I just had the realization that most of the art stuff I have been working on I haven’t been posting. And it’s been so long now, a month or so, that I most likely won’t post it. Just not all that interested anymore. They’re in the past, no longer relevant, and I guess more selfishly / importantly, I really just don’t feel like doing it.
That being said, I want to scan the sketches I did this past week and post them just for fun. I may do that later today when I go into work. It’s been added to the to-do list so in a perfect world where I continue to have motivation to do things it will get done.
I really haven’t written much about daily life.
Saturday I had work at 1pm. I spent most of the time writing, catching up on reading, and in general waiting for the time to go home. There were a handful of questions, but for the most part I was left to my own devices, which worked for me.
I cleaned out my notebook which is normally a weekly thing. It used to be one of the tasks I did while at my sports bar, which hasn’t been a solo event in a few weeks, so it hasn’t been happening. But to be honest, it hasn’t been happening for a while, longer than the addition of Zane to my weekly escape, so he isn’t the cause or reason for it not getting done.
It’s another indication that things aren’t right in Jen Land. Organization, cleanliness, order, they all fall out of alignment when I do. My grip on them slackens and things that were once constants, traditions even, are left undone.
I’m working on correcting that. Clearing my browsing history, emptying my email trash can, my computer trash can, cleaning my notebook, going through my ‘in’ box at home… All of those things were once weekly chores which I haven’t consistently done since I moved in. It’s a little depressing to realize that. But with realization comes the possibly to fix it.
I suppose fix isn’t really the word I want to use. It’s not like it’s broken. I’ve obviously been able to carry on without my weekly routine. But having gone through and cleared out my notebook I am reminded of why I have my routines, my chores. They make me feel better. They keep my life organized and manageable. They give me small, easy things to do so when things feel overwhelming I do have small tasks that can help boost my esteem and motivation.
So Saturday I started back on that. One small task at a time I went about de-cluttering my life. When I got home I played Witcher 3 for a little bit while Zane continued to play a game on the TV.
When I first got home I was super sad, all of a sudden, out of nowhere… and for a little bit I did stay in bed. When Zane took a break from his game to check on me we talked about it, how it didn’t feel like my emotions, how I was sorry for feeling the way I did, pretty much the same old same old at this point.
We talked through it, which is when I decided to play Witcher for a bit. After about an hour I felt like I was on even ground again. Enough to be creative. Zane stopped playing his game so we could brainstorm the layout for the character sheets which needed to be created for the game on Sunday.
I actually really like the concepts we came up with, and that gave me motivation to work on them. It wasn’t just a nebulous, “make a sheet” type of project. There was form and direction and I knew what needed to get done. There was a check list, specific tasks, solid guidelines for me to follow. I was cool with that.
I went back to playing Witcher for a little bit. Zane seasoned and cooked some chicken breast so we could have chicken sandwiches. They turned out amazing. It was so much better than going out to eat, and we were able to watch another episode of Aldanoah Zero together.
I put ice on my leg again while we were brainstorming. I’m surprised by how much it helped. I’ll have to keep that in mind for when my shins start acting up again.
Aside from that Saturday was pretty chill.
Sunday was also a pretty decent day.
We had wanted to get up early, which ended up being closer to 11am. I had woken up at 6 in the morning. Zane was asleep on the couch, which I didn’t mind. He had said before I went to sleep that he was most likely going to be up for a while. I wasn’t sure when he went to bed and I wasn’t interested in staying awake, so I got some water and went back to the room with Scarlet.
Zane came in and woke me up at 10:30. We had wanted to be out the door at 11, but that wasn’t going to happen. And it didn’t. No regrets.
We ended up going to Moe’s for our date day. The experience / service was actually pretty lackluster, which sort of sucks. They didn’t have sweet tea. They didn’t have the sugar packets I like using. The server rang up the order wrong.
All of these little things kept happening, and each time inside my head I was like, “Nope. Today is going to be a good day. Screw you, Minor Inconvenience.”
When we finally sat down at our table I told Zane how I was trying to not let the little things bother me, but how the situation wasn’t going the way I had envisioned it in my head and that was bothering me. Luckily we had awesome conversation and the food was good. Lunch saved. Huzzah.
