Daily Post 0175: Opportunities

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There was a lot of writing yesterday. There was a major, massive fight with Zane, too. Yet, despite that, yesterday was awesome.

Shortly after writing my daily post Zane woke up. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t pretend to be ok because I was still bothered. He asked why and I explained that his comment bothered me.

In all of our previous ‘fighting’ there has never been raised voices. There’s never been cursing. Really, they’re not fights even though in my irrational right brain they are.

Zane doesn’t count them, and on the logical side I don’t consider them fights either. There’s emotional discord inside of me during our spats. A metric crap ton… but it’s not like when Warren #2 and I would fight.

This was closer to a real fight. Our voices were raised, not yelling, but it would have woken up the roommates if we had gotten into it during the night. There wasn’t cursing, which I’m grateful for. Really it was pretty civilized. We let each other talk loudly without interrupting. Polite fighting… who knew…

There were tears on both sides. We really threw everything down on the table. He kept saying that it didn’t matter what he wanted because it wasn’t possible. That he was going to have to accept a shitty job because he doesn’t have marketable skills. That he was going to have to work minimum wage for forever.

He told me to leave the room. To go away. So I did. I sat in the corner of the bathroom because it’s the only other room in the apartment where I can shut a door and feel like I have privacy.

I wasn’t going to feel sorry for what I said. I wasn’t going to feel bad about being angry. I wasn’t going to feel bad that he wanted space because I wanted it, too. There was so much. Anger, hurt, exasperation.

The only one saying it’s not possible is you! >.<; Arg! So much frustration.

Like… “I want to throw a brick at your face,” level of frustration. Where there’s a will there’s a way. I can’t be that will for you though. You have to want it bad enough to see the opportunities and motivated enough to put in the effort to make it happen. I can’t make it happen for you.

After roughly 10 minutes I heard him open the bedroom door. There was a knock on the bathroom door shortly after that. I had curled up on the floor, using my bath towel as a pillow. I was calmer. I felt cleaner because I had said what I wanted to. I didn’t feel bad or depressed. I felt justified. I actually felt pretty strong and resolved. In what I don’t know… Maybe myself. My beliefs, my feelings. I felt right.

“Come in.”

Zane opened the door and saw me on the floor. He was sort of quiet. He said that one of the call centers he applied to had emailed him. They wanted him to complete a video interview for the position he applied for.

He said from now on before we fought he had to check his email first. I like how we can ‘fight’ and still smile at each other in the end. How he tried to help me off the floor and I was a brat and tried to pull him down instead. I like how we hugged and said how we’re both a pain in the ass. How we deserve each other.

I’m glad he has this opportunity. Even if it doesn’t pan out. I think it’s giving him hope. If he heard back from one place he can hear back from others. It’s not a wasted effort.

We ended up having lunch and watching an episode of Aldnoah. We talked more afterwards. We both agreed that the fight wasn’t bad. That we’re ok. We both agreed that it had needed to happen.

I worked on my homework afterwards. I actually went back through and replaced all of my sounds with Zelda sounds. I might post it just for fun. I’m pretty proud of how it turned out. Still a few things I want to go back and tweak, but overall it’s a success in my book.

That took longer than I thought it would so I missed out on kickboxing. I went running instead. I was doing really well until my last two intervals. My knee buckled twice. Much lame.

I was glad that I wasn’t going faster. I was able to recover both times, and nothing felt like it had been hurt. After the second incident I figured the Universe was telling me to stop it, so I did. I finished my session with walking, then walked back to the apartment, being mindful. The walking at the end put me at a 19 minute mile, but like I said, in the beginning I was doing really well, so I’m ok with it.

I showered, ate, then headed to work. I sketched for most of the lab. This week is supposed to be monsters. Instead of big, scary monsters though I’m doing adorable baby monsters. Yesterday I did griffins. There’s a few that turned out super cute and I’m extremely pleased with them. : 3

When I got home I was insanely tired. I cooked scrambled eggs, had more water, then went to sleep shortly after. Zane went out to the living to finish watching Critical Roll because I was being grouchy. I guess he ended up falling asleep on the couch. He woke me up around 7am when he came back into the room.

This morning started around 9:30 for me. I had a bottle of water while poking around online. I had oatmeal for breakfast with my coffee.

I was planning on going to the gym for a yoga class at 11. Instead, Zane woke up around 10 and agreed to do a yoga podcast with me at the apartment. It was a quick 15 minute podcast. One that I had never done before. I really enjoyed it though. It was part of a chakra flow series, so it was the root chakra today, which focused on being rooted and stretching out the legs. I needed that so much.

There was a fair amount of child’s pose as well, which helped stretch out my shoulders. They’re still sore from kickboxing.

Zane said we should do yoga together more often. That he really enjoyed it. I’m pretty sure he genuinely means it, too. He’s not one to say things just to make other people feel better. He definitely wouldn’t suffer through something he didn’t like.

We had lunch and watched another episode of Aldnoah. I showered, and now I’m at work.

Zane is supposed to do the video interview while I’m away and finish the application for the post office position. I have to complete the grading for project 2 today and run by the store before going home. Today is Nicole’s last day in Florida, so I need to see her one last time. I have sketching to do, and I would like to finish working on my homework assignment so it is done. That would leave tomorrow fairly clear since I do not have work tomorrow night. Huzzah.

I found that out yesterday. Best day ever.

There’s two episodes left in Aldnoah, so Zane and I will most likely try to finish that tonight once I get home. I wouldn’t mind doing another yoga podcast before going to sleep just to keep everything stretched out and limber.

I’ve been doing well with the gym / working out which makes me feel good. Things still haven’t changed, but they are looking up. I feel good. I’m hopeful.

I’m going to make today a good day.

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