Musing Moment 084: One Lovely Blog Award


Thank you so much Tanya for your nomination. It is encouraging to know that my ramblings are thought of so positively. : )


The Rules:

Thank your nominator. Be sure to link to their blog to show some blogging love.

List the rules so your nominees know what to do without having to consult the Google.

List seven facts about yourself.

Nominate 15 other bloggers

Leave a comment on your nominees blogs so they know you have passed the award on to them.


Facts about the Dragon:

Oh man. This part always, with out fail, takes me forever.

I have not seen all of the Star Wars movies. And I’m not ashamed of that fact. And my nerd license can’t be revoked due to that fact because I actually make video games for a living. Take that!

Flying Lizard pose is my favorite yoga pose. Followed closely by King Pigeon. Neither of those people are me, and I feel like that should be listed as a fact, but I also think most people would think that’s cheating.

This is the third time I have had to go online and look up “Interesting questions to answer” in order to figure out facts about myself to write for a blog award.

Fuck Dr. Who. The second season of Attack on Titian was announced. Can. Not. Wait. : D

I sing while I’m riding my bike down the street, but only on days that end in ‘y’.

The only shoes I own are a pair of sandals and three pairs of Vibrams. Trust me, I thought they would be weird at first, too, but they are seriously the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn.

I hate buying “girly” body washes, shampoos, and conditioners because most of the scents give me headaches. They’re too perfumey / flowery for me. I like the scent of mint and eucalyptus best.


I still don’t follow 15 blogs. But. I’ll nominate the people I do follow because you guys are amazing and I love reading your posts. Thanks again Tayna, and know if you hadn’t been the one to nominate me your name would be included in this list. : )

Blogs in no logical order what so ever:

Welcome to My Little Piece of Quiet
Seven Years in a Drawer
Semper Fidelis
Runner with a Blog

The Shameful Sheep
Layers of a Rose
Little Book, Bell and Chalice
Plotless One


Daily Post 085: Dragonvale Stole My Life


I don’t really have much to write about.


Wednesday was a day. A rainy one. There was an event on campus so finding parking sucked. I ended up slipping as I entered the building, falling in front of a bunch of people. I’m sure there will be a video of it on YouTube eventually.


I don’t think anything is hurt aside from my pride. I’ve been sore today, but there’s no sharp pain. Nothing that makes me think something is seriously wrong. Just a dull ache when I sit down.


I never made it to the gym on Wednesday. My intention had been to go after work, but I stayed too long to be able to go and still pick up Zane on time. There are mild feelings of lameness about that, but not as much as there might have been if I hadn’t fallen. Nothing puts a dampener on working out like legitimate physical pain.


I spent most of last night and pretty much all of today wasting my life playing a completely amazing, totally addicting click bate game on my phone.


It’s called Dragonvale, and essentially you run a dragon zoo where you breed dragons to make hybrid dragons and collect money for doing it.


That’s right. My new calling in life is being a dragon pimp at the moment. No regrets.


The premise is a lot like Farmville. You set certain things into motion, and then have to wait for a period of time before you can redo the action or move on to something else. Super simple. Totally non-productive, and yet I can’t seem to stop. I’ve already made Excel sheets figuring out the revenue my dragons pull in at their current levels, which changes as I feed them. I’ve been scouring the Internet for strategies and best practices, because even if it’s a silly phone game I have to beat Zane, and currently he’s roughly 30 levels ahead of me.


Apparently my younger brother also plays this game, which I didn’t know, but luckily Facebook does because Skynet… He’s level 61. F’ my life. I’ll never catch up to him. ;-;


But yeah. It has rained all day. Literally. All. Day.


Terri texted me early this morning saying she was sick and that our training was canceled. Not all that heart broken since I’m still sore from my fall and I would have been biking to and from the gym in the rain. At least it’s not the freezing rain it was during the previous weeks.


I had the thought a few days ago that it actually worked out fairly well for me to not have the bike the past little bit. It’s been the coldest, rainiest weeks so far this winter. I’m sure my luck would have only lasted so long on not getting sick had I been biking in those conditions. Getting rained on before work, sitting in lab for four to eight hours, freezing because the AC is always running to keep the computers cool, and then biking back home in the rain. Maybe it worked out for the best that I haven’t been stressing my body as much as I normally would. Maybe I should realize that it’s still winter, the hardest season for me, and that I’ve been doing extremely well this year.


I don’t know. There’s still the part of my brain that says it’s all just a pile of excuses and I’m being a slacker, and nag, nag, nag, why aren’t you doing better?


Because I’m doing what I want to do for the most part. That’s why. Making dragons have sex as I sit on the couch watching episodes of Boondocks, second cup of coffee steaming next to me was way better than biking in the rain to lift weights, only to get sick and not be able to run my race. Pardon me, Brain, while I sit here and continue to ignore you by clicking on my snapdragon treats that just finished growing.


Tomorrow it’s supposed to be sunny. In the 60-70 range. It’s a day where I have admin hours. I’m sure there is grading that I need to do. I haven’t check my work email since it’s my day off, and will continue to not check it until I’m on the clock tomorrow. And even as I type that I know my curiosity will most likely get the better of me…


Ok. Ok. So I’ll check it… but I won’t start anything until I’m on the clock, damnit. >.<;


I have my final assignment that I actually need to start that is due tomorrow. I have to create an inspirational poster from a quote I like. I have a few ideas floating around in my head. I think I’m going to go with an Art Deco style. Something with straight, clean lines to bring to mind stability and structure. I think that’s where I’m at mentally. I don’t really want anything organic and flowy. I’ve been pretty left brained these past few days, so I think using a style that sort of caters to that will make this assignment easier.


