I went running on Saturday. The first time in a really long time. At least long to me. What was it… like… two months? The last time was before my race, so at least a month if not a month and a half. I ran an 18:30 mile. For not having run at all for so long I think I did amazing. I maintained my time, and I didn’t have any pain. Well… a bit of soreness, but not the shin splints or tendon tightness that normally makes my runs unfun.
I felt strong through the whole thing. I felt like I had good form. My breathing was fine. And at the end I felt like I could keep going. My pace for two of my intervals was at a 6, and there were a few times that I went over my 1 minute interval time, pushing into two minutes because fuck you Universe. Not that there’s any real reason to aside from still feeling like a badass about my run.
I’ve been worried about running again. The longer I put it off the more I was worried. The more I thought that it was going to be a bad run. I was worried it would be like when I started biking again last week. I felt like I would do poorly and that would make me feel bad and be a demotivator, but by not doing it I was being a self-fulfilling prophecy. The only way to get better is to do it. So I did it.
I woke up Saturday and just sort of knew it was going to happen. I’m not sure if anyone else ever gets those feelings. Out of nowhere there’s just this sudden urge to do something you’ve been avoiding. You’re ready for the fight. You know you’re going to win. You’re going to be an epic badass and nothing is going to stand in your way of whatever it is you’re about to crush.
Most of the time it’s something silly like grading the assignments for work, or doing the dishes, or organizing something. It just so happened to be my run, and I’m glad for it. It wasn’t my best time. It most likely wasn’t my best run as far as strength goes either. I honestly don’t care. I did it. Step one, the hardest part, done. I’ve started again. I’ve faced that fear and now it’s no longer there, holding me back, weighing me down. It’s a good feeling.
Of course since I didn’t stretch or do yoga afterwards my legs are hating on me today, but I’m ok with that. It’s a nice reminder.
Let’s see… what else happened…
Back tracking a bit to Friday, I had an email from Clavan about grading the projects before Monday. I used the time I was in the Shading and Lighting lab to get through all of the ones I had, aside from the three projects which had requested an extension. I’m going to have to finish those off today. But yeah, got all of that taken care of before beginning work on my project assignment for the week.
I got the logo created, along with a lot of the base elements. I got all of the text typed out as well as picking out the color swatches I would be using. All in all I was extremely pleased with everything I got taken care of during the evening.
Last week was also the first week where I biked, every day, to and from work. I almost got Zane to pick me up Friday night, which that is a bit of a story.
So, I wrote about how last much was a giant mess with the Shading and Lighting class. How the class was too big for the room we were assigned and how there was the Hall of Fame event in the middle of the month which interrupted normal class schedule. When classes started meeting again, the room we were in was even more messed up. Desks were missing, and some of them weren’t set up properly so there was no way for students to plug their laptops in if their battery started dying.
Yeah… Hawt mess.
I guess the students wrote a formal complaint about the situation. In the complaint they said Frank was a jerk who never answered their questions, saying to “Read the directions on the online platform” instead, and that all I did was knit.
I’m still sort of angry about it. I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t the whole class who wrote the complaint. I’m almost positive I know the guy who’s organizing everything because he’s the only person who seemed to have an issue with me at all. I also know for a fact that even though I might not know as much as Frank, and even though I might have to ask him for help more often than I should, I did answer a fair amount of questions last month, and the people I did help were extremely grateful for my in-depth explanation of the material, saying it helped to clear up their understanding.
Let’s also touch on the fact that my helping in the Shading and Lighting lab was supposed to be temporary, lasting only until they hired a qualified lab specialist to help out Frank. I’ve never been given time to go over the material myself, or to shadow the class, so all of the information I do have is from my own time. All of the pdfs and changes I have made to the class I have done out of my own motivation. This isn’t my class. I never wanted it to be my class. I’ve actually tried twice to move into other areas that would use my design degree, areas where I am more qualified and interested in working. And both times I have been shot down.
I’m not going to be sorry that I’m not a Shading and Lighting person.
I’m also not going to be sorry that I stitch while I’m in lab. What else am I supposed to do? Sit for 4 to 8 hours doing literally nothing? I can’t work on code or a rig. It would be like being given a research assignment and told to go read all of these complex articles and research all of this supporting facts that you have to go in and cite only to be interrupted every 5 to 15 minutes to explain to someone how to boil eggs.
I know some people are ok with that. I’m not one of those people. I’m one of those people that by the third time I’m interrupted I’m so close to ripping your face off that you can clearly see that I’m in bitch mode and not in the mood for your question and if it’s not a really, really good question you’re going to feel like shit for coming up because you most likely could have figured it out yourself you just didn’t try and that’s the exact tone in which I’ll answer your demeaningly basic question with.
Yeah… I’m not a very fun person to be around when I’m working. Or rather, I’m not a fun person to piss off when I’m working.
So, in the interest of others and my own mental stability, I don’t work on tasks that require a lot of higher level thinking because my brain can’t jump train tracks like that. Instead I stitch which is very low level thinking for me. I can put it down quickly and easily, answer whatever question, nicely, that a person has because I’m not trying to solve my own problems, and then go back to what I was doing because it’s easy to see where I was. I don’t have to navigate back through 2000+ lines of code, trying to remember where I was at in my trouble shooting or what I was doing, only to have to stop just as I find my spot again to answer something completely non-related.
Cross stitching still something artistic and creative. It’s a passion for me that helps me feel fulfilled, and I still do my job while I do it. I don’t understand why there is an issue at all. If I had been sketching, or working on a digital painting I’m sure it wouldn’t have been an issue. But this one guy felt like he had it in for me, and I am willing to put money on it that he organized the whole thing.
