I’ve been sick lately. This is the first time in about three weeks where I’ve had an extended amount of time off work to try to recover. The weather is finally turning warmer. The sun is out…
It’s been… nice… I’ve been able to sit on the front porch and stare out at green fields and blue skies and not feel this overwhelming crush to accomplish things. I don’t have demands on my time other than to rest and get better.
As I was sitting this morning / early afternoon, these words came to me. I don’t know why. I’m not really one for poetry, but that apparently doesn’t seem to matter to the Universe.
So here is my Mother’s Day Reflection, preserved in text for later years when maybe I’ll need to reread them.
It’s a few days past, I hope that’s ok.
Better late than never, the words you would say.
Sickness has come, slowly it goes.
Coughing out my lungs, maybe a part of my soul.
In these few days of silence, I’ve heard in my head,
All of the words I wish I had said.
So, yes slightly late and long overdue,
but here are my words this Mother’s Day to you.
Bright daylight sun and dark nighttime moon,
all universal truths are different without you.
Through green summer grass and white winter snow,
regardless of the time, my love for you grows.
Your presence is felt and yet physically missed.
It’s the strength you gave me that gets me through this.
This absence and longing; the horrific alone.
I know that you’re with me, even if you no longer answer the phone.
The promises I made after your last dying breath…
I’ve done my best to keep even in my deepest depths.
Food and showers, it’s a struggle to go on,
It’s been more than hard, mom, now that you’re gone.
Small steps towards accomplishment bringing pain so severe…
What’s the point in any of it when you’re no longer here?
Those words still cut at me while I cry myself to sleep,
but I made those promises and my promises I will keep.
So please know from here to where you are,
that Death can go fuck itself because it doesn’t matter how far.
The love which was given, the lessons you taught,
The person I am is a gift that can never be bought.
Through all of these words, I know one thing is true,
Forever and always a daughter I will be to you.
I love you mom. Happy Mother’s day.