Tomorrow will be a gym day, come hell. If there’s high water I’m most likely fucked.


I want to run again. So badly. I want there to be sun, too. Normal sun. Warm sun. Not the weak, cold, winter sun that keeps taunting me.


John was home today instead of going to work. That was mildly frustrating. He’s sick, which is also lame. So much sickness…. Do not want. He kept to himself though, staying in his room aside from the brief time he left to go to a clinic. I’m pretty sure it’s just a cold though, so I doubt the clinic did much for him aside from exposing him to more germs and tell him, “Go home and sleep. Make sure to drink water.”


What doesn’t kill you leaves you weak enough for the next thing to finish the job…


And that’s pretty much all that I’ve done. On the adult side of life I did shower today, as well as load and run the dishwasher. Go me. We’ll gloss over the fact that I’m still in pjs and that the dishwasher hasn’t been unloaded. Unloaded, yet. Yeah… we’ll tag yet onto the end of that sentence so it makes me sound a bit better.


And with that I’m going to go back to cuddling next to Scarlet. My Cold dragon should hatch shortly, which means I have to redo my calculations for my earnings. My breeding dragons should also be done relatively soon, so I’ll know if I have the Ash dragon I want, or if I’m going to be an evil overlord and kill my dragons by snu snu. My second island should also be done around midnight so I can start clearing out that area and moving stuff around. My galaxy dragon will be done breeding soon, so I’ll have another egg in incubation. I’ll be able to tell what type it is before it hatches so I can make plans around that. There’s also the Valentine’s Day stuff going on…


I can totally stop whenever I want to… just five more minutes.


Really, I go through this phase with most games, so I recognize it for what it is, and am not worried about it too much. I know I’ll be obsessed for a period of time and then I get bored and the game will fade to the wayside. But right now I’m entertained, and I’m able to lose myself in something like I’ve so desperately wanted to do. No thinking about my actions or weighing consequences. No worrying about life, and all of the things that are out of my control…


There’s also the mildly depressing yet strangely twisted / comforting thought that at least my virtual dragons are able to score where I cannot. Lucky bastards.

Daily Post 084: Content


Today is quiet. It has rained for at least the past six hours, and I actually really don’t mind that fact. I took Zane to work this morning, having half a bagel with cream cheese to hold me over until I was able to make a “real” breakfast.


I had seen on the news earlier in the week that it would rain today and tomorrow, so I was prepared for it, and my mood is actually grateful for the slowness of the world around me. The quiet hush that fills the air.


John and Trevor are both gone for work, leaving me alone in the apartment. I went back to sleep after dropping Zane off, and I don’t mind that I’ve slept in essentially. It feels nice. Breakfast was unrushed. My coffee is still warm even though it is sitting on the coffee table at the moment and will most likely continue to be ignored until it grows cold.


I have the car, so I don’t have to bike through the wetness to get to work. I plan to go to the gym afterwards rather than before. Another low day of maybe yoga and the sauna. I’m indulging in the slowness. I’m enjoying it. Savoring it, rather than feeling bad about not being the swarming productive crusade I normally am.


I loaded the dishwasher and ran it already. Eventually, when I get up, I will unload it and the kitchen will be clean. Dinner is already made for tonight, so I do not have to worry about cooking. I have lab today, Shading and Lighting, so I do not expect it to be all that crazy. It would be nice to work a bit on my script, get the rest of the tabs pulling the comments I want, maybe cross-stitch for an hour since I haven’t gotten a chance to do that in a few days.


Tomorrow is my day off, one which I am looking forward to. Another day of most likely not doing a lot. Finally, truly, recovering from last week and the few days I’ve already had of this week.


Yesterday wasn’t bad. Pretty good actually, but I’m sure it’s the reason I’m so tired energy wise today. I did go to the gym. I saw Terri while I was walking to the locker room, so we have training scheduled for 8am tomorrow. The only real obligation that I have. I’m hoping it’s not raining tomorrow morning because biking to the gym in the rain wouldn’t be all that cool.


I didn’t actually workout yesterday, but I did go, which I’m proud of. I went to the sauna and basked for 30 minutes. It’s the warmest I have been all winter. Even my toes were warm. It was so fantastically amazing. I was alone. It was quiet. It was dark because I had flipped the light off. It was my dragon den of warmth and it was exactly what I think I needed.


My whole body was so much more relaxed, limber, afterwards. My knees and ankles have been sore recently, and I think that has more to do with the fact that I haven’t been doing much of anything for the past two weeks. The sauna helped make them feel better. Not sure why or how or if it’s all inside of my head, but I did feel better after my 30 minutes of alone time.


I showered and changed before heading to Zane’s work to pick him up. Traffic sucked and I was a little late but he didn’t mind and we had a nice time talking in the car on the way home.


Trevor cleaned off the kitchen table last night, which was amazing. I’ve never seen the table so clean. Of course the only reason it got cleaned was so another mess could be made… Bobby came over so he, Trevor, Danielle, and I think Hannah could paint their miniatures. So right now the table is currently covered in bottles of paint, scrap cardboard and paintbrushes, but the artist in me is ok with that. It’s not garbage, junk mail, metal scrapes and other nonsense.


