I didn’t have it in me to post this last night. That would have required proof reading, the minimal I do of that… and I really just wanted to get home and way from work by the end of the night.
Since I didn’t post last night I’ve gone ahead and tagged in the last bit of the evening when I got home, and part of this morning.
Pre Ride Home
Today has been going so well. Well… it had it’s moments, but overall today has been great, so it sucks that it’s ending with me wishing desperately that it wasn’t illegal to kill people because I’m so sick of answering BS questions that have no right to be asked, especially when people are paying literally thousands of dollars to sit through a lecture, have podcasts, and all sorts of other reference material…
It hasn’t been bad until this last hour, but seriously every time this person twitches I have to restrain myself from going ballistic because I know they’re going to as me a question, and I know it’s going to be something they should already know. My introvertedness is so tapped out right now it’s not even funny. And I hate that the lab is ending this way. It was great. The whole day has been pretty swell. I don’t want to be angry and frustrated, but they’re not going to go away just yet, these feelings. They’re going to linger for a little while and keep me wanting to bite someone’s head off.
I don’t want to go home like this. I don’t want to spew my day at Zane when he’s feeling sick and had his own rough go at it. It was his first day taking calls on his own. No training wheels. I want to be able to talk to him about his day. I want to be able to hug him and cook him dinner and sort of pamper him because he’s sick. You know… the whole mother hen thing…
But no. I would rather punch people in the face right now if they so much as think too loudly in my direction.
This morning started with breakfast. It actually started at 5:30 am because Zane’s alarm was set for that time for some ungodly reason. I couldn’t fall back asleep so I got up around 5:45. I unloaded the dishwasher and packed his lunch because I was already up. Around 6 I started making breakfast and at 6:05 when I was thinking to go make sure Zane was up he came out of the bedroom, dressed and everything. Responsibility never looked so sexy.
We had breakfast. Zane mentioned feeling icky and that he was nervous.
I didn’t have to be in to work until 1ish, which meant leaving the apartment around noon. So I had a lot of time to myself.
I started laundry. I cooked oatmeal since we both agreed to do something different than eggs. I emailed Zane some pictures I took of the hookah last night. He wants to make a tutorial for a friend and we needed visuals for some of the processes.
I worked on my mom’s resume finally. I had a few questions for her so I couldn’t finish it, but I have a good idea of where I want to go with it. I bought the net for the crate. It has free shipping on it, but that means it’s not going to be here until around the end of the month. I worked through more of my certification booklet since I had time this morning to do it. I didn’t get through the animation section like I wanted, but I was dragging a little bit. Tired. That didn’t bode well for the rest of the day…
I emailed Carol, the secretary for our program, attaching a zipped folder with pictures of all of the cross stitching I have done recently. She emailed me back saying she had been wondering when I was going to send her more to display on the faculty TV. That made me smile. Carol is awesome.
I went to the leasing office to see about my parking decal since they never called or emailed me. I guess their order got delayed and they won’t have the decals in until next week. Arg. But that’s not all that bad. At least I will get one eventually… I hope…
I had thought to stay at home and stitch for a bit, but I wanted to shower first. I guess there’s air in our pipes or something because when I turned the faucet no water came out… and nothing came out for the hour or so that I waited… and waited… and waited… and F this. I need to shower.
Zane and Trevor mentioned this can happen during the winter season, so I didn’t freak out, but there was no way I was going to work without a shower.
So… (today is the day for dots) I ended up leaving the apartment early, biked to school, dropped by backpack off, biked to the YMCA, showered, then biked back to school. That means I’m looking at a 10 mile day as far as the bike goes. Not there just yet since I still have to go home, but it’s not like I can weasel my way out of those last three.
I made it to work in time to go to my department meeting. I hadn’t planned to be there, but it worked out nicely. I ate lunch during it, not feeling guilty in the slightest. I then went to lab since that started at 1pm.
