Daily Post 168: Work Update

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I suppose now is a good time to write about work since I’m sitting at a desk in a very nice, overly nice, hotel room getting ready to go to bed so I can cover a shift at a clinic I’ve never been in before.

I’m working five days a week for the next forever. I did that to myself. I won’t be able to pick up overtime much while I’m in school. At least, I have the feeling that I won’t want to pick it if I don’t have to.

I also have the expense of the apartment I need to recover from. The security deposit was $450. I still would like to get internet over there. I had to buy an air mattress so I could sleep. I bought a set of Pryx glass baking dishes from Goodwill along with some baking sheets since I needed things to cook with. Silverware so I could eat. Things like that.

I still would like to buy a few things for the apartment, which are additional expenses that only money can help facilitate. I know the apartment is a temporary living arrangement. But a year, maybe a year and a half which would be the length of school, is still a decent amount of time. I want it to feel like my space. Safe. Structured. Organized. Clean.

I want it to be mostly how I want it. I doubt I’ll paint the walls or anything super personal like that. But I would like for the pots to have a place to go other than the top of the stove. The kitchen doesn’t have a lot of space so that’s something I need to work on in the coming weeks; making the limited space I do have a bit more usable.

Anywho…

Yeah. I’m looking at 50+ hour work weeks for a while.

Also, State will be at my clinic to do surveys this coming Monday. Originally, our new tech was supposed to work that day while I covered a shift at one of our sister clinics. I offered to trade shifts with her so I would be the one being surveyed since she’s still so new to the world of dialysis. She was on board with the idea. Not that I’m stoked about being scrutinized, but I feel it’s the kind thing to do for the newest member of our team.

So that’s going on.

The TTS shifts are going well. We’re getting two new patients soon, so those days are no longer going to be super short. That’s both good and bad. Good because both New Tech and I will be able to get all of our hours at our home clinic. Bad, because short days are really nice. ;-;

I applied for and was accepted, to be part of a PCT Advisory Committee for our region. The hope is to find solutions for issues with teammate retention, work/life balance, and, in general, making the PCT experience less hellish and more sustainable. Unlike being surveyed… I AM totally stoked for the committee’s first meeting which is in July. This is something I’m super passionate about; making life suck less for my teammates. Totally willing to fight this battle. I WANT to fight that battle. The people I work with are too awesome to not also be able to live their lives and be with their families.

I will also begin training to be the Vascular Access Manager for my clinic. My FA actually called me and talked to me about that. She said she knew I had a lot on my plate. I’m still working through the leadership class. I’m now part of the committee. I’m about to begin school. Not to mention my crazy 50 hour work weeks…

I’ve wanted to be the VAM for our clinic pretty much since I found out it was something within my scope to do. It’s fallen to the wayside in lue of more immediately important things. We didn’t “need” a VAM since my FA was covering everything. Since I didn’t “have” to do the VAM training, I took the CNA course for school instead among other things which I’m sure I could think of if I tried to think back hard enough.

I feel honored that my FA trusts me enough to delegate this role to me. It shows a lot of trust on her part and I’m grateful for it. Since it’s a role I’ve wanted I’m not upset about having another thing added to my plate. I’m looking forward to it. I just don’t know when all of that is going to begin. Sometime soon I’m sure. Most likely after this whole survey/audit thing.

Work went well today. New RN and I work really well together. I was able to deep clean all of the machines and chairs on the floor except for the stuff in ISO. I’ll get that on Thursday when I’m back at my clinic. Well… I mean… I’m there Wednesday, but it will be easier to do it Thursday so that’s the game plan I’m going with. I’ll most likely end up transferring the acid batch that I made last week on Wednesday instead.

The apartment has helped a lot with allowing me the time and space to recover from my days. I actually made it to the gym three times last week. Three. What the fuck, right? It feels like that’s more than what I’ve done in the past six months. I know that’s not true, but that doesn’t change how it feels.

