I’m behind a few days. Back to making a checklist for what to write about I suppose.
Fight with Zane
$20 for razors x.x
Issue with classes resolved
Talked to mom
Week 3 – digital painting
Double billed for storage unit
Picked up books for class
New come home routine
There was a ‘fight’ on Monday when I got back home from work. You know… the day that we got the information about the job and that things were looking up. The day that should have been awesome ended up taking a giant nose dive that didn’t get better until Tuesday morning.
Beyond mind-blowingly frustrating pretty much sums it up. How could we have a bad day when we got the best news we could have possibly hoped for? Arg! >.<;
Anyway, instead of writing my blog on Tuesday I wrote to Zane instead. Part of the issue was he was frustrated with me and my lack of communication on Monday night. Having the space and time to think through my emotions helped, and being able to write was part of that process.
Since then things have been good. I’ll most likely end up posting the letter I wrote so I can have it here, a loose leaf page tucked into my digital journal. I want to hold on to it. It was / is important to me, and I feel it deserves to be here along with all of my other writings.
The phone interview went well for Zane so all that’s left is for him to go to the in-person interview next week. We’re most likely going to go out to lunch to celebrate afterwards.
Yesterday, after talking about the icky stuff we ended up going to the grocery store. Zane recently shaved his head (and by recently I mean like a month ago), so every few days I help him touch up by shaving the back of his head, getting the spots that he sometimes misses. The razor he uses is sort of old, so we talked about looking at getting new razor heads for it. That ended up being a $20 investment.
I wasn’t expecting them to be so expensive. But really it’s still only about 5 bucks for one replacement, since it was a pack of four. It cut into a bit of next week’s grocery budget. It will be nice to feel like I’m not tearing his skin off when I help clean up his scalp though, so I guess it’s not completely bad. He told me to add it to the “Money Owed” Google doc.
The issue with my online class is completely resolved. I have to go to the distribution center to pick up two books for this month. Actually, I’ve already been there, but for whatever reason I only got one book. I had been pretty sure I needed two, but when I was only handed one I figured I must have been mistaken.
Nope. I was right. When I got back to my computer I checked my assigned reading for this week, and of course all if it is in the book I didn’t get. So before too long, most likely after this post, I’ll walk back over there and see about picking it up.
Mom had called me yesterday morning, before things were resolved with Zane. I was still in bed sort of dreading the day. I made plans to talk to her later, but never did. I sent her a message this morning to let her know I was up and able to talk. She called me a little bit after that, right when I was sitting down to eat breakfast. XD
Phone tag anyone?
I ended up calling her back after I ate, and we chatted for about an hour as I put the cloths away.
I told her about all of the developments with Zane, about working on my certification, and about how things were looking up. She told me the developments about selling the house and her trip out to Vegas. It was a good conversation and I’m glad we got to talk. I feel better talking to someone about the issues with Zane and getting outside perspective on the situation.
I did kickboxing Saturday morning and yesterday evening. Not sure if I mentioned that or not. I’m super feeling it today, which is supposed to be another kickboxing day. I’m going to try going to it, and then possibly taking tomorrow as a rest day, or doing something stretchy like yoga. Stretching would be the best option since I can feel the tightness in my legs and core. Yeah… yesterday we did 15 minutes of core work. Russian twists. >.<;
Surprisingly my core isn’t sore today even though it felt like dying would have been the better option while I was working out.
Monday I went running even though I wasn’t feeling ‘good’ emotionally. I’m glad I did. I made a new playlist to listen to before I went to the gym and that helped. The music really jived with me and kept me going, which I needed. I also spent some time stretching and meditating afterwards.
I’ve started in on week three of my art stuff. I’ve finished one project completely and started on a second one. A dragon. I got all of the base color in yesterday with some simple shading, but I wasn’t able to finish it before having to pack up for the gym, and then work.
I’m hoping to get it finished today, though I don’t know if I will or not. I only spend about an hour, maybe two, drawing / doing artys stuff a day. I don’t know if it will be at a point that I will consider it completed in two hours. I’m going to try though. It might extend into a three day project. I will be ok if it does. It will just be something to keep in mind for the next time I focus on digital painting for a week. I’ll only be doing three maybe four pieces rather than seven.
I found out last night that U-Haul double billed me for my storage unit, so I was missing $150 in my account. I’m glad I caught that before my gym membership tried to go through. I’ve already called the store this morning and got that taken care of. They couldn’t do a partial refund, so they refunded me for the whole amount and I will need to make the payment again once the funds are back in my account.
I’m pretty sure I know what happened. The first time I tried to pay I was told that it was declined, so I tried to pay a second time, which worked. I’m guessing that the first time actually did go through. Either way, the issue is fixed, so there’s nothing to worry about in that department.
