It almost feels odd to be writing at the end of my day. I seem so out of touch with writing, with my routines.
Today hasn’t been too eventful. I didn’t go to sleep until around 6am due to playing Witcher 3. I’ve been going through the main storyline quests, which have kept me engrossed. It’s very much like a book. I want to know what happens next. >.<;
Since I was up so late I didn’t really get out of bed until 11:30. I had breakfast before showering and going into work. Zane got up with me, so we were able to have some time together before I left.
I wrote while I was at work. I almost didn’t do it. If I were still using Google Docs or a handwritten journal I wouldn’t have thought twice about writing. Publicly admitting to self-harm… I’m not sure how I feel about it.
It’s the fastest I’ve ever admitted to it. I don’t know. I still need to meditate on it. Since this is my journal though, I felt it would have been wrong to not write about it. It would have been untrue to myself.
I’m not sure where that leaves me.
After work I came home. Zane had said he was feeling down, depressed, though nothing had changed since I had left for work, other than developing a headache. We cuddled for a little bit while he watched Critical Roll. We were able to laugh and joke around together.
Eventually we went to Publix and bought a pizza with chicken tenders for dinner. Game food for a game day. We watched Star Trek : Into Darkness, then brainstormed more about the goblin character for tomorrow’s Pathfinder game.
After that I played Witcher 3 some more. Low key day, though on an emotional level I feel like I did a lot. The lack of sleep most likely adds to the feeling of tiredness.
It rained for most of the day. Heavy torrential rain for a while, then a slow, steady rain. It was something Zane had mentioned when I first got home; that I smelled like rain. One would think since I was almost soaked to the bone. In a way that was a good thing though, it meant my skin was cool to the touch, while his was warm. Best cuddles ever.
It also meant that I didn’t go running today. At least not much. I did run from the front of the school to my car so my backpack wouldn’t get as wet. My shin wasn’t ok with that. For most of the afternoon the front of my shin ached, to the point that it became hard to breath past the pain when I was walking in Publix.
Maybe I pushed too hard yesterday.
I’ve been taking it easy as far as walking goes though. Sitting watching the movie… sitting playing my game… sitting brainstorming… yep. Lots of sitting, so at the moment my body is giving no complaints.
Another cool thing is that because of the road work they are doing in the complex parking lot, the front office isn’t towing cars at the moment. That means I get to park super close to the apartment rather than in the visitor parking, since I don’t have a decal for my car yet. It also means that I don’t have to worry about my car being towed in general until the end of August. Huzzah.
This is normally where I would say that today I was a slacker, but you know what? I’m not going to say that, because I did exactly what I wanted to do. I don’t think I’m going to do much tomorrow either, and I’m ok with that, too.
It was actually sort of cute. Zane has already gone to sleep, but before he did he was chatting sleepily with me.
Me: We didn’t fight at all today, did we?
Zane: Nope. We didn’t.
Me: We should totally fix that. It feels weird not fighting.
Zane: Ok. What do you want to fight about?
Me: Your face.
He laughed at me. With me really. It’s our interactions like that which let me know that we’ll be ok. It lets me know that we’ll survive this.
There was another moment today while we were cuddling. He had pulled the blanket over my head. I mmmed and nuzzled against his chest saying something about blessed darkness.
He then pulled the blanket further up, covering his head as well so we were both under the covers together.
“And I died.” He said.
“Oh? Is this your burial shroud then?” I asked.
I snuggled closer to him, moving my leg to cross over his.
“Guess we’re going to be buried together then. Oh man. That means we’ll be together forever!”
“Oh god. No!” He said, tossing the blanket off, and half-heartedly trying to crawl away as I hugged him tighter. I couldn’t stop giggling. Like, seriously, I had a giggle fit that lasted so long my sides hurt.
He was smiling, too.
Later, after we had dinner, we sat on the porch because I wanted fresh air. The night was cool from all the rain. We sat and fleshed out the two personalities for our goblin character. I love the direction that we’re going with her. She’s going to be so much fun to play. We had to talk to Trevor about one of the things we were thinking about doing, and even he is really looking forward to introducing the character into the party.
That’s actually a pretty big deal because at first he wasn’t very supportive of our idea. He basically said that Zane and I would have to sell him on it, and I guess we did. I’m sure I’ll have more to write about the matter tomorrow after the game.
We’re honestly good for each other, Zane and I. There’s all of these moments that prove it. Right now our situation sucks, but that doesn’t mean that the dynamic does.
We’re hanging in there. Both of us. Together.
It’s been a good day. It’s been a good week. I’m happy with that.