Zane and I spent some time together on the couch when we got home. No TV, no distractions. He rubbed my feet a bit while we smoked a hookah packed with Mandarin Zest. So far that is one of my favorite flavors. It’s like an orange Starburst. Eventually I got messages from Sam talking about our dinner plans. We met at Perkins around 8:20. It was so incredibly good to see her and Tim again.


We talked about her contract and the company she is going to be working for. We talked about what Tim has been up to and their recent trip to Seattle. We talked about the changes at the school, my degree and the art I have been posting recently. It was a much better dinner than the last one we had where everyone was in a negative spot in life. Instead of “woe is me” stories we actually had uplifting and inspiring things to share with one another. Good moments and things we were happy about.


I ended up being out for roughly three hours. By the time I got home I was exhausted. Hannah was getting ready to cook eggs and toast when I walked into the apartment. Trevor, Danielle, and Bobby were still painting. John was in his room I think.


I said hi to everyone before going straight to the room. Scarlet was there so I curled up with her and tried to tune everything out. Zane brought me a plate of eggs and toast. With being out so long I was hungry again and was grateful for the food. It was plain and simple but amazing in its own way. Sort of like when you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk. Somethings don’t have to be complicated to be amazing.


I ended up falling asleep with the light on. Around one in the morning I was woken up by laughing, which caused me to get up and get water. Surprising it was pretty quiet for everyone still being over and doing stuff, so I wasn’t upset about being woken. I had my water, said goodnight again and turned the light off before crawling back under the covers. Scarlet stayed cuddled up next to me all night. My little cuddle buddy. Zane came to bed at some point. I remember having to scoot over for him.


Nothing all that exciting. I’m glad that it was all fairly positive stuff. I’m happy that I saw Sam and Tim before they leave. I don’t think it’s real inside my head yet. I’m not sad that they are going. And maybe I’m not going to feel the sadness I usually do because I know they both will be back to visit. They have family here. Much the same way I’m never sad when my former classmate Nick leaves because I know during Christmas I’ll most likely see him again. He’s parents live about 30 minutes from me.


Right now I’m a content tired. Not really happy or cheerful, but peaceful. It’s the type of feeling where you gaze out a window, watching the world outside and you think, “This is life.” Not “the life,” not, “a shitty life”. It’s just “life”. Things happen, things don’t happen, people come and go, and you become aware of the ebb, the flow, and how you’re part of it. How your connected to it and you can feel your place in the world and you know that you actually do belong.


There’s where I’m at right now. I am content.

Daily Post 083: Back to the Gym


I’m at work, halfway through my day, and I’m happy to say that it has been productive and fairly “up” so far.


Yesterday was rough with how tired I was. I did end up napping in the break room for roughly three hours. Off the clock. It wasn’t the best sleep ever, what with using my backpack as a pillow. But it was so much better than nothing, and I think that was the only reason I was able to make it through the day.


When I woke up I clocked in, checked my email, wrote a prompt post, printed, signed, and scanned some stuff I needed to email back to people. I posted an image of a cross-stitch I did a while ago. I have one more to post and then I’m all caught up.


I ended up beginning work on a script to help me automate my commenting process while I’m grading. I actually got pretty far with it since I kept working on it while I was in lab. I ran into a handful of issues that I wanted to kick myself for.


Me: Did I seriously just make that mistake? I’m such a noob… ;-;


But I let those feelings go instead of letting them linger. It was nice to be coding again. And using classes. Huzzah. I haven’t needed to make a class for really any of my coding projects, so it was nice to use some higher level stuff, not that it’s really all that hard to me now, though I can remember when I was interning with Clavan and was completely lost because I didn’t understand half of the things he said to me.


It’s always interesting to look back and remember where we started and to see how far we’ve come. What used to melt my brain is sort of second nature to me now. It’s a good feeling.


So yeah. Coding happened, which was nice, but by the time I got to a good stopping point I was seriously ready to stop. My brain felt like it was leaking out of my ears. Tired. Hungry. Thirsty. Add, “mentally beaten with a metal baseball bat” to the mix and we can label it as a full day.


I had to wait for Zane to come pick me up from work. I knew that wasn’t going to be all that fun. Nik got engaged, so Zane has a lot to work through with that. I played Bejeweled 3 on my computer until he got to me because I didn’t feel like I had the mental ability to do much else.


Zane actually started training on a new system at work, something to do with 401k. So now he’ll be able to take those calls along with the pension calls. I guess his supervisors are really happy with his performance. He’s supposed to start another training course in March, though I don’t remember what it was for.


All of this means he’s getting a bit of overtime this week. Woo.


We weren’t really sure what to do for dinner last night. Neither of us was up for cooking. Luckily we didn’t go out to eat. Instead we went to the store and got soup and the fixings for grilled cheese sandwiches. Talk about comfort food. I think it was what we both needed.


I ended up having a pretty massive headache during the evening, of course because I’ve been slacking on my water intake. And I really have no one to blame but myself for it since I literally had two bottles of water sitting in front of me all day yesterday as I coded.


Left Brain: You can have water once you get through this section.

Right Brain: We made it through the section! Yay!
Left Brain: Yeah, but look at this other section. It shouldn’t take too long. Let’s get through that part, too, before we lose the flow.

4 hours later

Right Brain: We’re going to die. Starve. Wither away to nothingness…

Left Brain: No we won’t. One more method and this can be completely done…


That’s pretty much how it goes when I get caught up in something. I know that I need to eat. I may even register that I’m hungry sometimes. But… Just one more thing. I promise. I’ll drink water in a little bit…


Because of my one-track mind I spent most of last night feeling sick. The soup helped. I took Advil and drank two bottles of water before going to sleep. I slept on the couch with an ice back on the back of my neck. I think that helped. Even if it didn’t help, it felt amazing.