I don’t know if there is a gym here at the hotel. The receptionist wasn’t the most friendly of people. I guess I interrupted her idle phone time. My bad… I’m pretty tired as it is. Driving up here to Florence was rougher than I thought it would be. Since it’s so close to Omaha, traffic sucked. There was also construction.

Much lame + Suckage /= Relaxing Drive

I’ve already driven to the clinic I’m covering at, so I know how to get there in the morning. That makes tomorrow morning seem less stressful.

I did forget to bring a Bang with me. Tomorrow will be the saddest of mornings. ;-;

At least the hotel room has a coffee maker I can use to limp by with.

Regardless of being Bang-less, I’m looking forward to being at a new clinic and getting to meet more of my fellow teammates and new patients. It’s a short day, ending around 10:30 or 11ish. I’ll get to drive home and be there around noon. I’ll be able to go to my own gym and maybe even cross stitch a bit tomorrow. I started a new pattern a few days ago. Which reminds me… I most likely didn’t post any of the ones I’ve completed since the year started…

The new one is a really small, simple pattern. I’m already almost halfway done with it. I think I’m going to do that for a bit; small projects so I can feel accomplished with getting little things done.

And with that, I guess I’ll go for now.

Things are going well. Busy, but well.

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Daily Post 167: Late Night Writing

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It’s almost midnight. I have to be back to work at 4 am which means being up at 3 am to shower and get ready.

I should be asleep.

Instead, I’m sitting here typing on my laptop while sitting in my beanbag chair in the living room of my one bedroom apartment.

Yeah… A lot of stuff has happened since the last time I wrote. A lot of hard conversations have taken place, and honestly I don’t know where to start other than where I am.

Ox and I survived all of the conversations we had. He had, and I’m sure still has, misgivings about me having my own space away from him. At one point I said, “All I can do is prove you wrong.” I’m not sure if writing it has the same effect as when I said it in our conversation. I meant it as an, “All I can do is prove to you that I’m different and that this will be a good thing; for everyone. For Me. For you. For us. The kids. Your parents. I won’t let this end us. I’m your’s. Your wife. And you can’t get rid of me. You’re stuck with me. Your my mine and I’m a dragon and I’m not going to let you give up on us. So there.”

Ox helped me move into the apartment. He helped me get things out of my storage unit. I have my cork board hung. I have several of my books on a bookshelf that his parents let me take with me. I have a knife set on my kitchen counter, again because of their generosity. I was able to take the cooking set I bought a while ago since Mama Ox isn’t a fan of it. I have matching silverware. I have solitude and space where I can hear myself think.

It’s only been a week so far, but it’s been nice. The nights I’ve had work the next morning I’ve been able to stay here and actually sleep since we currently have the kids for two weeks.

There has already been a large mental shift inside my head. I haven’t been able to emotionally or mentally process through a lot of the baggage I have going on inside my head, but I think I’m headed in a good direction. A better direction. A direction where I no longer have panic attacks at the thought of doing laundry, which was sort of the breaking point for me.

That’s not the type of person I want to be. That’s not who I am. I will not get my ass handed to me by a basket of dirty clothes. But it wasn’t the clothes that was the issue. That situation, that task, may have been the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. The tipping point from “I don’t feel ok,” to, “I’m ligitimately not ok.” But there was a larger issue to address. The issue that I’ve been struggling with since around the six month mark of moving here. The living situation and the lack of my own room / space.

Well… that’s changed. I have that space now. I went to the gym after working a 12 hour shift today. I biked for six miles and stretched after I was done. It was and still is a good feeling. It feels like me. At least, more me than I’ve felt in a while.

A lot of stuff has been going on with work, but I’m getting tired so I think I’ll save that for another day; hopefully tomorrow.

I’m doing ok. I know a week isn’t much to go on, but I do think I’m doing better than I was and I do legitimately believe Ox and I are ok. I believe him when he says it. I feel it in my heart chakra when he places his hands on my cheeks, making me look into his eyes and says, “We’re ok.”

Yes.

We’re ok. I’m ok. And things will be ok.