Musing Moment 0055: Days 12 and 13

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Day 12 of the challenge is always a little rough. It’s the day where we admit to some of the awful things we say to ourselves in our head. Lately I’ve had more negative thoughts and conversations with myself than I have in a while.

One of the biggest things I find myself saying is:

I’m failing at life.

I use my incomplete tasks and unreached goals as proof that I’m a failure. That I’ll never move forward. That my dreams are stupid and childish and unattainable. I should give up and accept where I am because everything I want is futile.

Yeah…

Those are only some of the thought I lash myself with on the bad days.

But you know what?

I’m not failing at life. I’m doing amazingly well. I am successful and I will reach all of my dreams, because the only difference between a dream and reality is hard work. I will get the things I want, even if the Universe ends up making me adhere to a different time table that what I want.

It’s not pointless. It’s not futile, and the only way I’m a failure is if I say I am. So, I’m going to stop saying it. I’m not a failure. I’m amazing. I kick ass. I’m awesome. Look at me being an adult and shit and holding everything together like MacGyver. Duct tape and super glue all the way. : D


Day 13 is about relationships, another potentially hard day. This one is actually sort of interesting for me. Who should I be spending more, or less, time with?

I do not feel I have any negative relationships in my life. And I honestly feel that I need to spend more time with myself, alone, reflecting, than investing more time into the relationships I have. Except maybe Zane, John, and Tre.

My brother, John, I haven’t seriously chatted with in a while. Same for Tre. It would be good to foster those relationships a bit more.

And since it recently came up that Zane feels like we do not spend time ‘together’ I should make more time for that aspect of our relationship so we both can feel fulfilled.

Other than that, I feel I need to give myself more ‘me’ time, and not feel bad about requiring it. Zane is able to have time to himself, I should be able to have my own down / recharge time. And it is something that we are both aware of and working on.

So I think in all honestly, that this area will be ok. The take-away from these past two days is “Stop being a jerk to yourself.”

I’m actually going to start writing that on my to-do list every day. Right under my “Workout Everyday” reminder.

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5 thoughts on “Musing Moment 0055: Days 12 and 13

  1. You’re awesome and you definitely inspire me to keep on track! Good point about pursuing goals. Even if they don’t happen as quickly as we’d like, we can still be moving forward and growing at our own pace. It doesn’t mean we’re failing, but rather than we may have to adjust our own self-imposed timelines. Thanks for the reminder 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know the ‘Time Table’ for my tasks is something I still struggle with. A lot. This whole experience with Zane being unemployed is a really good example. All of the discord I’m feeling is simply over the fact that the credit card goal I had for myself isn’t going according to plan.

      Everything else if fine, seriously. It’s just this one, small, silly thing that is raining all over my parade. Zane and I sat down and did some math (because we’re nerds : D ). I could have the card paid off by my birthday if he gets the job. Talk about the best birthday present ever. So in the scheme of things, does being two months late on ‘completing’ a goal make me a failure?

      No. Of course not. Not any more than it would make someone else a ‘failure’. It’s my own perspective that’s making things hard for me. The “Don’t be a jerk to yourself” reminder on my to-do list has been helping with that. : )

      Liked by 2 people

      • So true. When something doesn’t work out, I usually react one of two ways. One is to be frustrated and the other is to accept that things didn’t work out and to make adjustments as needed. As someone who’s first reaction is typically one of frustration, it takes almost constant reminders to assure me that my life isn’t ruined and I haven’t failed. I think I’ll have to post my own ‘don’t be a jerk to yourself’ reminder on my mirror, as a way to keep a proper perspective 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it’s better for me to have more frequent alone time than longer alone time. I recently found a Me-n-Eds Pizza place near my work that’s always slow at lunch. As full as my life is, an hour there a day has really helped my need for alone time. There’s usually only a couple other tables filled. Lunch is $7. There are TVs if I need to check out for a few minutes, and huge tables in booths where I can do my journaling and planning. I’ve stopped asking people to lunch. It’s become my me-time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree about the more frequent periods of time. Little moments where I can stop and catch my breath, recharge, and reflect before moving forward with the next task.

      I have reclaimed my sports bar Friday routine as a solo activity. It’s only been two weeks so far, but it’s helped me. I have ‘my’ table where I get to set up shop for a few hours and have uninterrupted work time. It’s really nice and I’m glad to have it back.

      Liked by 1 person

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