Zane gave me the money he owed me for the blanket we bought last weekend. He also gave me $50 for my Warrior Dash fund. I added Marcus’s money to it as well. The extra money he gave me for his commission. With those two added my fund is only about $100 from my original goal. I’m still aiming for the $500 mark. But $300 would mean I could shower after my race, which is what I’m really striving for. And by striving I mean sulking because I don’t know how to diplomatically remind the 5 people who said they would donate to my fund that they haven’t yet and that my race is in roughly two weeks. >.<;


Arg. I’ll figure that out. I think I’m going to send out another email this week at work since it’s a payday Friday, and also post one, maybe two more times, to Facebook and call it quits.


This morning started pretty well. Zane woke up and got dressed before coming out to the living room to wake me. We had agreed that I would get to have the car today to pick up the bike, which meant that I had to take him to work. We didn’t have time for breakfast, but I wasn’t really hungry yet, so it worked out.


The drive to Zane’s work was a bit annoying since we left later than what he normally does. More traffic… boo… But we made it to his work on time and without running anyone over, so that was a plus in my book.


I made it back home where I began cooking the rice for the curry we’ve been slack about making. I also started cooking the bacon so eventually I could have breakfast. Once those things were going I cleaned off the kitchen table a bit since I wanted to have a spot to set up my computer while I was doing all of the cooking. At the moment there is 1/3 of the table usable. An improvement, even if it is a small one.


I made a cup of coffee and sat down to be super productive, which quickly dissolved to chatting with a handful of people instead. I don’t really regret any of if. I enjoyed the conversations, but I didn’t get my blog done, or my prompt page, which I had been hoping to do.


I did donate the $50 for Zane, and the $25 for Marcus. I also got everything cooked and put away. The dishwasher was in the middle of running, so there is a small pile of dishes in the sink, but I plan to take care of those when I get home.


Oh! Maintenance came by and fixed the dishwasher yesterday! Huzzah!


They also put new weather-stripping around the porch door. It’s pretty hardcore looking, most likely because it’s all nice and shinny still. It should help with keeping the power bill down in the summer.


I ran out and picked up the bike. Got it back to the apartment safe and sound. I took a few seconds to spray WD-40 on some of the doors in the apartment to combat the squeakiness I constantly hear. I showered and was in the middle of packing up for work when there was a knock on the door.


Maintenance was back to take a look at some of our windows since Zane noticed they were really drafty. I couldn’t stay or I would have been late to work, but I’m hoping they are able to fix that issue as well. I think that would make Zane happy.


My mom called while I was heading in to work, but I wasn’t able to answer. I plan to call her later tonight to chat for a bit. She said it wasn’t anything important, just her missing me. I’ve gotten caught up on all of the blogs I follow and my work email. Next month’s schedule shouldn’t be too bad. 1pm to 9pm Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. 5pm to 9pm Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.


I think Tuesdays are going to be my days off. Not sure yet.


I had an email saying my domain was about to expire, so I went ahead and renewed that for another two years. $25 for that. I also took a few minutes to update all of my information with GoDaddy since I’ve moved three times and had to replace my debit card since the last time I renewed.


One of the animation interns came by earlier during lab to talk about facial rigging and corrective shapes. He’s doing really well with the rig and the issues that he had were pretty minor over all. I’m looking forward to seeing what he does with the information I gave him.


I have an email I want to reply to, and I would like to set up my calendar for next month, but that’s about all I have left for work today. Lab has been pretty quiet and uneventful.


Aside from calling my mom back I want to go to the gym after work, before picking Zane up. I’m not sure what I plan to do. I’m having a little bit of anxiety over it since I haven’t been in so long. Years. Eons… ok… not really, but it feels like it. It feels like I’m a failure and I shouldn’t show my face there, even though I know that’s not how any of it is.


I was thinking about going for the sauna, and allowing myself some time to relax, decompress. This is the first day that I’ve really had any alone time. My weekend was nothing but social, along with fighting, and all last week was one trial after another. The more I think about it though, the more I want to “do” something. Running maybe. Or rowing. Rowing would be a pretty solitary thing. Or yoga and then the sauna… I have options and I’m going to keep it open rather than giving myself crap for not having a plan.


The big thing is that I go. That’s going to be the hardest step for me. Going through the doors. Once I’m there I’ll be fine. Once I get back to my routine tomorrow with biking, I’ll be even better. Right now I just need to get there, prove to myself that no one is going to shame me for being a slacker, and move on with my life rather than stewing about something that’s not going to happen.


After the gym I have to pick up Zane. Since Sam got the job in Canada she wants to get dinner tonight. One last outing before she leaves. She mentioned that she wants to get rid of some stuff, so I might be buying a few things from her, but that’s still up in the air. We have tentative plans for dinner at 8, which will give Zane and I a few hours together.


I think Hannah is supposed to come over tonight to hang out with Zane while I’m gone. I think that would be for the best. I know he doesn’t want to be alone right now.


There’s a lot of soul searching I need to do in that area, the “Zane and me” area, but I’m not really interested in doing it right now. I’ve been having a good day. A calm day. Restful, and mildly restorative. I don’t want to do anything emotionally hard right now, so I’ll table that for another day.


And with that decided I guess I’m off to go finish up my work stuff.

