I’m slightly bothered at the moment, but I’m not going to let that ruin my day. I’ve had a pretty full day even though I’ve only gotten up to around 25 tasks so far. I already wrote about some of my morning.
There was the hitting of the snooze alarm, there was my shower followed by breakfast and coffee. There was the ride to work and then the normal tasks of setting up my computer and checking email.
I wrote my blog from yesterday. In my quest to find headphones I ran into Luis which lead to about a 30 minute conversation. While I was writing my blog I actually got an email back from one of the places about my certification. The contact has been super friendly and full of amazingly useful information.
Apparently Autodesk discontinued the Certified User test and only offers the Professional test now. No wonder I haven’t been able to find it. At least someone finally gave me a straight answer. My contact mentioned that there would be a testing day on November 12th. The test would be $135 (ouch), paid on site, and that the time frame was any time between 9am and 3pm. I would have to drive to Jacksonville to take the test, but that’s not bad. Only an hour and a half drive.
Since I had only bought the Certified User test booklet I asked if the Professional test booklet was an acceptable resource to purchase. I was told that it would be a good resource, so I’ll most likely buy that tomorrow.
I know I’ve been spending a lot of money lately. I got new workout stuff. I bought the body pillow, highlighters, the bike stuff, Zane and I have gone out a few times. I upgraded my workout apps. Now I’m looking at dropping more money for my certification.
A few weeks ago I would be beating myself up so hard mentally that I would most likely be so depressed I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. But I don’t feel depressed right now. I don’t feel like what I’m doing is wrong. I feel like it’s ok if I spend the money because Saturday Zane is going to deposit his first paycheck and buy groceries for the first time in four months. I don’t have to pinch pennies and freak out over how I’m going to cover everything, because I don’t have to do it by myself any more.
I feel like I’m able to get the things I want, and in the case of the bike, need, without having to sacrifice other things to do it. I like the fact that I can spend my money on me. And I’m not going to be sorry about that.
It helps that I actually feel like I’ve been earning my paycheck recently. Today included. I’ve begun working through the new content and Tony is already super appreciative of the changes I have suggested. Yay positive reenforcement.
He also loved the new podcasts and has already added them into the podcast playlist for the students. On top of that he gave me the green light to create pdfs for the assignments, which is what I spent a majority of my day doing at work.
I had admin hours all day today, so I didn’t have to worry about going to a lab. That meant I had roughly 10 hours of work time.
After getting headphones from Luis and talking to him about the certification information I had just received I went back to the break room. I ate a quick snack of a protein bar, made my official to-do list, then finished designing the lettering for my cross stitch project.
When that was done I typed up the descriptions for the Digital Art and Design classes I have been taking. Of course I forgot my password to the Career Path system and got myself locked out, so I couldn’t actually make any of the entries today, but I did go through the process to change my password to something I’ll remember… hopefully…
I’ll most likely finish up that task tomorrow morning. Or try to at least. I want that off my to-do list before the end of the week.
During my lunch break I created a recipe entry on my AllRecipes.com account for the Cajun pasta I made a few weeks back. I’m really looking forward to having it again. It’s on the menu for this week.
I finished stitching the lettering for my cross stitch project, so that’s completely done. I ended up having to redo some of it three different times. I kept getting the spacing wrong, and even now, I don’t think it’s actually centered and I can’t figure out why. Maybe today just wasn’t my day as far as counting goes.
That took me up to around 2ish. Still four hours to go before Zane came to pick me up. I decided that I would start brainstorming the pdf design for the first assignment in SAL. I figured if I got a template going I could get that approved and use it for the later activities.
Since I didn’t have extra food with me I had planned to go to Crispers for their happy hour, where a bowl of soup is only $3. Of course I started working first, so it became a, “I’ll pack up as soon as I finish this section… and fix that font… and I think this would look better if it were arranged a little different… I really ought to change the color scheme to the school’s colors…”
So at 5:30 when I realized I hadn’t heard from Zane yet and that I was about to starve I actually did pack up and head outside. Normally he is able to text as long as he has access to Wi-Fi, but not while he’s out and about. One of the many downsides to him not having service to his phone. I had been expecting a text from him before he left work to let me know he was on his way, but I figured it was possible he accidentally forgot.
I sat outside for a bit, waiting. It was over cast and wet feeling. Like it should rain, but it never did. As I was waiting all sorts of horrible thoughts were going through my head. He forgot he was supposed to pick me up and is sitting at home, nowhere near his phone so I don’t have a ride home. He got into a car crash and is dead. He wrecked my car so I’m going to kill him myself if he survived… You know… stupid, irrational shit like that.
It was only about 10 minutes before he pulled into the parking lot. I sheepishly admitted to my thoughts after we exchanged greetings. I felt guilty for thinking them, and I wanted him to know that. That I was sorry. I was also sorry for being ridiculously tired and hungry. Grouchy dragons are grouchy.
