At the moment I’m feeling ok.
Work was rough. There is a turn in soon. David is back though, so it wasn’t as bad as the previous lab. I don’t know why but it feels like the end of the week already. If only it were.
Rather, if only it were the end of the week and that actually meant something for me because I don’t get weekends off, or any day really, so there really isn’t a point to wanting it to be the end of the week in the first place. /sigh
Coffee this past week has been sort of lame. I got a hazel nut coffee creamer. It tastes kind of like Christmas. I don’t really like it. I don’t know why, but my mouth just doesn’t want it. I got a container of the peppermint mocha one that I like. Normally I don’t begin a new container until the old one is gone, but I’m sort of breaking that rule right now and I’m left wondering if I should dump the hazel nut because I really would rather not finish it. That’s pretty wasteful though, and I would be bothered by that.
I need to make a decision on what to do before too long. I’m already pretty tired with wasting mental energy on it.
Zane made the stir-fry last night. I peeled and deveined the shrimp, and the veggies were already cut up from the other morning. We watched a few episodes of Psycho-Pass before I went into work. It’s getting interesting. Not to the point of Ergo Proxy where I have to watch the next episode or I would have died, but good nonetheless.
I wasn’t able to get a lot of stitching done yesterday after Zane woke up. I only have some backstitching left to do, and finishing off two letters at the bottom of the piece. I would like to finish it today, but I’m not making myself any promises.
Luis got an art test yesterday. No, not just an art test. A super awesome, “holy-shit I can’t believe that company is talking to you, that’s amazing!” art test. It doesn’t seem to be that hard of one either. That being said, he’s putting the certification on hold until he’s done with the test, which I can understand. He said if I wanted I could do the test alone instead of waiting for him. I might do that. I really want to take the test this month. That way I can move on to the Professional Certification. Maybe that can be next month.
Zane and I ended up not doing the drug test yesterday. That was frustrating. The test center he needed to go to ended up being a different one than the one he told me, which isn’t bad, but I don’t like not knowing where I’m going. I’m trusting someone else to not get me lost, so that was off to a bad start. It was raining for another thing, and I really didn’t feel like being out in the rain, or driving in it. The center was only open until three and it was two already, so I felt a little rushed. And, to top it off, once we had finally been able to cross across traffic to get out of the apartment complex parking lot Zane realized he had forgotten his paperwork, and at that point if we turned around we wouldn’t be able to make it to the center before it closed….
Meh. Too depressed to care.
We ended up going to a Waffle House to eat. That’s the last of the money for being under budget.
It was the Waffle House that I would go to with Mother Earth. I cried a little when I told Zane about it. How I had parked in the exact same parking spot three months after her and Josh had moved away and broke down. How I had been unable to go inside because I missed them so much.
I still do. I still cried in the parking lot. I still hope they are doing well and that one day Mother Earth and I can repair the relationship I feel I have broken. It feels like shattered, broken pieces of spiky glass inside my chest. I don’t know where to begin with it because all of it hurts.
I don’t think she reads my blog anymore. With how depressing it’s been lately I wouldn’t blame her. I hope married life is going well for her. I hope things are better.
I hope she knows that I still miss her.
So that was a little hard yesterday. I did go inside. An empty worn out shell of a person. But I did it. I wonder if that’s healing.
When I got home from work I ate, watched a few YouTube videos with Zane, cleaned the kitchen, then went to bed. He stayed up for a bit, so when he came into the room I once again woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I ended up on the couch again with Shadow, Zane’s cat, as a cuddle buddy.
I’ve already had breakfast of leftover stir-fry. I’m working on my coffee. I know that sounds like a weird combination. Don’t judge me. >.<;
Zane is off to get the drug test taken care of. I let him take my car, which I’m wondering if that’s worth the stress. I’m internally freaking out that he’ll get into a wreck, that I won’t be able to get to work, that I’ll be left with a $10k loan for a car minus the car. I’m worried that he’ll get hurt when he doesn’t have health insurance. And at the same time I’m worried that he won’t get hurt and I’ll be able to kill him myself…
Blah, so much thought. If only I could go back to sleep and not worry about it.
One of the things he had to do for the job offer was have his credit history checked. That caused him some stress because his credit right now is pretty awful. He was honest about it in the interview, and he didn’t see a reason why they would deny him based solely on credit. But it was nerve wracking for him.
This morning he had an email saying his credit check was fine. So the only hurtle that’s left is the drug test, and since he doesn’t binge nightly on cocaine I think we’re in the clear.
Today is Shading and Lighting. I plan to work on schoolwork again. I need to finish off my reading for the week and begin work on the brochure. Finishing the cross stitch would be nice. Reading more of Dragonflight would be cool, too.
That’s about all I have on my agenda though. Maybe boiling eggs for the tuna. And I’m going to stop there because I know myself. I’ll keep finding little things to keep adding to my list until it’s a mountain that towers above me. I’m up, and I’ll be showered before going to work. That’s a good day in my book.