Daily Post 0171: Step one – Research


Yesterday had its ups and downs. Seriously, they were all over the place. I’m honestly glad it is over, and I was grateful for a good nights rest to help reset myself from it.

The morning started off rough. For no reason. Just because the day before was a decent day, so yesterday had to suck. At least that seems to be the trend I’m following. Good day, bad day, good day, bad day. Arg.

How about we just average everything together into a mediocre day? Or just good days? Could we do just good days? I think I would be cool with just good days for a while.

So yeah, yesterday morning was lame. Zane and I went to my sports bar together, which brightened it a bit. We talked about my lack of direction. We talked about a few things that I’ve always thought about doing but never have.

We talked about how I really don’t, truly, honestly want to go into the military and why I don’t.

When I got home I actually looked into pole dancing classes, which was one of the things I mentioned while we were out. I know that sounds crass and debasing, but it’s actually something on my bucket list.

To me it sounds interesting. It sounds fun. It sounds empowering and sexy. It sounds like a hobby. To me it’s just a type of dancing, and form of expression with the body, just another art like so many other things. I’m curious about it. Always have been, but have never been confident enough to do anything about it. It’s always been ‘out of my reach’ I guess.

I shyly told Zane about being interesting in it during lunch and he thought it was awesome. He encouraged me to look into it. That he thought it could be good for me.

Classes / a membership to a studio would be more expensive that what I’m comfortable paying at the moment, but there is a trial membership that lasts for a week. I emailed the studio today to see if I could go to their beginner class on Tuesday, so as far as that goes I have to wait to hear back from them.

I also looked into Maya certification, hardcore this time, not just nebulously. It would be $20 for the test book, and then $85 for the test voucher. Luis is interested in becoming certified, which is what sparked that research last night. I think I’m going to do it. I think we’re going to do it together. I haven’t talked to him since last night about it, and this morning was when I got the solid numbers, so we’ll have to talk that over more and figure out a time frame for when we want to do this.

It feels nice having a few directions play with and entertain. All of the forums I found said the Certified User test is pretty easy. 35 questions, 50 minutes, mostly multiple choice or point-and-click. There’s a handful of things I want to brush up on, but I’m pretty sure I can score well on it.

I was sort of bummed after l got the numbers for the dance classes. It’s another thing where it’s something I want to do that I can’t do because of money that I actually do have, I’m just spending when I shouldn’t have to.

Zane mentioned getting my credit card reissued to go ahead and take the classes, because it’s something that I want. We also talked about doing the bar tending classes together, which is something else I’m interested in. It just seems cool. It’s something I could do on the side. It’s something I think I would be good at.

I don’t know. I haven’t used my credit card since last August, and that was to pay for my website. Next month seems like an easy schedule though as far as work. It’s going to be the same as this month, so I would be able to go to the pole classes. The bar tending thing would have to wait until next month most likely, and that would be five weeks over the weekend. It would also be about $400 for each of us, which would be more than I want to pay on my own. Blarg.

I need to mull those over for a while, but yeah, I want to try this trial membership to see if it’s even something I want to do. It sounds interesting, but is it really? Is it all just a made up thing inside of my head? Who knows? Only one way to find out.

So there’s that.

I ended up starting the 30 day challenge again. It helped to write about the different areas of my life. To really look at them and to ask myself what I really felt about them. Are they doing alright or do they suck? Why do they suck, or why do I feel good about them? What could fix them or help make them suck less?

It felt good to not hold back on the why part. It felt good to be blatantly honest with myself. I think that’s the first step to any sort of recovery. Honesty. A true assessment. How bad is it really? How dirty and infected?

I think I have a lot of areas that need attention, which is why as a whole I feel like all of me is wounded. Lots of little things are adding up to feel like a major thing. In theory that aught to mean that the fixes are relatively easy. A handful of small changes will have a huge impact. At least that’s what I’m hoping.

I went to work at 9pm, which was chaos. So many questions. >.<;

I wasn’t able to do much of anything aside from bounce from one student to another. I don’t have much faith in the turn-ins. At least not from the projects I was looking at last night.

Oh. I suppose I should mention that I went running before work at the gym. I saw John there as I was leaving. And running most likely wasn’t the best thing for me to do since I ran yesterday, and even that was a rough run with how sore my left shine was. I tried holding on for a solid mile last night, but at .95 I stopped because I still had to hobble home. My shine was killing me, and continued to hurt all night and into this morning.

I actually put an ice pack on it earlier which helped a little bit. I plan to ice it again once I get home. Currently I’m at work, but I’m able to walk without extreme pain so that’s a plus side. I need to keep in mind that I need to care for myself and be smart about working out.

I knew last night that I needed to do something gym related, but I could have biked or done the elliptical or any number of more responsible things. I’m not going to beat myself up over it, especially since I stopped before it got too bad, but I know myself. I know I have a habit of pushing too hard, so I need to be mindful of making the healthy choice.

I thought about playing Witcher 3 last night but opted to go to sleep instead. Zane stayed up with insomnia since things had been rough between us for most of the day. Scarlet slept with me so I had a cuddle buddy, but it’s not the same.

I told Zane this morning that I missed him, and asked if he was staying out of the room because he thought I wanted space. He said no, that he wasn’t able to sleep, and that he knew I wanted him next to me, and that he was sorry he hadn’t been able to sleep. We got to nap for a few hours together this morning. I hope we’ll be able to fall sleep together tonight.

Today has been personally frustrating, but at least I’m moving forward with things.

I had a glass of water, which is something I’m going to try to start doing; having a full glass of water first thing in the morning. Eventually I want it to be two glasses, small steps though. I’ll work up to it.

I heated up the last container of oatmeal and had my coffee while I wrote about my key and intrinsic priorities and ironed out my priority statement. I feel like I’m taking small steps to help myself in that area.

I showered. Zane and I may be doing yoga together once I get home. I know there is a push-up challenge I would like to do. I want to do some leg stretching as well since all of my muscles are tight from running two days in a row and not stretching afterwards at all… Again, not making the healthy choices I should be.

I went to the bank since my debit card still has not come in the mail yet, and my temp card expires today. That was literally two hours worth of waiting to be seen. I was an hour late to work because of it. Since tomorrow is grocery day though I sort of needed to get that done. I asked about getting my credit card reissued while I was there, since I wasn’t able to request a reissue online.

I was told to call a number to talk to customer service. So after my two hour wait in the lobby of my bank I called the number while sitting in my car. Once I finally reached a person it was a pretty quick and painless process. Even with having no information about my card we were able to get things squared away. I should have both cards in roughly 10 days.

If they aren’t delivered then it is most likely an issue with the post office, since both addresses are correct. Another thing added to the ‘waiting for’ list I suppose. At least I have done as much as I can with them.

And that’s my day so far. Productive, frustrating, life. At least I’m doing stuff. Here’s to hoping it’s the right stuff.


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