On the topic of money, I’m pretty sure this is the last month that I’m going to have to pay for the YMCA membership. So that will be an extra $45 each month that I’ll be able to throw at my credit card. Woo.
I had an email from a coworker last night, Robin, asking me to be a guest speaker for a club she is reimaging. It is a club specifically for women at the school and she was looking for “inspirational and successful female faculty” to be guest speakers at the clubs meetings.
I was humbled and honored to be one of the people Robin asked to speak. I don’t think I’m all that inspirational or successful, especially right now as I feel all I do is complain and whine constantly about my life. I don’t know what I would have to offer as a guest speaker.
But, despite that I told Robin I would love to speak at the meetings, because I would. I love sharing my experience as a former student, and now as a faculty member. I love talking about the freelance projects I have done, and the people I have had the pleasure of meeting and connecting with. I also told her to let me know if there was anything I could do, and that I would love to be part of the club. So we’ll see what happens with that.
Going a bit more into detail about the blow-up on Monday night… Zane had said, again, how he felt lonely. How even though we’re living together that we never really spend any time together anymore. It was frustrating, and discouraging, and the more he pressed for me to talk, the more I wanted to be left alone, which made him frustrated, which made me feel worse and pull away more…
Overall it just sucked. He ended up sleeping in the living room for a while. When he came into the room eventually I wasn’t able to sleep next to him because I hardcore needed space, from everything, not specifically him, so we basically traded places on the couch.
I wrote an email to him in the morning while he was still asleep. I wanted to type it all out and get it out of my system. I wanted him to know that I felt he had valid points on some things, and how others I felt were unfair to me. When he woke up I mentioned that I had sent him my writing, and that I would be hiding in the living room. XD
he teased me, but didn’t make me stay in the room while he read the email. When he was done he out and sat next to me on the couch. He hugged me and said we were ok since I had mentioned that I was terrified that my writing would ruin our day before it even had a chance to start.
It actually really helped things. He agreed with a lot of my points. He said that he was looking at the situation with a bit of a biased light, and that wasn’t fair. He understood where I was coming from on all of my issues.
One issue he has with me is that I tend to be agitated when I come home from work. And I agree that most of the time I am, and that I feel it’s because I don’t have a “come home” routine anymore.
When I lived alone I would come home, put my stuff down, clean the litter box, feed Scarlet, do any sort of kitchen cleaning that needed to happen… I had this system that helped me transition from work mode to home mode, and in the few months that Zane and I have been living together we haven’t really established a new routine.
He mentioned that it has been years since he has co-existed with a significant other, so he’s having to adjust to it, too.
For me, when I come home, normally he’s watching some sort of YouTube show or anime. I feel like an intruder most of the time because I feel like I’m interrupting him. Even though he says hi, he doesn’t get up and hug me. It feels like he’s occupied with something else. It doesn’t feel very warm and welcoming.
I don’t want to do things around the room because I don’t want to be distracting, and he wants cleaning the cat’s pan to be his chore, so that’s a task that I can’t really do… Sometimes he get annoyed if I clean the kitchen because he wanted to do it for me… I don’t want to start doing my own thing because I don’t know if we’re supposed to be doing something together…
I’m normally a ball of confusion and angst until we figure out what we’re doing for the evening, which makes me seem prickly. I need a plan otherwise I’m left floundering and that confusion makes me abrasive.
I mentioned that in my email. And one of his solutions was to give us a routine. Whenever someone comes home, me or him, we’re supposed to greet each other with a hug, and if we haven’t already, figure out what dinner is and what we’re feeling for the evening since most of the time that fluctuates depending on how the rest of the day has gone.
It’s so silly, so small, but knowing what to expect for the first five minutes of coming home makes it seem so much easier to do. More accepting, more stable. Reliable. If he’s home, there will always be at least a hug. If he’s not home, then there will be alone time, and I can do whatever I want until Zane gets of work, then there will be a hug for him.
I like it. Yesterday we put it into practice, so with only one day worth of testing behind it it’s a 100% success. Yay statistics. : D
I think it will help with me being more approachable. It will give me a chance to hide for a second against his shoulder, to breath deep, and to let go of work.
I think a lot of our issues with spending time together will be resolved once he starts working again. I’ll get the alone time that I need.
I really hope I’m not looking at the future with rose tinted glasses. I’m trying to go off of the few months we were together before Zane lost his job at the hookah lounge. Those months were exactly what I wanted and was hoping for as far as a “move in situation” goes. I’m trying to use those months as my proof that the social strain on our relationship will fix itself in time.
I do think he has a valid point though. Almost every relationship I have been in has mentioned how they feel ‘alone’ because I’m always so busy with other things. How it feels I never make time for them. If multiple people have the same issue, then there has to be some validity. It’s not an anomaly or one person being “clingy”. It is something that I will be more mindful of.
That’s about it for right now I think. My to-do list already has a fair amount of scratches on it. Time to make some more.