I knew the kitchen was a mess from this morning, and I knew that there wasn’t anything already cooked at home. No matter what there was going to be a wait time. So we ended up going to Moe’s for dinner instead. It wasn’t the amazingly fantastic experience I was hoping for, but then with how tired I was pretty much anything that involved people and sound was going to be less than perfect. Hunger outweighed the need for solitude though, and so we had dinner there, after which I drove back to the apartment and almost instantly fell asleep in bed.
I slept for about four hours before waking up on my own. Scarlet was curled up beside me. I petted her until she got tired of the attention and got up, going to the closed door and looking back at me, making it abundantly clear that I was slacking in my “cat servant” duties.
I got up and went out to the living room, letting Scarlet believe that I opened the door solely for her pleasure. Zane had taken his laptop out of the room so I could sleep. He was on the couch watching something. Not wanting to interrupt I walked up behind him, rubbed the top of his head for a few seconds, then went into the kitchen to start on the chores.
I unloaded the dishwasher, and had begun to load it. Zane came up behind me, hugging me, and I asked if he was planning on finishing the peanut butter tomorrow, which you would have thought was the worst thing I could have asked because he got super upset.
I admit that I didn’t say much when I first came out of the room. He had said “hi,” while I was touching him, and I said something like “hi, love,” back to him before walking away. I was still waking up. I had tasks on my mind like cleaning, getting more food because I was hungry again, packing his lunch for tomorrow, prepping the eggs for breakfast, [insert 9 billion other things that need to get done], etc…
And the whole peanut butter thing. I’m not sure if I wrote about it or not, but Zane likes to make home-made peanut butter. I guess it’s a bit of a process. You have to roast the nuts, then blend them, and with my mini-blender it takes a while. He had started doing it Saturday, but never got a round to finishing it. He didn’t finish it Sunday, and today we both had work and when we got home I went straight to sleep. So all of the things have been sitting on the counter for days without a chance to really do anything about it.
I wasn’t asking him to finish it tonight. I was asking if he was going to finish it tomorrow. Otherwise I would plan to do it before I went to work. But I guess my question super upset him because he was trying to be intimate with me, and my mind was on chores and I wasn’t registering his advances correctly.
He walked away, leaving me standing there feeling dumbfounded because I hadn’t though my question, or tone, had warranted his angry reaction. Confused and kind of hurt I went back to rinsing the dirty dishes and loading the dishwasher. Being depressed wasn’t going to make the sink empty itself.
A few minutes later Zane came back and asked how much longer I was going to be. I didn’t know how to answer because I was still trying to figure out what I had done in the first place. He looked in the sink and said that he would finish it for me and that he knew I was still tired and that I should go back to sleep.
What the fuck, dude?
Firstly, I’m not tired. I was feeling a lot better until you blew up at me. Secondly, I’m hungry so I feel like I’m being treated like a misbehaving child and being sent to bed without dinner.
So, that whole encounter made me angry. I did go back to the room, more for space than to actually comply with what he wanted. We ended up talking it out, which is how I found out about the feeling rejected thing. Zane also mentioned that he fought with Uke Sunday night while I was out getting the tacos.
He said that he’s still be sort of edgy from a few weeks back where we had a conversation about parents. It brought up a lot of old feelings for him, and I guess it’s still bleeding over into things.
I can’t blame him for that. At the time of the incident I felt like all of it was uncalled for, or a huge over reaction. Understanding that his reaction had nothing to do with my actual question helps immensely.
So the situation wasn’t fun. And he’s already said that he’s going to sleep on the couch tonight, which sucks, but I think maybe it’s for the best. I think right now he’s still pretty raw and that alone time is what he needs. Space to figure it out and let the emotions do their thing.
After some down time in the room I went back out to the kitchen where I cut up the strawberries for Zane’s snack tomorrow, prepped the egg mix for breakfast, and cooked the rice for the remaining curry in the fridge. That way we have dinner for tomorrow with no excuses.
After that I came back to the room and finished working on the pdf for the first lecture activity. I’ll email to Tony once I get to work tomorrow, since the OWA site won’t attach files properly for me. Because it’s lame.
I’m writing my blog, I will make my to-do list. I may even still do my weekly review since I never got around to it. I have a challenge assignment that I ought to do, but I’ll most likely skip out on it and do it tomorrow at some point. Most likely over coffee. I think that would be a good game plan.
I’m getting tired again. It’s already almost 2am and I want to be awake tomorrow morning to make breakfast for Zane and I. Tonight was rough. I know I wasn’t the most sociable person when he picked me up from work, and I apologized for my tired, anti-social behavior, and for triggering the reaction that he had over my question once we were home.
None of that should keep us from having a good morning together, though. I want to be able to hug him goodbye before he goes to work, and he’s already said he would like to have a good morning with me, too. So for now we’ll both go to sleep, and hopefully wake up less tired.