Daily Post 063: Recaping ’til Today


Fair warning. Not proof read. Please don’t kill me. >.<;


I’m about an hour behind where I wanted to be today, but I’ve gotten a lot more done than I thought I would, so I guess it evens out.


My last post started as a daily post but quickly turned into a Musing Moment type of post. It’s the beginning of my reconstruction phase. I like the way that word feels. It doesn’t make it seem like a negative thing. I’m not lost and searching for my soul. It’s an active word, a strong word. It brings to mind planning and intention. Determination. It’s a fitting word I think.


So yeah, I got a lot of stuff figured out yesterday which left me tired. And since that post spanned two days, I’m not really 100% sure what I’ve covered and what I haven’t. I’m going to briefly recap a bit of Christmas and the following days, and hopefully I don’t double up on all that much stuff.


Christmas Eve found Zane and I eating tacos and watching anime while I franticly worked to finish my commission. I wasn’t able to that night and had to use part of Christmas morning to finish it off. Zane and I had bought a duck for Christmas day, which we baked. Not exactly the Turduckin we had talked about earlier in the year, but duck is awesome, so it was still good. It also gave us something special and different for the day.


I started a new cross stitch pretty much as soon as I finished the commission. I loved working on it, and I feel like it came out well, but I was tired of working with the same colors on such a large piece. I was tired of working on a large piece in general. I wanted to do something small, cute, and colorful so I could hold something in my hands.


The day was pretty low key. We didn’t do much. I messaged the people I wanted to, and I got to talk to my mom for a bit and told her thank you for my Christmas box. I didn’t tell her about crying as I opened it. I’m sure she knows that I did because she knows me.


I wrote my post about my mom later that evening which meant more tears, but it was cathartic.


Saturday was another low day. I didn’t have a lot of energy. Zane was itchy though. He wanted to be out of the house, so we made plans for lunch. We stopped by the post office so I could mail a few cards out, then stopped by the bank so I could deposit the check I had gotten from my younger brother for the storage unit. Not sure if I mentioned it, but he paid me $150, so he’s paid up until the end of February, which should be when we’re getting rid of the storage unit because everyone is moving out of the apartment.


Still not really sure about that game plan. Trevor and Danielle are still planning on moving out, but John has been away for the past week, so we’re not sure if he is still planning on moving in with his girlfriend. I’m not going to let myself stress over it though. February is still a ways away and I have other things on my mind at the moment. To the back burner you go.


Zane and I tried going to chick Fil A for lunch but it was packed. Not surprising really. We ended up going to our sports bar instead. And at the moment I type “our” without the tension I have felt about that in the past. It feels more integrated right now. More appropriate.


We made plans to see Star Wars later in the evening with his brother, Uke, and Trevor. We came back home after eating. I remember he packed a bowl of shisha, but I can’t remember the flavor. Marcus and I had been chatting off and on through text messages about meeting up to give him AJ’s gift. That ended up happening around 5pm.


She super loved the commission, and Marcus gave me $100 instead of $75, I know that is still way under what I should have charged, but it was a great learning experience, and I’m happy with how it turned out. Maybe next time I’ll stick to fair pricing. Zane was a little annoyed with me because I essentially created two designs, created the pattern, stitched the commission, cleaned it, framed it and even provided the frame that was used. All for $100. And even then, that wasn’t the amount I was expecting to get. I was expecting $75.


When looking at it that way, how I literally put in over 40 hours worth of work into it, yeah, I can see why he’s frustrated with me. I always sell myself short. I also normally underestimate how involved something is going to be, which we decided wasn’t a dependability issue, but more of a judgment issue.


That made me feel better since I was having doubts about being a dependable person since I wasn’t able to get the commission done before Christmas.


I ended up having a bit of a … thing? … with Frank. It actually really hurt and I almost let it mess up my night.


Frank has been planning a card night since before the holiday break. Since I didn’t know what was going on with my family I never solidified plans to actually go, but he kept reminding me and saying if I was in town that I was welcome.


I got a message from him while I was out giving the commission to Marcus and AJ. When I replied that I wouldn’t be going he said that he was sorry his plans were so last minute, oh wait, they weren’t (insert : p emote) and to enjoy the movie.


