Day 12 of the challenge is always a little rough. It’s the day where we admit to some of the awful things we say to ourselves in our head. Lately I’ve had more negative thoughts and conversations with myself than I have in a while.
One of the biggest things I find myself saying is:
I’m failing at life.
I use my incomplete tasks and unreached goals as proof that I’m a failure. That I’ll never move forward. That my dreams are stupid and childish and unattainable. I should give up and accept where I am because everything I want is futile.
Those are only some of the thought I lash myself with on the bad days.
But you know what?
I’m not failing at life. I’m doing amazingly well. I am successful and I will reach all of my dreams, because the only difference between a dream and reality is hard work. I will get the things I want, even if the Universe ends up making me adhere to a different time table that what I want.
It’s not pointless. It’s not futile, and the only way I’m a failure is if I say I am. So, I’m going to stop saying it. I’m not a failure. I’m amazing. I kick ass. I’m awesome. Look at me being an adult and shit and holding everything together like MacGyver. Duct tape and super glue all the way. : D
Day 13 is about relationships, another potentially hard day. This one is actually sort of interesting for me. Who should I be spending more, or less, time with?
I do not feel I have any negative relationships in my life. And I honestly feel that I need to spend more time with myself, alone, reflecting, than investing more time into the relationships I have. Except maybe Zane, John, and Tre.
My brother, John, I haven’t seriously chatted with in a while. Same for Tre. It would be good to foster those relationships a bit more.
And since it recently came up that Zane feels like we do not spend time ‘together’ I should make more time for that aspect of our relationship so we both can feel fulfilled.
Other than that, I feel I need to give myself more ‘me’ time, and not feel bad about requiring it. Zane is able to have time to himself, I should be able to have my own down / recharge time. And it is something that we are both aware of and working on.
So I think in all honestly, that this area will be ok. The take-away from these past two days is “Stop being a jerk to yourself.”
I’m actually going to start writing that on my to-do list every day. Right under my “Workout Everyday” reminder.