Daily Post 084: Content

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Today is quiet. It has rained for at least the past six hours, and I actually really don’t mind that fact. I took Zane to work this morning, having half a bagel with cream cheese to hold me over until I was able to make a “real” breakfast.

 

I had seen on the news earlier in the week that it would rain today and tomorrow, so I was prepared for it, and my mood is actually grateful for the slowness of the world around me. The quiet hush that fills the air.

 

John and Trevor are both gone for work, leaving me alone in the apartment. I went back to sleep after dropping Zane off, and I don’t mind that I’ve slept in essentially. It feels nice. Breakfast was unrushed. My coffee is still warm even though it is sitting on the coffee table at the moment and will most likely continue to be ignored until it grows cold.

 

I have the car, so I don’t have to bike through the wetness to get to work. I plan to go to the gym afterwards rather than before. Another low day of maybe yoga and the sauna. I’m indulging in the slowness. I’m enjoying it. Savoring it, rather than feeling bad about not being the swarming productive crusade I normally am.

 

I loaded the dishwasher and ran it already. Eventually, when I get up, I will unload it and the kitchen will be clean. Dinner is already made for tonight, so I do not have to worry about cooking. I have lab today, Shading and Lighting, so I do not expect it to be all that crazy. It would be nice to work a bit on my script, get the rest of the tabs pulling the comments I want, maybe cross-stitch for an hour since I haven’t gotten a chance to do that in a few days.

 

Tomorrow is my day off, one which I am looking forward to. Another day of most likely not doing a lot. Finally, truly, recovering from last week and the few days I’ve already had of this week.

 

Yesterday wasn’t bad. Pretty good actually, but I’m sure it’s the reason I’m so tired energy wise today. I did go to the gym. I saw Terri while I was walking to the locker room, so we have training scheduled for 8am tomorrow. The only real obligation that I have. I’m hoping it’s not raining tomorrow morning because biking to the gym in the rain wouldn’t be all that cool.

 

I didn’t actually workout yesterday, but I did go, which I’m proud of. I went to the sauna and basked for 30 minutes. It’s the warmest I have been all winter. Even my toes were warm. It was so fantastically amazing. I was alone. It was quiet. It was dark because I had flipped the light off. It was my dragon den of warmth and it was exactly what I think I needed.

 

My whole body was so much more relaxed, limber, afterwards. My knees and ankles have been sore recently, and I think that has more to do with the fact that I haven’t been doing much of anything for the past two weeks. The sauna helped make them feel better. Not sure why or how or if it’s all inside of my head, but I did feel better after my 30 minutes of alone time.

 

I showered and changed before heading to Zane’s work to pick him up. Traffic sucked and I was a little late but he didn’t mind and we had a nice time talking in the car on the way home.

 

Trevor cleaned off the kitchen table last night, which was amazing. I’ve never seen the table so clean. Of course the only reason it got cleaned was so another mess could be made… Bobby came over so he, Trevor, Danielle, and I think Hannah could paint their miniatures. So right now the table is currently covered in bottles of paint, scrap cardboard and paintbrushes, but the artist in me is ok with that. It’s not garbage, junk mail, metal scrapes and other nonsense.

 

Zane and I spent some time together on the couch when we got home. No TV, no distractions. He rubbed my feet a bit while we smoked a hookah packed with Mandarin Zest. So far that is one of my favorite flavors. It’s like an orange Starburst. Eventually I got messages from Sam talking about our dinner plans. We met at Perkins around 8:20. It was so incredibly good to see her and Tim again.

 

We talked about her contract and the company she is going to be working for. We talked about what Tim has been up to and their recent trip to Seattle. We talked about the changes at the school, my degree and the art I have been posting recently. It was a much better dinner than the last one we had where everyone was in a negative spot in life. Instead of “woe is me” stories we actually had uplifting and inspiring things to share with one another. Good moments and things we were happy about.

 

I ended up being out for roughly three hours. By the time I got home I was exhausted. Hannah was getting ready to cook eggs and toast when I walked into the apartment. Trevor, Danielle, and Bobby were still painting. John was in his room I think.

 

I said hi to everyone before going straight to the room. Scarlet was there so I curled up with her and tried to tune everything out. Zane brought me a plate of eggs and toast. With being out so long I was hungry again and was grateful for the food. It was plain and simple but amazing in its own way. Sort of like when you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk. Somethings don’t have to be complicated to be amazing.

 

I ended up falling asleep with the light on. Around one in the morning I was woken up by laughing, which caused me to get up and get water. Surprising it was pretty quiet for everyone still being over and doing stuff, so I wasn’t upset about being woken. I had my water, said goodnight again and turned the light off before crawling back under the covers. Scarlet stayed cuddled up next to me all night. My little cuddle buddy. Zane came to bed at some point. I remember having to scoot over for him.

 

Nothing all that exciting. I’m glad that it was all fairly positive stuff. I’m happy that I saw Sam and Tim before they leave. I don’t think it’s real inside my head yet. I’m not sad that they are going. And maybe I’m not going to feel the sadness I usually do because I know they both will be back to visit. They have family here. Much the same way I’m never sad when my former classmate Nick leaves because I know during Christmas I’ll most likely see him again. He’s parents live about 30 minutes from me.

 

Right now I’m a content tired. Not really happy or cheerful, but peaceful. It’s the type of feeling where you gaze out a window, watching the world outside and you think, “This is life.” Not “the life,” not, “a shitty life”. It’s just “life”. Things happen, things don’t happen, people come and go, and you become aware of the ebb, the flow, and how you’re part of it. How your connected to it and you can feel your place in the world and you know that you actually do belong.

 

There’s where I’m at right now. I am content.

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