Dragon’s Horde 0052: December 2015



Title: December 2015 Holiday Treat
Stitched by: Jennifer Conley
Designed by: Jennifer Aikman-Smith
Completed: December 31, 2015

I honestly do not remember the exact day I completed this cross-stitch. I suppose I could go back through my posts, pinning down the day, but I’m fine with the date I picked. I started this Christmas day, right after completing the commissioned piece for Marcus, and I finished it before the New Year.

It was nice to go back to working with bright colors, and working on something small. An instant gratification project really since it took pretty much no time, especially in comparison to the 8 or more hours a day I as putting into The Hobbit.

Prompt Page 009: He Said She Said…


Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
Do I ever eavesdrop?

Do I ever eavesdrop on strangers?

Screen Shot 2016-01-25 at 10.16.50 AM

No. Do I hear other people’s conversations? All the time. Which is more annoying that you can believe as an introvert. I want my peace and quiet and you happen to be audioly intruding into my space. I wonder if that can count as ear rape, or maybe brain rape since by the act of purely hearing something my mind beings to process information.


I do hear conversations that are not my own. I don’t secretly do it, though, so no. I don’t think of it as eavesdropping. I don’t walk up to a closed door and put my ear against the paneling, hoping to make out the muffled sounds. Most of the time I’m in my room clearly able to hear not only the conversation, but also the TV dialogue without even putting effort into it.


Strangers walk by talking full volume into their cell phones about whatever appointment they just got out of, or how they can’t believe he said she said…


I am constantly bombarded by sound. More often than not I have to put effort into not hearing rather than into being a ninja and tuning into something secretly. If I can hear your “private” conversation through my headphones, which actually are playing music at the time, then it’s your own fault everyone knows about your private life.


There is a lack of discretion in the world now, and I feel that is actually making eavesdropping a dying art form.


What is an interesting conversation or tidbit I have overheard?

There are so many. Over the weekend I heard that the wife of one of the bike mechanics is recently pregnant. She is signed up for a bike race, and apparently has been cleared by her doctor to participate without any danger to the baby. Warm fuzzy feelings for the soon to be parents.


Have I ever eavesdropped on people I know, like family members? Do I think they would have been upset if they knew? Were there any consequences to my eavesdropping?

Stating again that I don’t eavesdrop, but yes, I have heard conversations that weren’t meant for me. I’m not sure if they would be upset. Most likely. I’m sure it would have been seen as an invasion of privacy. To which I would point out that having normal level conversation in the living room while other people are home isn’t very private.


I don’t remember there ever being consequences for the conversations I have heard. But you never know. I love you Karma, please don’t hate me.


How do I feel about eavesdropping on strangers versus eavesdropping on people I know?

All eavesdropping is wrong. It doesn’t matter if it is a stranger or a close friend. If someone is whispering something to someone else, that information isn’t meant for you. If a friend of mine gets up and walks away to answer a phone call outside, that information isn’t meant for me. I’m not going to follow them to the door. I’m not going to lower the TV so I can hear better.


At the same time, I’m not going to feel bad if I am able to hear what they are saying under normal circumstances. If you go out side, shut the door, and I can still hear word for word your side of the conversation over the TV then you must not be all that worried about being quiet, or not having other people hear.


I’m not going to feel bad for being sensitive to sound and observant and picking up on what’s going on around me.



Daily Post 082: WTB – Weekend


I’m still drained from last week. Doesn’t help that this weekend wasn’t all that relaxing and restoring. There was the mishap with the bike on Saturday. Zane and I had a pretty big fight yesterday afternoon. We got through it, but not long after coming to terms with each other people showed up for game night.


Luckily the Pathfinder game was canceled and they decided to play Black Ops instead, but that still meant there were way too many people over being way too loud. I ended up going to school to cross-stitch in silence. There was literally no one in the break room which was amazing.


I wish I had taken a sheet or blanket with me. That was the only thing missing really. Something warm to wrap up in.


I stayed at school until a little past 10. By then I was so tired I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to drive home if I waited any longer. When I got home everyone was still there, but they were playing Pandemic, which is a table top game, and significantly quieter than the drunken PS4 matches I was expecting.


I went back to the room after a small exchange of pleasantries, changed into pjs, and crawled into bed with Scarlet. Zane wasn’t far behind. I remember that I had dreams and that I woke up a handful of times which may also be factoring into being so tired right now.


Zane and I got up fairly early this morning so we could go to the bagel shop for breakfast. I got a chia tea. It is alright, but nothing can replace my cup of coffee and so right now my morning still feels sort of incomplete. After eating and picking up bagels for the rest of the week we headed back home so I could shower.


The bike was ready for pick up on Sunday, but with the fight and everything else we weren’t able to get to the shop before they closed. So Zane took me to work this morning. Can’t say that I mind since it’s roughly 40 degrees outside.


I haven’t been eating well these past two weeks. And I haven’t been working out like I want to be, or as I feel I should with a race coming up. Not having the bike for a week really messes with that. I could be doing stuff on my own, at home. I have the apps for it, but with everyone constantly being there, and not having space without moving stuff that isn’t mine… it makes it awkward, and the more awkward it is the more resistance there is for doing it inside of my head.


I know I could be doing things, but I can’t do them the way I want to, so I don’t do them. It’s a lame reason. More of an excuse really. But at least I know it is rather than pretending.


My goal today is to survive. Stay awake really. I’m tired. I want to sleep another 12 hours, and I’m not joking or exaggerating about the amount of time either. I don’t have much going on today. I have to print and sign some stuff for school. After work I would like to get the bike, maybe cat food though we should be good on that until the end of the week to be honest.


