Warning: Unproof read blog due to tiredness : D
You would think in almost five days that I would have stuff I want to write about, and I guess I do but at 2 in the morning when I have to be up at 8 for class I’m not sure I’m feeling up to going into details. Which means this is going to turn into a mini novel that I don’t get done writing until like… 4am or something. XD
Therapy was a good session on Thursday. I got to discuss my brother’s email to me about how I’ve been a bane to his existence. No I’m not exaggerating. If you want to read about it check out my previous post.
Basically, I came to the conclusion that I don’t have to burn for him, or for anyone for that matter. He’s family, true, but I have an obligation to myself first and foremost. If helping him endangers my own wellbeing then I owe it to myself to step back. It is his choice to hold onto his anger, and it’s my choice to value myself above trying to appease him. I guess we’ll see where our relationship ends up. It’s really up to him.
I felt good afterwards. Solid. Like I had figured out an important aspect of myself. Abuse is abuse. Intentionally harming someone, emotionally, physically, spiritually… it doesn’t matter. It’s wrong no matter what type of abuse it is. And it’s wrong no matter who is doing it. A stranger, friend, or family. It doesn’t matter. No one ever has the right to cause intentional harm to another living creature.
I spent time with friends playing Pokemon go in downtown Orlando that evening. It was fun and a nice end to the day.
Friday was my exam. I got an 89 on it. I missed eight questions. I’m still not really sure how I feel about it. Four of the questions we were told wouldn’t be on the test. Like… when we were going over the study guide we were specifically told those answers didn’t matter because they would be on a later test, not this one, so don’t worry about it. Well… when I got them on the test I didn’t know the answer and I guessed wrong apparently. Two of the other questions were silly mistakes due to negligence on my part. The other two I answered “right” but there was a “more right” answer so they were still technically wrong.
I guess overall I’m alright with the grade. It’s not the 100 I would have preferred, but not bad. It’s not my certification exam either, so there’s time to improve.
I had lunch with Em that day.
Saturday I woke up early and went to a boxing class. That was an intense workout that I needed. Good burn and it started my day off right. I took care of laundry and saw Zane. He had mail for me, and there’s a bit more that goes into the encounter, but basically the phone bill is $400 because he’s behind a payment and didn’t tell me. Thanks… that’s only my credit and phone service… Long story short, I had the option to get signed off the lease and I opted not to until the phone issue is taken care of. That should be in two weeks. His next pay check. We’ll see what happens. If it all goes according to plan then I should be off the lease within the month. Fingers crossed.
Lio, my sister in law, is taking care of the carpets for the apartment in Vegas. That will be Tuesday, so until then there’s not much I can do. Even after that it’s really up to the owner to agree to trying to lease the apartment again. I hope it works out and Jodi can persuade him.
Anyway, after finishing up laundry and getting lunch I spent 3 hours with friends downtown again during which time I may or may not have been playing Pokemon Go…
I left that adventure early to join another group of friends for sushi, after which we went to a different location where I again… may or may not have played PoGo… Seriously though… I walked 7 miles on Saturday on top of doing boxing in the morning. I was totally beat by the time I got home.
I also connected with a bunch of friends through the FitBit app on Saturday and started a Weekend Warrior challenge. That was fun to figure out. At the end of Saturday I was in second place… not cool, bro.
Today has been a good day. I cleaned up the room I’m staying in. I had lunch, did grocery shopping, put the clothes away and did more Pokemon. Ok… I know it sounds like I play the game a lot, and maybe I do, but it’s only after everything else has been taken care of and really it’s no different than saying I played Witcher III for a few hours, except with PoGo I’m outside getting my steps in while leveling shit for world domination. Which, by the way, I’m pretty sure I won the challenge for the weekend. By something like 400 steps, but hey, a win is a win right? /flex
I’ve had a few moments where I’ve been sad, thinking about mom, but overall I think I’ve been doing good. I’m proud of the way I handled the situation with my brother and Zane, who proceeded to send me text messages about how I was trying to cast myself as the victim.
No… I’m not. I’m trying not to get screwed over for another $700 because money is still owed on your phone along with the $400 in bill payment when you still owe me $2000 for all of the expenses I covered while you were unemployed…
So yeah, I think those are the main events of the past few days. Not a lot, yet at the same time, it’s a lot. Emotionally it felt heavy.
I passed my first exam. I wish mom where here for it. I know she’s proud. It’s still hard though. I think the next few weeks are going to be sort of hard because we’re learning the procedures I helped the RNs and CNAs perform while I stayed at the hospital with her. It’s going to be sort of flash backy for me. Just reading about how to change an occupied bed was hard for me because I remember all the times I helped do it.
I guess this is where we’ll see if I’m actually cut out for this stuff. I think it will be hard. But I think it will be healing, and I think it will be worth it. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow. And with that I’m off to sleep. Only 30 minutes later… go me. : D