Tuesday was a good day. I didn’t go to the gym again due to a finicky back, but I did bike to school. I was able to work up a nice sweat, warming up my muscles. My back hurt less after the ride even though I had my backpack with me.
I sat outside drinking my bottle of water and snacking on some almonds. I even stretched a bit as I listened to music, enjoying the little bit of warm sunlight that happened to be peaking through the overcast sky. The past handful of days have been dreary autumn days. The kind where it’s indoor weather, curled up watching a movie or napping.
I don’t mind a sprinkling of those kinds of days here and there, but I miss the sunlight, and I’m glad today seems to be bright and sunny.
Eventually I went back inside to clock in and get ready for work. Ari was in the break room. She wants to hangout again. Just us. Alone. At her place. I’m not ok with that because I know it won’t stay platonic that way. It didn’t last year and all we did was drive to dinner together. Even when we were saying goodbye the other night before I biked home there was crossing of lines. It wasn’t just a hug goodbye and that’s why I try to avoid seeing her in person.
There were other people in the break room, so it wasn’t nearly as taxing as if we had been alone, and I wasn’t in the break room all that long. It’ still something I know I need to address, again, though. I wish I knew another way of saying, “I really only want friendship right now,” since those words don’t seem to be working and I don’t want to be a jerk and say, “Back the f’ off,” even though it’s getting to that point.
Lab went well. There was one student who was having an issue with Photoshop due to his graphics card driver. That was new and interesting. I wrote my weekly saga, though I’m not all that happy with it since I didn’t get to play around with the template layout like I wanted. I also wrote a piece for Thanksgiving because the urge struck me and I felt the need to write those words.
I biked home after the first lab since the second one is a half lab and Frank doesn’t need me there. I played Chime until Zane came home. We were out of a few flavors of shisha so we made plans to run to the store for that. That turned into Zane buying dinner for us at Chik fil a. When we came home we watched the next episode of Sherlock.
The end made me angry and upset. It’s the episode where Sherlock fakes his death. At the very end John is standing in front to the headstone saying his final farewell. He turns to walk away, but turns back to the headstone. He walks towards it and places his hand on top and says, “One more thing. One more miracle, Sherlock. For me. Don’t… be… dead. Would you? Just for me? Just stop it. Stop this.”
It took so much for me to not lose it because I know those feelings. I have felt them, and it was really hard feeling them all over again. I ended up sleeping on the floor in the living room because that’s where Scarlet was and I felt the need to be near her.
I’m better than I was last night, but still a little raw. The day is already underway and I have several things I want to do before leaving tonight to drive back home. So I guess I should stop procrastinating and get a move on, starting with the gym so I can get some warmth going.