I’m trying to figure out what’s important to me, what I should be doing, and I think I did a pretty good job of it in my last Musing Moment post. I determined that I’m going to be finishing my degree and that for the time being I need to stay in Florida.
I also reaffirmed my dedication to my race. It’s not so much that my resolve was wavering. More that apathy and depression were eating at my motivation. Having figured out the main points of my life helped bring back that motivation.
Ok… so maybe motivation is too strong a word to use for where I was at during my last post, but after meeting with Terri this morning, and the few biking trips I’ve had the past days, I can definitely say that I am motivated again.
So all of that is well and good, but it still doesn’t really leave me with a lot to do. Nothing move me forward in any real direction. Nothing that will help me feel fulfilled in the short term. All of this stuff is the larger picture, and it’s great to have the overview, but what am I going to be trying to do these next three months let alone this year?
I’ve been going through the 30-Day Challenge by Chalene Johnson on fast forward mode. Really the first week is all I’m interested in since that’s where you align yourself with your priorities and then construct goals around them.
I’ve gone through the areas of my life and evaluated them on the 1-10 scale. 1 totally sucking and 10 being amazing beyond belief.
Physical Health – 7
I’m doing really well in this area, but by doing well I see how far I still want to go. And maybe this is an unfair score on my part. Maybe an 8 would have been better.
Emotional Health – 5
I still feel low here, though not for the same reasons as last time. Zane and I are having issues. There’s still the stress with my mom I need to figure out. I really ought to figure out some life goals as well so I can have a sense of purpose.
Environment – 5
To be fair, the apartment is the same as it ever was. I’m just ready for everyone to move out. Now that everything is decided I want for it to happen. I don’t want to wait. I want to rearrange and clean, and not have everyone else’s crap in the way. This honestly isn’t something I can change, and the faster I just accept the fact that the lease doesn’t end until the end of February, the faster this number can go back to being higher.
Financial – 8
Originally I had a 7, but I really think this area is much better than it was and deserves an 8. Zane has a job again, I’m making large payments on the card. Zane is going to start paying me back in the New Year. I’m going to be getting a raise at work once I have my review (at least I better if they want me to stay). So things are looking up. I might even have freelance coming in.
Leisure – 8
Right now this is pretty high. I count my biking to work as leisure because it helps me unwind. I’m cross stitching fairly often. Taking time off from school has given me time to enjoy down time where I’m not constantly working on something. It’s been nice. It’s going to end soon since classes start up in January. But for now, this is an 8. XD
Friends / Family – 7
I think I’m doing alright here. I’m staying in touch with some core people better than I have been. I could always be staying in touch with more people more often, but I think I’m doing alright all things considered. I haven’t completely secluded myself away and ignored people. Just partially. : D
Significant Other – 5
Zane and I are having issues. But we know we’re having issues, and we’re in the process of trying to fix that.
Career – 5
I’m still disenchanted with work. Part of this whole figuring out my goals and priorities is to help bring back the spark I used to feel, even if it ends up being in a different area.
Personal Growth – 5
I had to do a Google search just to make sure I was thinking of this right. Personal Growth is skills and development… I want to be going to the dojo. I want to be participating in the stage fighting. I want to be doing more things, other things. At the same time I’m doing a lot to improve myself… So I don’t know why this rates low in my head, but it does.
Spiritual Growth – 5
After all this time I still want to put more focus here.
From all of this I was able to figure out that currently my intrinsic priority, the one that comes more naturally to me, is physical health. I got that down to a science.
My key priority, where I think I should be focusing my time and effort, is personal growth. Personal growth would factor into my emotional health, it would hopefully impact my relationship with Zane in a positive way, it would help with my career, as well as my spiritual growth. By improving myself, focusing on me, I could, potentially, bring more balance to the other areas of my life.
Great. Two really big steps down! Onward to goals!
All I need to do is come up with 10 goals that I want to achieve this year. 10 really cool, crazy awesome, almost mildly impossible goals…
And this is where I’m stuck. What do I want to do?
Um… nothing. I want to sit here and be an apathetic ball of apathy…
Left Brain: Just so you know… that’s not going to help you feel better.
Right Brain: Screw you and the horse you rode in on!