I began entering in all of my DAD classes into the Career Path system for work. That was a bit of a cluster because of the hours. I guess they didn’t want the actual hours that I put into the class. They wanted the credit hours for the course. So all of my entries got denied and I have to go back and reenter them now. I have no idea what the credit hour value for the classes are, but Clavan is supposed to get that information for me. At least I have the Word doc with all of my information saved so it’s just copy and paste at this point.
I emailed everyone about wanting to take the 13th off to take my certification test. I didn’t get any responses for that, but I’m sure it will be fine. If not I’ll take a vacation day because I’m taking that test come hell or high water.
I wrote a post for the Respect Award that I was nominated for by Shrew. And I’ve been cross stitching for most of the time I’ve been at work.
My bike chain seems to be skipping when I start pedaling, so I looked into that a bit. I’m not bike savvy enough to know anything though, so the articles I read weren’t all that helpful. I’ll mention the issue to Zane and Trevor and maybe they can do their manly-man stuff and magically fix it.
I also started looking at taekwondo podcasts but I haven’t found anything that I like yet. Mostly because that’s what I was doing towards the end of lab, so every 30 seconds I was getting interrupted by this one student. And it sucks worse because of the fact that he’s so draining means I don’t have as much patience for other students. It’s not fair to them. And what’s even worse, because there’s a lot of “worse” in this situation, this dude is scheduled to be in the first lab. He’s staying over into the second lab so he can be here and have extra help, which I totally, normally, don’t mind. There’s tons of extra seats, so as long as someone isn’t being a distraction I don’t mind if they want to hang out at school for longer.
But I just survived four hours of this guy’s questions, only to have to suffer through another four hours when I want to pull my hair out and tell him to leave me alone and stop sucking my soul out through my brain. Blarg.
This is one of those moments where I feel unprepared for my job. I know he has a learning disability. I should be more patient. I should, I don’t know, be able to do something to help him. But I can’t. I can’t make him understand the material. He has to find a way to absorb the information that Clavan provides for him. I can’t sit with one student and redo all of lecture while everyone else has to figure out their own questions because I’m occupied and unable to help them. That’s not how lab is supposed to be, or able to be, run.
He has no notes. He has nothing to show that he’s trying to work with his disability. And really I don’t think it’s a disability. He’s smart. Once he has the information he’s fine. It’s just figuring out how to get his brain to process it, since he processes things differently.
This is something I’m going to have to talk to Clavan about. I’m not going to be able to go through the whole month like this. I’m not going to get to the end of every lab and wish I had a concrete wall to bash my head against because I’m so drained that death by blunt force trauma sounds like a mercy.
If nothing else then I’ll have to enforce a “One Lab” rule where no one is allowed to stay over into the second lab. Which would suck, but if that’s the only way I can make it through the second lab then that’s what’s going to have to happen.
So with all of that out of my system I’m going to bike home. Hopefully the new playlist I made and the solitude will help disperse the rest of the feelings so by the time I get home I’ll be alright. I’m supposed to go to the store for a few things. Originally Zane was going to do it, but now he’s not because he doesn’t want to go back out, and I can’t really blame him because if I were sick I wouldn’t want to either.
I’m thinking about not doing it though. I might save it for tomorrow after Zane gets home because after biking 10 miles and working for 8 hours, I really just want to shower, eat, and go to sleep because I have to bike back to work at 7am tomorrow.
The store doesn’t have anything that could make being around people worth it. Unless it had student loan forgiveness… I might go out and mingle for that, but even that is doubtful. That’s how much I really just want to not deal with shit right now.
Post Work Writing – The Conclusion
The bike ride home wasn’t as relaxing as I wanted. I mean… it was great until I got to the final stretch (what was it with the end of things being bad yesterday? ) On the last bit of my trip I almost got hit twice because people were racing down the street to get to the road I was biking along, because rushing to get there and wait on traffic was way worth it…
So I was still agitated when I got home. I actually stayed outside and had a little mini cry session in the dark because I was feeling so overwhelmed with it all. I just needed some space to emotionally process and I wasn’t going to get that by going into the apartment. I couldn’t go in just yet. Soon, but not yet.