Mr. “I’m going to talk through all of Frank’s demo about a different class and how much that work load is killing me then come up afterwards and say that I don’t know how to do any of this stuff and how it’s not sinking in and how I need someone to sit with me one and one to help me understand it better”.
Fuck you, dude. That’s not how this works. You want to talk and show that our time doesn’t matter to you, fine. There are 68 other students who have questions and notes and who actually are trying to learn while you dick around. I’m going to help them and you can watch the podcasts that are there for support. If the material is covered too quickly then go through those at your own pace and come up with an actual question. Something educated and constructive like, “I’ve assigned the material and attached the bump map but for some reason it’s not lining up with my texture anymore.”
Not, “I don’t get any of this. Go over all of the material in lecture again.”
No. Not until you showed me that you tried to help yourself. Not until you show me that you did something, anything. That you retained at least one term, one word, out of all of the time you were in lecture or during the demo.
Yeah. I was not a fan of this guy. He submitted his final assessment assignment two hours early saying that he didn’t remember how to do anything and then left. This assessment is literally open notes, open book, open internet, open Madam Cleo… Open anything aside from talking to your fellow classmate. He could have Googled any issue that he had, and instead he gave up saying that he was pretty sure he could still pass the class if he bombed the assessment and left.
And he’s going to write a complaint that I was a bad lab specialist, in a lab I’m not specialized in? Can we take a second for accountability? Can we take a step back and not look at this as student / teacher where since I am the person in “power” it is automatically my fault if they do poorly? Can we look at this as two adults where we’re each responsible for our own part and if the other person doesn’t hold up their end, then it’s their fault? Can we at a minimum hold people responsible for their own actions and examine all of the facts before we jump to, “You don’t do your job well enough?
So that was the beginning of work on Friday. Finding out that I might have a meeting to discuss this issue since Frank had been called into a meeting about it. I’m not sure if I will be. I don’t have an email about it yet, but if they do call me in, oh man, am I prepared for battle. I’ll go all Samuel L. Jackson on some people.
Right Brain: Say I don’t do my job again. I dare you.
Because of that information I really just wanted to go home. But as the night wore on I became more ok with the thought of my bike ride, especially since it was my last ride of the week. I didn’t want to let life win. I was going to bike, damnit! And I did, and it was a pretty awesome ride.
Hannah, Zane and I went to the sports bar after I got home and had dinner together. It was a karaoke night so we actually thought about picking up Taco Bell and not staying, but I’m glad we did. There were some awful songs, but there were some really good ones, and I think overall we had a good time. We have tentative plans to do karaoke this coming Friday together. I’m terrified, but at the same time I think it could be fun. I’ve never done it before so it will be something I can scratch off my bucket list, not that I think it was ever there.
Saturday was a busy day. I did the gym thing. I washed and vacuumed the car. I picked up my backpack from school since I had left it there to bike home. I picked up coals for the hookah. I got a new cat…
That escalated quickly…
Trevor’s mom has / had a cat she was going to get rid of. Zane told me about it and asked if I wanted to adopt her into the family. I said I would have to meet her first. I don’t want a new cat. I want to make sure Scarlet is happy in her old age. I want her to be comfortable and for her to know she is loved. Adding a new cat into the mix would make things rough.
The cat was brought over, which means she’s still here.
There wasn’t another place for her to go other than a shelter, and at 9 years old, she wasn’t going to get adopted. So really it came down to keep her or send her to her death. I can’t do that. So Hailey is now part of the household.
She’s pretty. I’ll post pictures in a bit. She’s adjusting. She’s taken to me, like I figured she would. It was what I didn’t want to have happen, but it’s only been two days. She misses her home. She hisses at everything even as she mews sadly to be petted. She sits in my lap every once in a while. She’s going in and out of the room more and she’s been eating and drinking. I think she will adjust. I think everyone will.
I went to sleep sort of early, woke up, poked around on the computer for a bit, then went back to sleep.
Sunday was another super busy day. I went to the storage unit to get my kitchen stuff and my vacuum. Zane and I did the grocery shopping. We went to Moe’s for lunch and had a really enjoyable day together. I worked on my homework after we got home and then played in his Pathfinder game with everyone that evening.
There was a really awesome part in the game where we found a cabin in the swamp we’re tracking through. Uke’s character walked up to the door and said he was going to kick it open. Zane said that action wouldn’t work because the doors opened outward. Uke kept pushing it though and finally Zane said fine, to go ahead and roll to see what happened.
Uke rolled a natural 20. XD
So basically, his character walked up to these old, rotting double doors and kicked them in so hard that the wood shattered into splinters, the doors blasting off of the hinges due to Uke’s epic awesomeness. Zane could only sit there and shake his head. Totally worth it. There’s also a running theme with making fun of Trevor’s character’s mom. That was great.
I’m still the creepy little girl who is actually just a floating book with a glamour around myself, dragging a dead bunny around with me, and now a zombie arm so I can run around poking things with the dead hand, or wave at people with it.
Give me a break. I’m the book of the dead. Dead things are sort of my thing…
It’s the first time in over a month that I’ve been part of the game, so that was fun. It was really nice that I got so much done with my project before the game. I didn’t feel guilty about participating in it. I actually had a glass of sake so by the time the game was done I was super ready for bed.
I cleaned up the kitchen and then crashed. I told Zane if I happened to wake up I would go out and do the laundry. I woke up at 5 but was still pretty groggy and didn’t think that would be enough time to get there, get everything done, and get back before Zane needed the car for work.
I have a game plan in motion for laundry though. Along with all of the cooking that needs to happen for today. I’m looking forward to my morning. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be low key, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get most everything I want done before biking into work.