Daily Post 089: Wanting to Buy Some Fairness

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I don’t want to complain. I want tonight to be a good night, and really it’s not all that bad. I’m currently doing laundry. It started not long ago, so I’m looking at getting home at midnight, most likely later.

 

And that’s mostly why I’m frustrated and angry. Everyone else is at home, sleeping, enjoying their night, doing what they wanted to be doing. And here I am, not enjoying my night, wishing I were home relaxing after another rough day.

 

It’s hard to see things as being equal and fair right now. It doesn’t feel like it.

 

Overall the day wasn’t bad. I got to spend most of it at home. I got to sleep in for a bit. I posted two blogs because I’ve been behind on that. I ran the dishwasher and put the dishes away. I talked to my mom. I logged all of the workouts that I haven’t been adding to Runkeeper.

 

I went through all of the projects I’ve completed for my Digital Graphics degree so far, looking to see what I wanted to add to my process book, the final assignment for my class this month. I also went through all of my personal projects that I’ve done since the start of my second degree since we’re allowed to add those projects if we want.

 

I was surprised at how much I thought was good enough to be displayed. It makes me feel like I’m doing something right.

 

By then it was time for me to head to work. Frank had messaged me saying he had a migraine and would most likely be late. I took that to mean he most likely wasn’t showing up, which is pretty much how it went down.

 

I spent most of the lab with Tony, which wasn’t all that awful. I got a lot done with the process book. I’m using InDesign, so I set up the master page, found a background I like, figured out the fonts I’m going to be using and their sizes. Lots of forward progress there. It’s mostly going to be gathering my pre-pro now since I really didn’t save a lot of that. I’ll know for my next portfolio class.

 

That’s what I’m supposed to be working on right now, but I don’t feel like it. I’m still angry that the last thing on my to-do list is “relax” and it’s going to be the one thing that I don’t get to do because I’ll get home so late.

 

It doesn’t help that when I mentioned that Zane could have taken the car to the Laundromat this afternoon when he got home his reply was that it could have been done yesterday morning. Basically saying that if I hadn’t been a slacker and gone and done it then it would been done already. Which is the real reason I want to flip shit right now. I didn’t go do it yesterday morning because he said that it would be better to actually use yesterday as my day off, to enjoy it, and that he would do laundry.

 

I feel like this is what I get for not taking care of things myself. It always comes back to bite me in the ass. Which sucks because I can remember how awesome it made me feel the first time he did laundry for me. How it had been a surprise and I wasn’t expecting it and how it made my whole night knowing there was one less thing on my to-do list that I had to worry about. How warm and cared for I felt for days afterwards.

 

I wish I felt like that still. I wish it felt even and fair instead of one sided. I wish I could be like everyone else and enjoy my night once I got home instead of being the only one put out, or taking one for the team.

 

I’m stuck in the “this sucks” perspective at the moment, and most likely will stay that way for a bit. I’ll most likely end up sleeping on the couch tonight. I don’t feel like being near anyone. I don’t feel like talking or working things out or even really being rational. I don’t feel like being close to someone or feeling like my skin is on fire because of sexual frustration.

 

I really would rather go into hermit mode and not deal with anyone for a really long time.

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