Afterwards we went across the street to do the grocery shopping. Which I totally forgot that we made the shopping list Saturday night. We figured we would be spending roughly $70 to $100 this week, which is still good. Either under or right at what I normally budget.
The Publix we went to was super busy, which frustrated Zane. He doesn’t like shopping and being around a lot of people. We had a bit of a spat in the checkout line, of all places. I felt like it was a bit of a scene, and my brain was all to happy to being downward spiral mode.
We talked about it in the car, and by the time we got back to the apartment we were both joking around and teasing each other again. Day not ruined. Huzzah!
I put all of the groceries away as Zane cleaned and prepped the hookah for later that night. Afterwards I began work on the character sheet. The stats page is the most involved, so once I had a prototype done I took a break, playing Witcher of course.
Zane looked the sheet over and found some errors. I boiled some eggs so we could make tuna later and scrubbed the kitchen counters and stove because they were awful. Once I was done in the kitchen I went back to working on the sheets, making the corrections that Zane noted, and then created the backstory sheet as well as an items sheet.
By the time I was done Zane’s brother was here and John was in the living room as well. We all sat and filled in our sheets. There’s a fair amount that we / I want to change about it now that we are actively using them. Most of it is esthetics though. The sheets actually held up really well for the first test. Very minor things need to be changed, a few things need to be added. A couple new sheets need to be made. One for companion creatures / mounts, and another to act as a spell book for magic casters.
Bobby came over around 9pm. We helped him fill out his sheet since by then we were all masters at it, and then the game began. To be honest I became frustrated and bored with the game because my character wasn’t able to do much. The few things I said I felt like were ignored, or I wasn’t heard, much like real life.
Also, my character is not native to the continent the campaign is being held on, so when I asked about something Uke, Zane’s brother, said that it would be common knowledge to my character. That I would have read about it in my research about the continent… Awesome, dude. It would be nice to know what my character knows so I know how to play her…
That’s a DM thing though. Mechanic wise the combat and currency systems are holding up well. I mentioned my issue about the character knowledge to Zane and Bobby after the game while we were discussing what we liked / didn’t like, and they agreed that Uke and I should sit down and discuss my character knowledge before the next game.
Zane could tell that I wasn’t 100% into the game around 11. I was tired, bored, and mildly frustrated. He pulled me back into the bedroom to ask me what was wrong.
I told him nothing was wrong. And then went on to say how I was tired, bored, how it felt like my character couldn’t do anything in the encounter because I was behind everyone, in the back of the party, and how I felt called out because he had said he wanted to talk to me alone for a few minutes.
See, nothing’s wrong. Everything is perfect… as I claw your face off… rawr!
He hugged me and apologized. He hadn’t meant anything bad about wanting to talk to me. He said that it seemed like I wasn’t ok, and he wanted to make sure I was. He was trying to care for me. I asked how much longer the game was going to go, not because I really wanted it to end. The introvert in me needed to know that there was an end in sight, that social time wouldn’t last for forever.
Uke had to leave around midnight, so at most there would be another hour. I could do that. We hugged the whole time we were talking, and that helped. It gave me a bit of a recharge and closeness which I needed. I also made a cup of coffee when we went back out to join the others since I hadn’t had my cup that morning. Holding the warmth in my hands helped too. I don’t know why it does, but it does.
The rest of the experience was fun. I got to engage a bit more, and after the game when it was just Bobby, Zane and I my introvert was fine. Less people, less input.
After chatting for a bit about the game I showered and ended up going to sleep.
And here we are at a new day. A Monday.
I have already made a batch of oatmeal, so that should last a few days. I made the tuna. I have had two glasses of water. I have gone through and completed the challenge assignments for the past two days. I have looked into my student loans since I received an email about them. I tried calling mom, but got the answering machine instead.
I haven’t talked to her in about three weeks. Hard to believe it’s been that long. I don’t feel like I have much to talk about other than how I’ve been struggling with my emotions. It might be a fairly short conversation.
I’ve gone through all of my email. Once I finish my blog I have the tasks of going to the gym and working on homework. For the most part my tasks today are light and, in theory, easily accomplished.
I have work at 9pm. And since I don’t have much else to write about at the moment I guess I should get up and continue on with my day.