Daily Post 032: The Floor Isn’t So Scary

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I think I might actually get to sleep at a decent hour. Thought 3:30 am is a pretty lame wake up hour when you’ve been unemployed for a year. I do have to say, I at least know how to wake up and function that early in the morning thanks to my time at Full Sail.

I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be this morning, which was a nice surprise. I showered and got ready for work. I even took some time to braid my hair. I’m not going to lie… part of that has to do with watching Vikings and seeing some of the cool shit they do with their hair. Another part of it is me wanting to be more girly and feminine, though if you ask me if that’s one of the reasons to my face I’ll totally deny it and say it was an alternative fact.

So yeah, I done did my hair this morning. I packed my gym bag since I had the training appointment after class, packed lunch so I wouldn’t starve during the day, then headed out to work.

I like the routine I’m forming. I get there early enough to see my trainer by himself. We exchange pleasantries. I offer to help set up, an offer he always graciously turns down. One day I will win. From there I go to the break room and make coffee while my breakfast heats in the microwave. The room is empty, quiet, peaceful. I listen to the coffee machine humming as it heats the water. I love the soft pouring sound as the smell of coffee begins to fill the small space. It’s nice.

Today I noticed that the rack where the coffee pouches hang was low on some of the flavors so I restocked it while I waited. It gave me a reason to go through the cabinets. I know where the stir sticks are now, and the sugar packets, which I also restocked.

It was nice watching everyone filter in, making their coffee and knowing that I had helped improve their day. They didn’t have to dig around to find stuff. It was already there and ready to go. Maybe I’m weird or slightly voyeuristic by enjoying that behind the scenes sort of knowledge.

Anyway, today we worked with the machines again. One of the things we had to do was mix a bleach solution so we could clean the equipment once we were done. Some of my classmates were having issues keeping the different ratios straight so I got to explain the method I’m using to keep the confusing mess organized in my head. It helped some of my teammates.

We also had a “friendly” competition where we divided into teams. Our trainer picked a leader for each team and said we were going to race to see which team could set the machine up the quickest while still being accurate.

My team was last even though everyone kept commenting on how well I did…

I seriously don’t get it; this… whatever it is my classmates feel for me. Admiration maybe? I definitely don’t feel I deserve it whatever it is. I’m a student just like they are, and a lot of this stuff doesn’t come naturally for me. I have to read a lot of the content several times before it starts to sink in, and even then, it’s not until we get to the hands-on portion where I get to mess up, then write out my notes so I can reflect back on my process and understand my errors that I really begin to solidify everything in my head.

I’m not a prodigy. I’m not better than they are, but I feel that they hold me above them, like the shining example they strive to be. It’s a little alienating, and I think it bothers one of my teammates, conveniently the one I’m supposed to train with at my clinic tomorrow…

I know she was having a bad day today, so maybe that was it more than her actual feelings towards me or the dynamic shift in our group, but still. I’m not trying to rock the boat. I would really be ok with not having the attention that I feel I have.

The second half of class was mostly computer work. I wasn’t able to get all of it done because there were three side conversations going on which made it hard to focus. I was interrupted several times with questions from a few people as well. That I didn’t mind but hearing about someone’s plans for how they wanted to remodel their kitchen was pretty annoying.

I was glad for the day to be over. We were allowed to leave a bit early which let me talk to two of my classmates alone. The one-on-one interaction was a nice break from the constant stimulation of being around 12 people. All girls I might add. Sooo much estrogen. x.x

Because we left early I got to the dojo a bit early which allowed me time to stretch and decompress from the mild overwhelmed feelings I had been picking up throughout the day.

By the time my trainer was ready for me I was ready for her. She showed me how to do front rolls and back rolls. I have done front rolls in aikido and had started working on backrolls, but it’s been so long I wasn’t confident in my ability anymore, and when I messed up during normal warmups for Gi and NoGi classes I didn’t know what I was doing wrong to fix it.

Having my trainer, we’ll call her MG, there with me explaining it all to me again was fantastic. I am now a roll master. We did cartwheels, too. That’s another warmup we do every so often in jiujitsu class and even though I did gymnastics when I was little I haven’t done a cartwheel in what feels like forever. For some reason the floor seemed terrifying when I thought about doing a cartwheel; more so than when I thought about doing front rolls.

I mean, really? Out of everything I’ve been through in my whole life I’m going to be scared of making myself look silly by trying to do a cartwheel? I’m pretty sure I could find something more ridiculous to be scared of but at the moment I really can’t think of anything.

Left Brain: It’s the floor. It’s not like it’s going to jump up and attack you. Just do a fucking cartwheel.

Right Brain: Screw you! We’re going to die if we try doing this. Instead, let’s panic because having an anxiety attack over the thought of maybe potentially doing something is a way better way to invest our limited energy.

Well, no longer is the floor terrifying. I can totally bust out a cartwheel on my left side. The right side is still sort of dodgy, but I can mostly do it. It’s the landing that sucks. MG said it’s normal for people to have a good side and a bad side. This just means I know which side I need to practice with more.

We did some weight training, too. That was fun and I know my arms are going to hate me for it tomorrow. Good. Maybe they’ll suck it up and finally stop being so weak. Totally happy with how well the session went. We arranged to meet again this coming Monday.

I think that’s how I want this to flow for the remainder of my clinic training. Monday I’ll have a session with MG that way through the week I can alternate between yoga and the workout she has me do. On the days I feel up for it I can go to a jiujitsu class or Muay Thai, but for now, I think I’m content with focusing on conditioning.

I talked to Jon a bit when I got home. We ironed out some details with his resume. We’ve also arranged to go kayaking next weekend. Big Bad is interested in going as well, which would be really nice. I might suggest making it a date day and seeing if he wants to go to the beach afterward since we’ll already be in Daytona.

I did a few other computer chores while I was at my desk. I finished the training I hadn’t been able to complete while I was in class since it would have bothered me to leave it unfinished. It would have required me to have less time on the floor tomorrow interacting with patients as well, so I’m glad it’s out of the way.

I ate dinner and watched another episode of Vikings once I was happy with the tasks I accomplished. It’s been a nice way to unwind at the end of the day. Eat, relax, make my night time tea, blog, prep for bed, go to sleep.

I’ve never been one for having a night time routine. Not a solid, consistent one at least. I think I’m forming one now though, and I think it is helping me to sleep better. I think the blackout curtains help as well since there’s a lamp post close to my window. I love sleeping in darkness. ❤

Well… That’s it for today. Tomorrow starts early so I’m going to go. I hope it’s as good a day as what last Friday was.

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