Daily Post 123: Checking In

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This writing may be a bit rushed but I want to do it while I have time.

I worked five days last week. That doesn’t sound all that hard when compared to how everyone typically works five days, but those are five 12 hour shifts. It was hard. I had Sunday off where I did a fair amount of school work for my CNA class along with food prep for the coming week. Yesterday, Monday, I worked, so I didn’t get much of a break to regroup.

It looked like I was going to pick up a shift today, Tuesday, but blessedly they got the situation figured out and so I’m left having today mostly to myself.

I have my first actual lab for class today at 5 pm. In theory, it won’t be over until 9 which puts me home around 9:30 or 10 with a 3 am wake-up call for work. That’s how my weeks are going to be from now until December. The only time I’ll interact with Ox on Tuesdays and Thursdays is during our morning cigarettes.

He said we’ll be ok; that we’ll make it through this, even though it technically hasn’t even started yet. I think we both realize it’s going to be on the harder side of the life scale and hearing his reminder that it will be temporary makes the next few months seem less daunting then they did yesterday afternoon.

Ox and I are doing well. We’re making progress in the addition and within our relationship.

I haven’t worked out for a week. Mostly because I worked so much.

I’m a little anxious about my class. I’m sure it will be fine once I’m there. I’m trying to not let it take away from the quiet time I have now.

I’ve showered. I’ve put my close away. I’ve unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I want to go to the gym. I want to stop at Dollar General for more index cards so I can finish those up before class tonight. I wanted to write, which even if it’s brief, at least I’m doing it.

Mama Ox didn’t know I had signed up for or started my class so I talked to her last night about it.

Honestly, I really don’t know what all to say.

It’s turning colder here. I don’t mind it as much as I thought I would. I need to buy winter clothing still. I’m waiting to see what scrubs I need to by for the clinical portion of my class before devoting a day to shopping so I can do it all at once.

I’m sure there are things I can / should ponder over and muse through, but I don’t feel like I have the time or space to do it today and so my thoughts aren’t very forthcoming.

There’s a dojo in Beatrice which does Muay Thai and Hapkido. I’m interested in looking into it but haven’t yet. I work Saturday this week so I’ll be getting overtime again. The new schedule isn’t out yet but it should be some time this week. I’m thinking about not re-upping my training sessions for the moment since I have so little time as it is between work and school. I don’t like the thought of having to drive so far on my days off. It’s one of the reasons I had been hoping to get into the CNA class in Beatrice, that way everything would be near each other, but that didn’t work out. I don’t want to drive to Beatrice, then to Lincoln only to drive to Beatrice again in the morning for work. It just seems so horribly inefficient and time-consuming.

I’m thinking I’m going to try to be more diligent about getting to the gym near home and seeing about the hapikdo classes after work and being content with that through the winter. There’s also the added worry about driving in the snow. I don’t want to load my winter up with tons of activities. I would rather keep winter mildly quiet. I already know it’s still going to be hard emotionally. I want to allow myself to have space if I need it.

The new tech we hired is doing well. I’m thinking about offering to take vacation when she needs to come down and train at our clinic on our machines. I would rather not have to cover shifts at Cap City and I’m almost to the point where my PTO hours are capped. I would rather not cash them out since they’re taxed so heavily. I don’t know… it’s something in my mind. Taking some time off, especially around the December time frame, would be nice. Get done with my class, take a few weeks to regroup, get through my grief, come back ready to kick ass again.

My FA wants me to become a preceptor for our clinic. That means I have to go to Acadamy first. That’s most likely something we’ll look at in the new year. I need to figure out the whole LPN thing before April as well, so that will most likely also be a “new year” thing. Seeing where I’m at financially, what the clinic is able to do with/without me.

I guess a lot of stuff right now is nebulous and there’s not much I can do about any of it other than keep on trucking on. I haven’t been focusing on weight loss because I guess right now I’m kind of ok with me. I wouldn’t mind losing more weight, but I never really cared about the numbers. I don’t want to reach a certain number, I just want to do things that I find fulfilling, like going to the dojo. Maybe that’s why there’s a bit of resistance now to the training. I can’t justify going when it’s not really moving me towards somewhere I want to be. I don’t care about weight. I care about drive time and cost.

More things to think about and consider. I think I’m going to go for now so I can get to the gym. That will give me a bit of time to think about things more. I could zen out as I row to loosen up my shoulders which are sort of angry with me right now. I’m not thinking it’s going to be a super intense workout, but I would like to sweat a bit just to say I did.

I want to cross stitch a bit today, too, while I have the time to do it. I’m thinking about leaving here around 4 so I have plenty of time to get to my class. I know where the building is, but I’ve never been inside the classroom before. I don’t know how crazy parking is going to be either. I’ll make sure to have snacks with me along with water. I’m going to go ahead and put my books in the car so I can’t forget them later.

So yeah… I guess that’s it. I’m still alive. I’m doing ok. Trying to give myself as much of a break as I can and enjoy the time off that I have.

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