Musing Moment 0062: Catching Up


I feel sort of lame. I’m already like five days behind on this challenge. Off to a great start… But I’m going to try to keep pushing forward with it.

Day 3 – Goals

Day three is when you pick 10 goals you want to work on. Sadly I think this is the first time where I can’t really think of any. Maybe it’s because I’m still floundering in a lot of the areas of my life. This is what I came up with though.

Create a new rigging demo reel
in the next six months.

I want to create a new reel. One that isn’t full of my student work. I want to find projects that actually inspire me to use my skills and improve my talents instead of freelance projects that are frustrating and unfulfilling. Maybe actually working on projects I’m invested in will help to spark my interest in my field once again and help combat the burnout I’m experiencing.

Get gauntlet and grieve tattoos
in next six months.

I’m tired of not having my tattoos, which is something I’ve complained about on and off since the beginning of this blog. I will not compromise on these any longer. In the next six months I will obtain this marks because I deserve to have them. I have met all of the goals for them and I am doing a disserve to myself by denying my right to have them.

Rebrand professional website
in the next nine months.

Along the same lines as creating a new reel, updating my branding could help revive my passion for my work. Cleaning up my professional website, possibly even creating my own rather than using Wix could help give me purpose and drive, along with a sense of accomplishment for actually creating something.

Run a Warrior Dash
in the next nine months.

I have always thought of doing this. Training for a Warrior Dash would line up with my health goals, and again, give me something to be motivated for. Completing or even attempting a Warrior Dash will show me that I have actually made progress in this area of my life. When I graduated high school there was no way I could have participated in something like this. Even now, I know I wouldn’t fair every well. But with training and dedication there’s no reason I couldn’t. This is something I want for myself.

Reach a size 14
by next December.

Numbers really do not matter to me. My goal is to be healthy, but I feel this is a realistic number that I can reach in my overarching goal for better health. It will be the smallest I can remember being in my adult life.

Become a black belt in Aikido
by next December.

This will be an ambitious goal, especially with how I am currently not practicing. I feel I could reach this goal, however. I want to attempt it. I want to go back to my dojo. I want the peace I found in practicing. I want to prove to myself that I can still learn new skills and grow. I want to reach the first level of Dan so I can push even further.

Become a black belt in Taekwondo
by next December.

This follows the goal for Aikido. I enjoy this style of martial arts. I like the difference I feel compared to Aikido. I want to reach a black belt in this form to prove to myself that I can.

Pay off the car loan and
Bank of America card by next December.

I don’t know how I can do this one. Especially right now, from where I’m at, which feels trapped and tied down. There are so many ways I could though. I could actually do the Fredinator contract so I get revenue from my YouTube channel. I could create scripts to sell. I could take on the Metaverse form moderator position. I have avenues I could pursue to actually accomplish this ambitious, almost outrageous, goal. I could begin taking on freelance projects for my design degree. I need to find the avenue that would give me fulfillment so the time and effort put towards this goal will seem worth it.

Complete quilt for Jace
by next January.

My nephew is growing up so fast. It makes me realize how much I’m not doing with my life currently. How I’m thrashing and struggling, but against myself, and hurting only myself in the process. His birthday is in January. I don’t have the time to start and finish a full quilt by the time his birthday comes around, but I do want to complete a quilt for him by his next birthday. It was something I told my mom I wanted to do for Jace when he was born and I feel if I actually began work on this project AND completed it that I would feel accomplished. I feel I would have given Jace something meaningful, something of myself.

Day 4 – Push Goal

So out of all the things I listed there’s a main goal, a push goal, which will make the other ones easier to accomplish. By working towards it, I’m also working towards other objectives and so there’s a bit of a domino affect.

I believe my push goal, at least at the moment, would be to train for my Warrior Dash. By training for it I would not only be working towards my goal of running the race, but I could incorporate training for my aikido and taekwondo goals into it as well, and all of those goals push me close to my goal of being healthier.

Which, honestly, I think those goals will make me happier than my other ones. I want to focus on my self. I want to be selfish and indulge in my shadow traits and take time for me, to make me better, stronger. Training would give me alone time. It would give me space. It would be working me towards where I’ve wanted to be for a while now.

I want to shut out my career which is full of expectations from other people. Outside voices and noise. I want to shut out school, social, and life in general. I want to lose myself in myself and when I reemerge I will come out transformed. A better me.

Thinking about these goals, reaching them, makes me feel calmer, motivated. It makes me want to go out and do things. It makes me feel like there’s a reason to get up.

Day 5 – Important Person Promise

I’m supposed to promise important people in my life that I’m going to reach my goals, but you know what? I’m not going to promise anyone this time. This isn’t an obligation. This isn’t for other people so they can have the power to make me feel bad or like I’ve disappointed them.

This is for me, because I want to feel better. This is for me to prove that I can as long as I stop standing in my own way.

Day 6 – The To-Do List

I’ve gotten slack with this. I don’t make my lists in a consistent place or time. I just hope and pray that I am able to get to it before my day goes into chaos.

No longer.

I will write my blog EVERY NIGHT before going to sleep. I will make sure I have time to do it, before I get too tired. I will go back to having a cup of tea every night, and as I drink my tea I will write my blog and before going to sleep I will write my to-do list for the coming day. I will see what time restraints I have, and figure out what I want to get taken care of in the windows of time I have. I will make sure there is always time for my training. I will make sure I provide myself enough time to recharge. I will limit the social obligations I give myself because right now socializing isn’t my priority.

Training and recharging through activities such as cross stitching my nephew’s quilt are both things that will help me improve my emotional health and help me get closer to the goals I am currently focusing on.

Day 7 – The Brain Dump

Currently I’m on day seven, but I don’t feel like I can finish this task before the end of work, and really I would rather be at home when I do this section any way. So I will save it for now and do an additional post for it later.

Aside from figuring out my goals, I feel this is the most important thing to complete. Figuring out my life, the tasks and loose ends that need to be taken care of so I feel like I’m on top of things again rather than drowning in all of my incomplete “obligations”. This is where I clean house and figure out where I am, and give myself a battle plan for getting back in control.

So yeah, I need more than 10 minutes for this. I’m happy with all of the progress I have made so far, though. I’m feeling like I have direction again.


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