It felt snarky to me. I know I should have let him know sooner that I wasn’t going to be there, but I felt like his message wasn’t nice, or fair. I feel like I hurt his feelings and his comment was his retaliation against it. It still sucked. A lot.


After talking to Zane about it I sent an apology, since that’s really all I can do. But it leaves me in a weird spot, and I haven’t figured out what I want to do about it.


We ended up going to the movies and even though I haven’t seen all of the Star Wars movies, and even though I’m not a huge Star Wars fan, I actually really enjoyed the movie. The VFXs are awesome, and there’s tons of practical FXs as well, which I sort of have a greater appreciation for. I felt the pacing of the movie was done well, and that the character development was decent. There was also a lot of non-verbal communication. A lot was said through body language, and facial expression, rather than overly dramatic dialogue.


After the movie Zane, Uke, and I came back to the apartment and chatted about it for a while. Eventually I couldn’t stay awake any longer and left the conversation. Zane came to bed a bit later, after Uke and left.


Sunday started as an icky day. I woke up sad. I woke up feeling sorry for myself. Zane is having to work through some stuff with Nic and his plans for going out to California to visit in March, so I really think for the most part we were feeding off of each other. We noticed it Saturday while at lunch. I guess that’s a downside to two empaths being around each other.


Anyway, the morning was rough, but ended up getting better. I finished my little cross stitch. I need to wash it still, but I will have a picture up soon. I went through all of my cross stitch books looking for new things to do. I am going to be donating most of them away. I don’t want the patterns any more. I’m not going to actually complete them, so they’re just sitting around doing nothing. I would rather someone else be able to get some use out of them.


I did find a few individual patterns that I want to keep, so I packed those books into my backpack and then headed out to school. I wanted to get some space, and both Zane and I thought that would be a good idea.


I got a chicken sandwich from Wendy’s on my way to work. I was the only one there, which was exactly what I wanted.


I finished writing my Musing Moment before doing anything else. That took a while, but I’m glad for it. It made me feel better, less sad and lost feeling. It made it easier to want to do more things. Productive things.


I went through my work email since I’ve been away for the week. I might be able to count my Vimeo tutorials and Creative Crash scripts as experience. Donna had emailed me asking for verification and links to my profiles. That would be fantastic. I would have four years of experience then, at least experience the school would count, because, you know, teaching the content you’re qualified to teach doesn’t count as experience…


Oh. Total tangent that has nothing to do with anything that I have typed about so far. On Christmas I talked to Allison, my best friend from high school. She finally got engaged. Wooo. I seriously feel like the only person left who hasn’t gotten married or had a kid. But you know what, I’m pretty ok with that.


Anyway, back to where I was. I took screenshots of my account settings, which shows when my accounts became active as well as providing links to everything I felt was relevant. So we’ll see what happens with that.


I scanned the images I wanted to keep from the cross stitch magazine and the booklets. I posted the image of my commission to Word Press and Facebook. I had a cup of coffee while doing all of that, which was nice. The one I had this morning wasn’t all that awesome since I was sad feeling and mildly having a spat with Zane.


Once I was done with everything I wanted to do at school I packed up and headed back home. I sent a text message to Zane to let him know I would be back shortly. He called to see if I had eaten yet. I told him about the sandwich I had had a while ago, but that I wasn’t all that hungry. He said he had gotten pizza and that I could have a slice, just not all of it since he was going to be using it for lunches this week at work.


He also said that I didn’t have to go back out and do the laundry. He said we could do that Monday night once he got back home. That totally made my night since I wasn’t looking forward to having to go back out. I mean, I was going to do it, but that doesn’t mean I really wanted to do it.


Instead, I got to come home and create a few new cross stitch pattern files with my nifty MacStitch software. The patterns I had scanned were old images, before there was really any sort of software to make the markings neat and consistent. So I used the printed copy as a guide to recreate the pattern essentially. I’m not sure how this works with copy right. I’m not sure if they are old enough to be non-copy written any more, or if that’s a thing, or what.


Since it’s for personal use I don’t think I’m breaking any rules. I think it would be an issue if I started trying to sell them off as my own. But even then, I’ve made my own changes to the patterns. Change the color, adding boards… Ehh… I don’t know. I guess until someone comes up and says, “Hey, I’ll make you independently wealthy if you stitch this for me,” it’s sort of academic and just playing the “What if” game.