Seriously I sat in front of my computer for a good thirty minutes and only came up with three things. How hard is it to figure out things that you want to do? Apparently really hard…
I ended up taking a step back. I made a cup of coffee (My second one. Shhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone >.<; ), took out my notebook, and went outside to sit on the porch and brainstorm.
Ok, so goals. Goals are normally based around things that we find important. They’re an achievement of sorts. Alright so what do I find important right now? Health, family, happiness, and finical stability were what I came up with.
Awesome, lets break that down a little bit more.
What falls under health? Activities, food, fulfillment.
What activities? Biking, running, yoga, aikido, taekwondo, the Lance Orlando stuff, races. Stuff like that. Stuff I like doing, or things I want to try doing like parkour classes and archery.
Food? Eating healthy and fresh stuff. Finding new recipes to try, new restaurants to go to. I like the idea of food nights where people come over for games and eating. I used to do that in college and even though I’m an introvert, it fulfilled me to cook for everyone. I also enjoy eating dinner while watching a show with Zane. Actually with most of my companions. It’s something that helps me feel connected with them.
Cool. Good list so far for health.
What about happiness? Happiness I think is tied more closely with memories, so I want to make memories I guess. I want to have fun and do things that I feel are worthwhile. I want to travel and try new things. I want to indulge in active hobbies. I want to do more arts and crafts. I want to learn to sew my own cloths.
Financial stability is sort of self-explanatory. I want to have less debt and more money. Working less would be great while I’m at it. I have the Bank of America card still. After that is my car loan, then student loans, then the money I owe my mom for helping to cover my student loans. Fun times. Finding goals which bring in additional income would be nice.
And last, family. Being near them, visiting them, being involved in their lives. Communicating more frequently would be nice.
I’m still not sure if that gives me a whole lot to work with as far as the whole year goes.
I don’t want to say, “Work on Digital Arts and Design degree” because that’s lame. I’m already going to be working on that, and there’s no real end for it this year. It’s a lame, nebulous goal, that’s going to happen eventually. There’s nothing daunting or really noteworthy about getting a second degree. It’s just another piece of paper.
I don’t want, “Run a Warrior Dash” on my list either because that’s going to happen. It’s not really a challenge. I’m going to go. it’s going to be accomplished. The goals I’m supposed to be coming up with are supposed to be daring. Maybe saying I will run competitively for my June race would be a goal worth listing, but I don’t think I really want my races to be about competing. I want them to be for fun. Inner peace and happiness type of a thing. A goal like “win a race” isn’t in line with my happiness priority.
Left Brain: Damnit! Can’t you be less picky and just come up with a random handful of stuff you want to do…
Right Brain: No. Because that would be easy. Also, fuck you.
My right brain is so snarky today. : /
I have more sort term things, habits I want to create, than goals I want to reach.
I want to go back to reading a book each month. I want to go back to completing a career related project each week, and a personal project each month. I want Zane and I to have goals together for improving our relationship.
Long term I want to pay off my car loan this year. I want to reach Dan 1 rank in aikido. That’s the first level of black belt. I want to reach Dan 1 in taekwondo as well. And that’s pretty much where I’m at. Those three goals would be pretty intense. And maybe I should be happy with just those three for now. I feel like this year is going to be a lot of waiting. Waiting to finish my degree so I can move on to other things. Family related things.
I could work a bit on the stage fighting thing. I have to pass certain tests to be able to do stage play with certain weapons. I have to pass unarmed before I can do staves. I have to do staves before I can do spears or swords. It might be fun to try actually passing to staves, which is basically the jo in aikido, and participating in a performance. I’m not all that set on it though.
I can’t move yet, so I can’t do much in the family area. At least it feels like I can’t. I can make long, long term goals, but there’s nothing I can really do right now. I could save up and go out and visit, but then I doubt I could pay off the car. Not unless I started pulling in a lot more money.
I could make an Etsy store or something, but do I really want to be doing cross stitch or something similar, a hobby, to make money? Would that take away the fun? Would it be worth at least trying?
I could also fill out the Frederator contract that I’ve had since last year so I could pull in money from YouTube. I have no career related goals. I have no goals to help improve my income.
So I guess for now, I’m sort of stuck here. I need to do some introspective digging and until I unearth the buried treasure of what it is I want to do with my life I’m going to continue to feel sort of stuck. : /
So much lame.