I know there’s other stuff I could be working on. The CRI logo design Clavan wants me to do, homework, a script I want to write to automate some of my grading process… all sorts of stuff, but right now it’s taking so much effort to sit up straight that the thought of using higher brain power hurts much less actually doing it.


Blarg… maybe I should make a cup of coffee while I have time to do it. Maybe that will help get me going. The tea isn’t getting the job done. I could also take a nap… since I’m here so early I have the time to do it before I get on the clock officially. It’s so early no one else is here yet, too.


So tempting…

Daily Post 081: Bike Adventures Continue


Yesterday was interesting. There was a first for me.


One of my students had a panic attack. She is fine, and I stayed with her until she was able to leave lab, surrounded by several of her friends who stayed behind for her.


Energy wise it was one of the most draining things I have experienced in a while. I sat and held her hand through the hold thing, rubbing my fingers over hers, squeezing every so often, telling her she was safe, that it was ok. Nothing but calm. I got this.


My shoulders hurt so much afterwards, and I don’t really know why. It was like claws had dug into me, into my muscles, and I was trying to flex and move around those claws. It hurt.


Zane picked me up from school once he was off work. He had messaged me earlier in the day saying he wanted to go to the sports bar or sushi cafe for dinner. He wanted to take me out.


We went to sushi. I hadn’t eaten since the morning and with the panic attack I was totally ok with eating out, not having to worry about cleaning / cooking, and going to sleep. The atmosphere was perfect, quiet. Zane and I had light conversation. The food was fantastic and filling. And even though the longer we were out the more tired I got, I really did enjoy the evening.


We stopped at Publix on the way home so Zane could get ice cream. I was driving and looking forward to parking the car and not being in charge of a two-ton vehicle, and yes I am pulling that number randomly out of my head because I don’t care enough to actually look up how much my car weighs…


And of course since I typed that the next thing I did was go to Google. Apparently a Mazda 2 weighs anywhere from 2,306 to 2,359 pounds. Yeah. I didn’t want to be in charge of all of that. So when Zane first mentioned going to the store my body tensed further. There would be people, and things, and stuff, and can’t we just go home? Please? No more torture? I promise I’ll be good. ;-;


When I didn’t answer right away he said to never mind. That it wasn’t a big deal and he could do it later.


Me: We always do what I want to do. I feel bad. We’re going to the store.


As I changed lanes he said no, to go to the apartment.


Me: Nope. Can’t do that now. I’ve already changed lanes. I can’t be “that guy” who changes lanes back and looks like they don’t know what they’re doing.

Zane: Yeah you can. Get in the other lane.

Me: /proceeds to get into the far left lane to turn into the grocery store

Me: I changed lanes. : D


Needless to say we went to the store. I got to stay in the car for that adventure though, almost falling asleep in the quiet dark because I was that tired.


When we got home everyone was in the kitchen. Trevor and Danielle were cooking. John was pouring a drink of some sort of alcohol. Nope. Too much. Not even going to being processing. I walked straight to the room where I changed into pjs and curled up in bed, Scarlet nestled next to my head.


Zane used my laptop to watch stuff on Crunchyroll since John was using the TV and I slept I think. I remember him coming into bed. There was some discord between Zane and me, which ended with me going to wash the cloths at 10pm.


I think it was the better option. I was awake and instead of feeling sorry for myself or staying in bed where I wouldn’t be able to sleep I got up and took care of a chore that needed to get done. It was pretty relaxing actually. I got to listen to music on my phone because I remembered to take headphones. I got everything washed and folded which made me feel productive. I got to cross-stitch and made pretty decent progress on it. I got some space and alone time, which I think I still needed from the intensity of work.


I got back to the apartment around midnight and slept on the couch, my brain still wrung out and tired.


I woke up this morning around 9:30. I hadn’t looked at the kitchen so I was pretty aggravated to see a pile of dishes, but whatever. I can take care of them.


I loaded the dishwasher and went to run it so I could unload it later in the day but the latch wouldn’t lock for some reason.


This is where I entered what I am now going to refer to as “cement block mode”. I was totally un-phased by the dishwasher not working. I can’t do anything to fix it. We’ll put in a work order and see what happens. Done.


Right Brain: Wait… Um… where is the freak out / break down? We skipped a step…

Left Brain: No. We didn’t. Sit down. Be quiet. And keep your hands to yourself.

Right Brain: /sits down sort of dumbfounded without causing a fuss

Left Brain: Good. /goes about tasking


I made coffee and breakfast since I was hungry. About that time Zane came out of the room. He asked if I had fed the cats, which I was actually just getting ready to do. The morning continued pretty well. We talked about grocery shopping and how we still have the curry to make, and the ziti to eat, so we’re actually pretty good on food, and that it might be better to hold off until around Wednesday to get meal stuff.


We still need things like more cat litter, cat food, Clorox wipes, bacon, and coffee creamer. We actually talked about making homemade creamer. I don’t think we’ll do that this week, but maybe next week I’ll give it a shot.


It was a good morning.


He had hugged me while I as filling up my coffee cup with water, wrapping his arms around me from behind and resting his head against mine.


Zane: Can I ask a huge favor?

Me: *small quiet voice as I begin to worry* Yes.

Zane: Can we please sleep next to each other? I don’t like waking up alone.


Ensue emotional conversation where I explain that I want to but that it’s hard to sleep next to him when my skin feels like it’s on fire. I couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down as I said I was sorry. This isn’t want I want. I don’t want him to feel bad and alone, but I don’t want to feel bad and unwanted.