Independently wealthy is pretty tempting though…


So that was pretty much the rest of my night. I started a new project. Another little cute one. I have an idea to turn it into a full on project, but that’s a super secret squirrel thing at the moment. Until I get it solidified in my head I really don’t want to say much more about it. It’s going to be for my mom though. Muahahahaha. >: 3


I haven’t done much for my Soul Reconstruction yet today, and it’s already 1:30. I’ve been up since 10:30. I had breakfast. I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I wrote down a long jumbled list of things I wanted to do. I didn’t worry about order or organization. Just scribbled things down as they came to me.


I had a message from Zane asking to look up curry recipes for duck since he wanted to do something along those lines. That led to an hour or so of me looking at recipes in general. I’ve gotten a new bookmark folder on my Chrome bar with things I want to try. I went through and found specifically paleo recipes that I thought both Zane and I could appreciate.


I’m not a hard core follower of the paleo diet. Sorry, I like cheese, and I swear if you take my coffee creamer away you won’t survive… But I like the idea of eating non-processed foods more frequently, and to be honest, a lot of the recipes are crazy simple and so flavorful it’s not even funny.


It’s weird. When I gave up soda and started to drink solely water I realized how sweet water actually is. How refreshing and sustaining something so simple is. And now when I drink soda all I can taste are the chemicals, salts, and how it makes me feel gross and icky afterwards, especially if I drink a lot of it.


I guess food is the same. The more I cook my own food, the more I stay away from fast food, the more I realize how much I don’t actually enjoy going out to eat all that much anymore. How bland and flavorless everything is. How everything is fried. I would rather go to something like the sushi café, or my sports bar because I know they serve better quality food. And I suppose I should say when I get wings from my sports bar I get them grilled instead of fried.


I like eating fresh things because they make me feel better, and maybe part of that is all inside my head and more placebo than real science, but I honestly don’t care. If it makes me feel better, even if it’s just a mental trick, then it’s worth it.


So yeah, I have a bunch of things I want to try making. Zane had already picked out the meals for the coming week. Since I’m still on vacation I asked for tuna lunches. Something quick and simple and cheap. We’re going to be doing Shepard’s Pie again since we still have veggies for that. The duck curry which will use the legs and wings, and then duck sandwiches for the breast meat. I also took the extra chili from last week out of the freezer, so there’s about four servings of that as well.


After playing around with recipes I went through and cleaned up my downloads folder on my computer. Something that I have been neglecting for far too long. I went through my DropBox folder as well, cleaning, organizing, and deleting things. After that it was my Google Drive’s turn to be tidied up. I went through my personal email account, deleting messages up until July so my folders can stay clean. Next time I’m on campus I will do the same for my work email.


I need to make backups of my DropBox and Google Drive, but that’s going to happen later.


I have my to-do list restructured with the things I want to get done. I’m going to be biking to the bank to deposit the money Zane gave me for his portion of the car insurance. I need to ship off the box with my phone to Verizon for the trade in credit. From there I want to go to UPS to ship of my final cross stitch gift. By then I’ll most likely be thirsty and hungry so I plan to stop at 711 for a salad and Gatorade before biking back home. That will be about the length of going to the gym and back, minus the gym. And there will be stops to break up the length so I think it will be a good introduction back into my physical discipline.


It’s sunny outside, which it has been for a few days. There’s still been rain here and there, but it hasn’t been full on cloudy days. There’s been more sun than rain, and I think that’s helping today. It’s a little windy but I’m hoping that doesn’t make the bike ride super rough. It’s going to be my first ride since getting the bike back last Sunday. I’m looking forward to it.


But that would be the extent of my running around until Zane gets home. We will most likely do laundry and grocery shopping tonight. I know at least the laundry needs to get done since he doesn’t have anything clean to wear for tomorrow. Grocery would be nice as well so we could do the Shepard’s Pie tonight, though there is the chili we could make do with until tomorrow.


So yeah… full, productive day lined up. I just finished my cup of coffee. I wasn’t allowed to drink it until I drank my bottle of water first. I’ve been slacking about that so I had to make sure I worked in before the bike ride some how.


Anyway, I’m really just rambling now. Procrastinating maybe… I’ll stop doing that and get a move on. I don’t want to run out of daylight.


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