I think they’re fantastic and I love the transition lenses. I went out a bit on the extroverted limb and took a picture of me wearing them when I got to work and put it on Facebook. I figured I haven’t put a new picture of myself up for about a year, so it wouldn’t be too bad.
I went to the sports bar for lunch. This week is an ‘off’ week, so there weren’t bills to pay. Instead I read through the blogs I follow and replied to work messages. Really it was just some down / alone time.
It was actually sort of awkward for me because when I went to pay my card was declined.
I was actually waiting for the day this would happen. When I lost my wallet, what seems like forever ago now, I had to get a new debit card. I one I was given that day was a temporary card. I was told that my new card would come in the mail in roughly 10 business days.
Well… I never got it, and the temp card only lasts for 30 days before it expires and stops working. Of course I didn’t have enough time to go to the bank to get the situation figured out before work, so I asked my server if it was ok if I came back around 5pm, which is when I would be able to take care of the situation.
She was extremely understanding. I asked how my tip would get back to her, and she said that she would actually still be working at 5pm, so it would work out fine.
After arranging all of that I went to work, right before Florida’s daily torrential down pour. I got through all of the brain storming for the new project and got almost all of it blocked out.
I’m redesigning the book cover for Lord of the Flies, which is actually one of my favorite books. Since it is due tomorrow I will post the final composition, along with the ticket stub assignment which I haven’t gotten around to yet. Guess there will be lots of posting once I actually get around to doing it.
I was able to go to the bank and let them know that my temp card was being declined but that I had yet to receive my new card. They issued another temp card to me and when we verified the address the card was being mailed to we found that my new address had been entered into the system wrong, which is why it hadn’t been delivered.
So the card is hopefully taken care of. I actually received an email not too long ago saying the new one had been mailed and should be arriving soon.
I withdrew $20 from the ATM outside of the bank just to make sure the new temp card was working, which it was, so I went back to the sports bar to pay my bill. I had to wait a little bit for my server to be able to cash me out. They’re busier in the evenings, but eventually my bill was taken care of and I was able to go home.
I didn’t go to the gym even though I thought super hard about going to the kickboxing class again. In the end I felt that if I went my shins would have started acting up which I didn’t want.
Honestly, when I woke up Friday I didn’t feel ok. That was when the Evil Voice started making itself known. While I was out doing errands and keeping myself occupied at work I was mostly fine. I could ignore it. But when I got home I wasn’t fine, and I didn’t know why I wasn’t. It’s like I walked through the door straight into a wall of depression.
I went to the room. Zane was at his computer so I curled up in bed behind him facing the wall. After a few minutes he curled up beside me, wrapping his arm around my stomach and asked if I was ok.
Screw whoever invented that question.
I had already been fighting tears, so of course that fight became harder, and the whole time I’m fighting to keep them back I’m also kicking myself inside my head because I “shouldn’t” be feeling like this.
I told him about the new glasses, about how I got super far on my project, the bank adventure, and how today had really in the scheme of things been going well, but that I was sad and I didn’t know why, and that made me frustrated, and how I felt like crying for no reason, and that I was sorry that I felt like things were falling apart even though I knew they weren’t.
He made me roll over and put my head on his chest and we talked for a while. Voicing the negativity went a long way to dispelling it. We also went to Moe’s for dinner, which I was fine with since it had been my idea.
When we came home I played Witcher 3 until I was tired enough to sleep.
Oh. I also arranged it so that I have Monday and Tuesday free from work so I can spend it with my mom.
Saturday was good. I don’t have a to-do list from it, so events are more hazy than other days, but yeah…
Zane cooked potatoes, steak, and eggs for breakfast. It’s the first time I’ve had steak in a while, and it was fantastic. Super rare. ❤
We spent most of the time brainstorming the character sheets for the game he and his brother are about to run. When we were done with the brainstorming phase we went and got frozen yogurt then came back home to brainstorm the layouts for the different pages.
Those two things actually took most of the day. When we were both mentally burnt out on creativity I went back to Witcher 3. I accidentally ended up working through one of the main quest lines that I had been saving. That’s what I get for running around talking to people.
It was a pretty crazy story arc, and I’m actually glad I did it. The arc opened up a bunch of secondary quests afterwards, which I also worked through. And that secondary story arc was seriously messed up, like so many of the other side stories. I really love this game.
Zane stayed up later than me. I ended up waking up early. I don’t remember when because I didn’t look at the clock. It was still dark out. I still wanted to be asleep, but I was extremely warm. I ended up going out to the couch to cuddle with Scarlet since she’s taken to sleeping out there instead of in the room with me.
I was hoping the living room would be cooler, which it was. I ended up falling asleep on the couch. When I woke up again it was bright outside. I crawled back into bed with Zane, sort of guilty feeling because I didn’t sleep the whole night with him. I slept for a bit more, but woke up after another REM cycle.
I cooked breakfast and had my coffee, but the whole time I was thinking about how today was most likely going to be a bad day. We had to meal plan, which meant grocery shopping. We had to get cat litter, and Zane had tested the water from the water filter yesterday evening and found that the filter needed to be replaced. I was pretty sure that was going to be $30.
I was thinking about how the shopping trips recently has been horrible experiences. I was thinking about how It was going to be another $150. I was thinking about a lot of things.
Zane came out while I was sitting on the couch, fighting with the Evil Voice.
He sat down on the couch with me. I set my cup down and put my head in his lap and told him about the Evil Voice while he pet my hair. I know that makes it sound like I’m crazy, and part of me is ok with that. Being crazy is just a side affect of being awesome.
Really the Evil Voice is just my worry, my fear, my doubt personified.
Anyway, I told Zane about my worry over the trip, the expense, and the potential negativity.
We ended up meal planning and figuring things out to keep our budget down this week. It helps that we have a fair amount of stuff leftover. Once we had meal planned and our shopping list made I showered and we went out.
It was actually a really pleasant trip, and our cashiers were super nice. We had to go to Walmart for the water filter, but that meant that I bought my coffee creamer from there as well, so I was able to get the Girl Scout Thin Mint flavor.
We came home, put the food away, and had lunch while watching another episode of Aldnoah Zero. After that I got to work setting up the character sheet for the game. I was still working on it when Uke came over.
It’s still really rough, and there are changes that need to be made to it, but we were able to get most of our stats figured out and get our characters’ backstories figured out tonight.
I’m going to be playing an elf, but elves in this game are different from standard pretty, magical elves. I’ll most likely more about that later. I’m pretty tired as it is, what with it being 3am and all.
After the character creation stuff I was feeling warm again. Zane got an ice pack for me, and that helped. I’m wondering if it’s a hydration issue. He and I talked about my character’s story more after Uke left. He eventually said that I needed to get my homework done, which I knew I did. It was nice to get my character’s story to an more solidified state.
I put in a few more hours on my project, and I’m pretty happy with it. There are minor things I wish I had done differently with the background image of the book cover. But I love the concept that I came up with, and I think overall the execution of it went well.
I talked to my mom. She’s at a hotel about three hours out. She’s going to message me tomorrow to let me know when she gets in the car to drive the last bit of the way to me.
Tomorrow is a full day. And there are still things about the weekend that I haven’t written about. Tons of events went on. For now I’ll stop writing though. I’m hungry again, so I need to eat, and I still need to drink a bottle of water which isn’t going to get done if I’m sitting here typing.
So I’ll end here and finish this recap tomorrow… or later today… logistics…