He wiped away those stupid, annoying tears and hugged me to him since I had turned around for us to face each other while we talked. He said we would figure it out and that he loved me.


That made me smile, and we did have a fantastic morning. We ate together, figured out the grocery or lack there of, we discussed the plans for the day and what needed to happen when. It was a good morning even with the little bit of ickiness.


After eating Zane went to the apartment office to put in the work order for the dishwasher. I’ve also been seeing roaches, or maybe it is the same roach, but regardless of how many, there are invaders in the kitchen. Not cool. Pest control is schedule to come on Thursday, so that should be taken care of. The dishwasher is going to get looked at on Monday.


Zane also picked up roommate release forms while he was there for Trevor and John. Without those being signed they’re technically still on the lease when it renews, which will makes things crazy complicated. So lots of adulting and taking care of business on Zane’s end.


While he was gone I put the clothes away, cleaned up the computer desk, emptied the bedroom trashcan, straightened up the living room a bit, then showered. By the time I was done Zane was back.


I got dressed and called the bike shop. They had said the bike would be fixed by Thursday, but I never got a phone call or email about it, and with how tired I was yesterday evening after work I really didn’t care if the bike was done or not. I wasn’t going to go get it regardless.


So I called to see what was going on. The bike was done apparently and I could come pick it up. I decided to take Frank’s bike with me and donate it instead of holding onto it for the next forever, waiting to trade it in for credit towards a new bike. Maybe not the smartest move financially, but the bike is going to be in the way while everyone is trying to move their stuff, and I would rather donate it and have it be used then tripping over it for no reason.


It had rained all day yesterday morning which meant today it’s super cold and windy. Like, 22 miles per hour cold, winter wind. I got the bike rack on the car with Zane’s help and situated Frank’s bike on it and drove to the bike shop, holding my breath the the whole time and thinking the wind was going to blow the bike off the rack and cause the car behind me to crash and cause an 18 car pileup or something. Not a fun car ride…


I made it to the shop without incident though, so that was nice. Thank you, Universe.


I took Frank’s bike in. They rolled it to the bike and returned with mine. Yay.


I took it out of the shop, got on, and tried biking. Forward felt better. With all the wind I thought it was alright. When I tried to backpedal though the chain went slack… Not yay. I revoke my yay. Nay to yay. Buying a $60 tire was supposed to fix this.


Part of me thought about just taking the bike and chalking it up to weirdness that was actually fine. But instead I took a deep breath and went back into the store, after battling the wind to get back there on the bike because of course I was biking against the wind on the way back, and said that I thought there was still an issue.


Yep. Still an issue I guess. They took the bike back. I guess there was a bunch of stuff going on with the work order in the system, too, because I had to wait for roughly 10 minutes for them to figure out what was going on with it before they could make a new order for me.


I mentioned how I hadn’t been called and how I thought it was odd when they told me the bike was ready for pick up. The gentleman, one that I see often, but not the one I normally interact with, reassured me that they would make this right by me. He was sorry that I hadn’t been called, even more sorry that the bike wasn’t fixed when I did come to pick it up, and that they had me purchase a part that didn’t fix the issue.


The mechanic isn’t in today, so the bike won’t be looked at until tomorrow, but with how windy it is outside I wouldn’t be riding the bike even if I had it, so it’s not a big deal. I’m glad that I said something, and I’m super glad that they want to correct the issue rather than doing something lame like saying, “Sucks to be you.”


So I don’t really know when I’m getting the bike back, but hopefully before too long, and hopefully it doesn’t cost me more money.


I called Zane to let him know what was going on and that I would be home soon. We started having another emotional conversation. I was glad to be having it over the phone. The distance made it easier to think and talk, much the way writing helps me figure out what I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t have to worry about the other person. I’m able to focus on the words and not have to process everything else. It makes it more detached I guess? It’s just information. Maybe part of me feels like it’s safer?


I’m not sure why this conversation was easier to have over the phone since I usually hate the phone, but it was, in fact, easier for me to talk to Zane on the ride home, and to continue the conversation once I was inside the apartment.


It ended with me wrapping my arms around his shoulders since he was sitting in one of the kitchen table chair and resting my chin on top of his head and saying, “I’m glad you are in my life.”


I didn’t have much time before having to go to work. I told Zane to enjoy his afternoon with Hannah as I switched out of my sandals into work shoes and headed out since I had to be on campus a bit early. Today was my review after all, if Clavan remembered about it that is…


He did remember. He actually called me to let me know he was running a little late, but that he would be in shortly. No worries. I can keep myself entertained.


The review went well. I still need to get better about clocking in and out. No surprise there. He was happy with my performance and he liked the goals I had picked out for myself. We have to wait and see about the Woman’s Initiative thing. I don’t think my application will get denied, but you never know.


One of the things he mentioned was that I had to have work related goals, and that all of my goals fell under the personal side of things, aside from the Initiative, which is still iffy at the moment. So we brained stormed a bit.


I’m going to be making bumpers for the podcasts he will be creating for the new class structure and doing the video editing for all of them as well. So when Clavan uses a hotkey or some sort of short cut, or talks about the path to get to a specific window, or mentions a term the students really aught to remember or write down little blurbs will pop up in the video with that information. It’s basically like making my own podcasts but not having to do the annoying part of going through the demonstration. You know, keeping the bad and going straight to the good. Yeah, it’s basically being told to do that. Yes, please?


