I rewrote my about section the other day. Not sure why I find that important now, but I do. I guess my brain is trying to play catch-up with life.
I’ve cooked breakfast, cup of coffee included. I wish I had a toaster oven. I might see if someone has an extra they can let me borrow for the few weeks I’ll still be here. It’s scary. In two weeks I’ll be leaving.
I have an appointment with a locksmith today to unlock my storage unit. Through all of the moving around I’ve done since being back in Orlando I managed to lose my storage unit keys. Much lame. I already bought a new lock. I did that while I was reserving the UBox for my stuff. That’s on the 8th… Again, so close… so many mixed emotions.
Because the end is coming so soon I’ve been trying to find closure with some of the people in my life. I’ve reached out to Jarrett twice to see if I could say goodbye to him in person. He hasn’t responded to my messages so I’m guessing that’s not going to happen. I did what I could so I have not regrets or residual feelings. It would have been nice to wish him well in life and to not have animosity between us for the break up. He’s another ex who owes me roughly $1000.
I tried to reach out to Chad as well. I don’t think I ever wrote about him. He was prominent in my life while I was dating Corey. In the timeline of my dating life that was before Warren #2 (the second time), before Jarrett, before Sir, before Zane. Chad and I never dated, but there was undeniable chemistry between us which we both felt. Which I ignored. It’s one of the things I wonder on sometimes. What would have happened if we had dated? There was / is a lot between us and I wanted to reach out to him and let him know even though we haven’t talked in years that he was an important person in my life. I wanted to say goodbye to him in person. I haven’t heard back from him though, so I guess that’s not going to happen either.
Again, I tried everything I could to facilitate a meeting. If it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. I can only do my best.
I saw Zane yesterday. That led to mixed emotions. He had a few thing I needed to pick up from the apartment; a blanket my mom had bought me while I was a freshmen in high school, Scarlet’s flea comb, and a tablet pen and well that I need to return to the school during my exit interview on Friday.
I had stopped by after going to the gym yesterday. He wasn’t home and I was ok with that. I had forgotten to stop by the bank, though. We went over our data usage again because of me listening to Spotify, which I don’t regret or feel bad for. If we go over I pay the overage fee. So I needed to leave money at the apartment for the payment and had forgotten to go to the bank first. It wasn’t on my to-do list.
By the time I got back to the apartment Zane was walking in with the groceries he had gotten. I know he saw me pull up. It was frustrating and I feel disrespectful how he kept walking away from me. Looking back on it, he most likely didn’t know I had already been to the apartment and gotten my things. He most likely thought that I still had to come inside. But I didn’t. I wanted to hand him the money and leave and instead I had to “chase” him into the apartment to give it to him.
He was extremely nice and friendly to me and the whole time all I could think of was how he yelled and cursed at me on the phone last Saturday. How he had Sara over while I was in Vegas and lied to me about it. How he admitted to taking advantage of my need for human contact. How he had wanted to “be my friend.”
I couldn’t be nice back, so instead I was quiet.
When he wished me a good day I turned and left, not saying anything in return. I didn’t wish him a good day. I wish him nothing. I’m still too angry and hurt. I don’t wish anything negative anymore but I guess I’m still too low to wish him a happy life because I don’t feel like someone who can be that inconsiderate, that selfish, deserves happiness. I feel like he should feel the pain he put me through, that he put Nic through, that he’s most likely going to put Sara through. I want him to understand what it feels like. And maybe that’s selfishness on my part.
I don’t know. That’s where I am with that right now. There shouldn’t be another reason for me to see him again aside from signing paperwork. I’m giving him until Friday to switch his phone over to his own account. If not then I’m going to send a reminder about it, explaining the only options I have available are to disconnect the line which would terminate his service.
Seeing him led to all sorts of mixed up feelings. I came back to the extended stay and cried a little. I wrote, which helped. Afterwards I went to Sir’s place and watched Batman Bad Blood and last week’s Game of Thrones episode. I was pretty ok with everything that happened. I love the Hound.
I don’t think a whole lot is going to happen today. I have the storage unit to take care of. Currently waiting on the guy to call me, but that shouldn’t be until around 10ish. I have work at 1pm. At some point I want to go to the gym. I need to run to the grocery store for a few things, but nothing overly major.
I think I’m going to set my computer up and get a controller so I can play Witcher III. I think that will give me something to occupy my time with. Something I actually want to be doing. I’ve kicked the idea of cross stitching around, but I don’t have it in my at the moment.
Today is the first official day of summer. It doesn’t feel different in Florida. There isn’t an energy shift. It’s been “summer” for months.
Oh. Something else that happened. I got contacts. I’m not going to wear them constantly. Only when I’m at the gym or doing crazy taekwondo / aikido stuff. I figured it would be beneficial to my glasses to not put them in harms way.
So I guess this is a public service announcement… foreign objects on your eyeballs feel weird. >.<
That’s about it though. Going to go finish my coffee and shower so I can get the day started. Looking forward to killing me some ghouls and bandits.