So I stayed outside listening to music, letting my brain do its thing until I felt ok enough to take on the rest of my night. I carried the bike up the stairs, went inside, and immediately attacked the dishes in the sink. I needed to restore order and balance to something, accomplish something, to jump start good feelings.
Zane was asleep. He looked awful. I let him stay asleep and made sure that his lunchbox and water bottles were taken care of for the next day. The whole time I was thinking about how often he took care of me when I was depressed. How he watched all of Ergo Proxy in the dark with me. How he would hug me while I cried for no reason. This was a small thing compared to that. Making sure his day wasn’t ruined over the simple fact that he was feeling sick.
I ate a quick dinner before going back out to the store. I got the veggies for the Cajun pasta, more bacon since we’re blowing through that. With both of us eating two slices for breakfast and Zane using another two on his BLTs it’s sort of understandable. I also got DayQuil for him, which was the real reason I decided going back out would be worth it.
When I got home I cooked the bacon while I cut up the veggies for tomorrow evening. After that I showered since I hadn’t done that from my bike ride yet. I didn’t want to shower until I was able to change into comfy clothes, which meant doing the store and other chores first.
That wrapped up my night. I slept on the couch since Zane was sick and I didn’t want to wake him up by going into the room. I woke up at 4:30 sort of awake, but I didn’t want to start my day that early. Instead I crawled into bed and spent the next hour and a half sleeping next to Zane.
He didn’t feel any better this morning. He was thinking about calling out sick, but he doesn’t have sick time yet. I told him that I didn’t think it would be the best move even though he felt like crap. He agreed.
Instead he stayed in bed a bit longer. I got up to make sure things were taken care of and because I wanted to shower and eat before leaving for work. Zane messaged me a little while after getting to work saying the DayQuil seemed to be helping a lot, so that’s good. Hopefully the day isn’t awful for him. I kept telling him in the morning that it was already on a countdown, and that he would be home before too long and then it would be the weekend with no obligations or early wake up calls.
I didn’t get out the door until about 7:15, but it was bright enough to bike on the sidewalk so I think I might continue leaving around 7:20ish in the mornings instead of right at 7. It was a much more enjoyable bike ride this morning, too. A complete 180 from last night at least.
When I got to work I clocked in and started drinking water instantly. I don’t think I drank enough when I got home yesterday. When I woke up at 4:30 I had a killer headache. My shower helped a lot, and I took DayQuil myself since I woke up congested. I can’t get sick… that would make this whole biking thing a nightmare.
I still had a headache when lab started so Frank let me have some ibuprofen. The migraine I felt building has gone away, so I think I’ll be alright for the rest of the day. At least hopefully I’ll be able to last until I get back home at 1ish.
I had an email from my dad this morning saying thank you for the note I sent on his birthday. There was a bit more to it, so I responded, catching him up on a bit of what I’ve been doing, asking questions about the girls. Normal exchanging of pleasantries. That sort of thing. It was nice to see a reply from him. I was worried that he wouldn’t.
I had a notification from Amazon. My bungee net shipped out and should be here Monday. Score! That’s way better than the end of November.
I got the second address for another one of the cross stitch gifts I made. My mom also got back to me about the addresses for her and my younger brother, so I’m thinking about running home, getting everything squared away, then biking to the post office, which would be roughly another 6 miles to my day.
That means yesterday would have been 10, and today will be 12. I’m seriously thinking about doing it. You know, end the week on a peak. Tomorrow would be kickboxing, and then Sunday would be my slow day with yoga. The gears are already turning because I refuse to give my hamster a break.
I just got an email from Faculty Development about my external training, which is what they are classifying my degree classes as. I ought to be able to take care of that today, correctly this time since I have all of the information I need now.
As far as what I want to get done while I’m at work… I’m hoping to get through some of my certification booklet. Maybe a bit of cross stitching… not sure yet. It’s a pretty chill day, though. Frank is doing his demo thing, which leaves me to do pretty much whatever. Including being a slacker and working on my blog.
So now that I’ve finished this up I guess it’s time to move on to the next task on my to-do list.