I will be streamlining the online activities and information on the webpages so it is consistent over the whole course, which is basically what I’m doing for the Shading and Lighting class, only this would be for my class so it will actually count towards something. Another score in my book.


I mentioned how that is one thing I really liked about the Digital Graphic degree, that everything from one class to another was pretty consistent and that I would like to eventually create a template structure which all of the classes used. So we’re going to get everything straight with our class first, then propose it for across the degree.


I would love, love, doing that. I would totally head that up and do everything needed. Give me a week of admin hours and it will be done. At least once the template is set, because then all it is is filling in the blanks. Copy and paste really as long as I’m given the information I need.


So I’m actually sort of stoked for this. I think I can have fun with it because it’s design related. It’s what I want to be doing.


Right now I’m in lab, and things are going well. Zane is doing his thing with Hannah as far as I know.


It’s cold, cloudy, and icky outside, at least it was. The dishwasher is broken. The bike is a hot mess. Zane and I still have issues. I’m still in the same position at work. But you know what?


I don’t feel bad. I feel like everything will work out. I feel like the concrete block that I mentioned. I’m stable. Solid. The wind can keep blowing and while it might suck to meet it head on, I’m not going to be pushed back or crumble. I’m going to be stubborn and stand my ground.


I am the immovable object, dammit. One with cold toes, but one none the less.


Prompt Page 008: Waste Not Want Not


Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
Do I ever feel guilty about what,
or how much, I throw away?


What kinds of things do I throw away in a typical week?

Mostly paper from my notebook or junk mail. Plastic baggies from the almond bars I take to work or the sandwich bags Zane uses. Sometimes those get reused if they’re not super icky. Water bottles… carrot skins and other “unwanted” food product in the process of cooking. Pepper seeds, onion tops, fish bones, shrimp shells.


This week there were some cans since I used diced tomatoes in the baked ziti. Coconut milk can will be added to the list once I make the curry.


Cat fur when I vacuum. Really I feel that should be changed to “cat” since that’s what it feels like I throw out. I swear our cats have learned the secret to cloning through how much they shed.


While we’re on that topic… cat poo since the liter pan has to be cleaned. Q-tips and toilet paper rolls… Life doesn’t seem all that glamorous through this lens… but you get the idea I’m sure.


Do I ever feel guilty about what I throw away, or how much I throw away?

On the weeks were Zane and I are really bad about eating out I feel awful. Not only am I being slack with following the budget and not being mindful of my health goals / race, but it usually means something doesn’t get eaten at home and is usually thrown away because it goes bad.


I hate food waste.


Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.


This video with John Oliver talks about food waste. It’s pretty eye opening.


Food waste so blatantly, well,  wasteful. I might as well set money on fire. It leads to a lot of not good feelings for me. There are others so much less fortunate and here I am making lame decisions and being so inconsiderate and thoughtless. So selfish.


There have been times were Trevor and Danielle have left rice in a pot on the stove over night so it gets icky and has to be thrown away. Could you not take the time to at least put your leftovers in the fridge?


Food waste is like sand paper against my skin. It really, really bothers me and I make an effort not to do it. I have food. I should be eating that food. I bought that food for a reason.


How much effort do I put into recycling or reusing things, instead of putting them in the garbage?

Trevor actually does recycle stuff, so at least we have that going for us. All of the cans and glass bottles, cardboard and such, those get taken to his mom’s or some place on the way to her. I’m honestly not sure what all happens or how it’s taken care of, but we put recyclable stuff into big trash bags, and every so often Trevor takes them away to Recycle Land. At least that’s what I’m told.


When I was driving to the YMCA instead of biking I would take all of my water bottles and stop at a Whole Foods on the way to recycle them. Now I let Trevor do the dirty work I guess. Or is this considered clean work?


I guess I could take the paper I’ve been throwing away and bring it to school with me instead. Since we’re an art school we go through paper like crazy. We’re conscious of that and have special bins for paper materials to be recycled. That’s something to think about on my part. We’re always able to do things better as long as we’re open to new ideas of ways of doing things.


Zane and I want to start a little outdoor garden when the lease renews. I might look at doing a small compost thing for the extra veg bits. My grandparents used to have a compost heap in their back yard. That would require a bit more research, but it’s a thought. It’s something I would like to do because I don’t like throwing things like that away, but when you live in an apartment and not on a handful of acres of land options can get kind of limited.


What do I think should happen with all of the hazardous electronic equipment that has been generated over the past few years?

Things… and stuff…?


I’m not really sure. They could be taken apart for the components. I’m sure there’s tons of metal that could be reused. I don’t know enough about the process to really comment on it intelligently, though, and at this specific moment I don’t have the time to do the research needed, what with having to go into work shortly.


I do think that more should be done in an effort to recycle. And I say that in a general sense. No offense is meant to the people already doing stuff who may be reading this and thinking, “I already do x, y, and z. What more do you want from me? Rawr /rage quite”


As a whole Americans suck at recycling, not being wasteful, and caring about the planet. Myself mostly included. It would be nice if, as a society, we took the steps to actually make a change rather than complaining about things and doing nothing.



Dragon’s Horde 0051: Winter



Title: Winter
Stitched by: Jennifer Conley
Designed by:
Completed: January 19th, 2016


This is my most recent completed cross stitch. I’ve enjoyed working on it. I think it has helped me be reflective and calm through these past few weeks. I feel like it’s helped me with the “downness” I usually experience with winter and being constantly cold.

I’m happy with the way it came out and with my color choice and I’m looking forward to framing it. Onward to Spring and new green things.