Daily Post 134: Potential Job


Yesterday didn’t go how I thought it would, but I guess that could potentially be a good thing.


Friday my writing was interrupted by a phone call from the apartment hunter. There was a place that looked really promising. The units were even on the ground floor. Screened in patios, washer and dryers in the units. Convenient location to everything I want. Pet-friendly…


I decided to go talk to them before they closed, which didn’t leave me with time to finish my writing. I showered and drove the five minutes to the complex. I talked to the guy there. I toured the model floor plan. I explained a bit of my situation and became more frustrated with society than I already was.


Because I’m unemployed I’m essentially the bane of existence to society. Because I’m unemployed it doesn’t matter what I have in my bank account. Because I’m unemployed my brother has to sign some forms saying he’s responsible for rent and that he makes four times the required amount.


I have enough money to pay for the year in full, but that doesn’t matter. I was in the top 10% of my department for work performance, but that doesn’t matter. I have amazing renter’s history and fantastic credit and I’ve always paid my taxes but none of that matters either. It doesn’t matter that I have an outstanding work ethic, or that my mom died, or that I have plans to get a job and that I’m not actually a freeloader.


I’m unemployed. I suck and would be a terrible tenant and I don’t deserve to have a place to live.


I’m still coming to terms with how our society is set up I guess. I’m still left wondering what’s the point of being an amazing employee, or a decent citizen when none of it matters or helps you when you need help. It’s frustrating. It’s frustrating that I don’t even really need help I just need for there to not be all of this BS in the way. What does it matter if I don’t have income when I can guarantee the year up front? 


Tangent aside, I filled out an application. It was too late to get to the bank and back in time with the processing fee, but I arranged to be at the office first thing when they opened in the morning. After that, since I had missed boxing to go to the apartment complex, I came back to the room and got ready for dinner since I had promised Corey his IOU.


Dinner was nice. We went to Kobe which is a Japanese steak house. I had leftovers at the end since there’s always so much food. That ended up being breakfast the next day.


I woke up at 9am so I could make it to the bank to get the check for the apartment complex. I also got a check for Corey since I was buying his couch from him along with getting the mattresses. I gave him more money than we agreed to. He’s been supportive of me during this time and he agreed to help me move everything, so I felt like it was the right thing to do.


After the bank I dashed over to the apartment office. Mr. Dude said he would send me an email with the forms my brother needed to fill out. Shocker… the email still hasn’t arrived. Even checked the spam folder. Much lame.  It only adds fuel to the fire of my seething annoyance with society.


At least I can send a fucking email on time. /flips middle finger at no one in general


Anywho, once the check was handed over, which secures the apartment until the application process is concluded, I went to pick up the Uhaul truck. Went to Corey’s, loaded it up, then started driving to the storage unit where I proceeded to bitch talk about the apartment situation.


That’s where yesterday started to deviate from what I had expected it to be. Corey mentioned how his company was looking for CG artists, and how they needed someone pretty much ASAP. He brought up the job posting and read off the requirements / desires to me. Some of them I fit, some of them I don’t.


We basically agreed that it didn’t hurt to apply, and that since he knew the art director he would mention me and send my resume to him directly. Once we were done at the storage unit I began seeing what I needed to do to apply for this job.


I needed to update my resume, website, YouTube, Vimeo, and LinkedIn. Cool… so I’m a total slacker and need to update everything… I can do this. First things first… let’s focus on the resume. All I need to do is find the original Illustrator file… but on yeah… my desktop is in the storage unit I just left, you know… 30 minutes away and I guess I never put the Illustrator file on Dropbox… So I guess I need to remake my resume since that would be faster than driving back, setting up my computer, getting the file, then editing whatever it is that I need to… That’s fine. I wanted to change the structure a bit anyway. This gives me a clean slate to do it.


So now all I need is a computer with Illustrator. No worries. I’m sure one of my former coworkers has a lab today. They can badge me into the building and I can use a school computer for a few hours… Oh… except that no one is on campus today…. Fuuuuuuuuu… Come on, Universe… A bone… something… I’m going to make this work, dammit, and you can’t stop me. 


I ended up messaging Frank. He said he had Illustrator CS5 on his computer and that I was welcome to use it. Hooray!


I went over and banged out a new resume in a few hours. It was nice to be inside of Illustrator again, though it would have been easier to align all of the text in InDesign. By the time I was done recreating the resume it was six-ish. I was supposed to have card night with Frank and everyone at seven, but I was on a roll and wanted to get everything done as soon as possible.


Frank seemed to understand and wished me luck. I came back to my room where I proceeded to go through my other sites, updating information, correcting typos no one ever told me about, and deleting videos which were no longer relevant. Mostly those videos were things I had to post for school and didn’t want on my professional sites anymore.


So all of my stuff is cleaned up. The only other things I want to do is type up a cover letter and possibly print out some pictures of my traditional artwork since that was a desired skill to have according to the posting. It wouldn’t be a super nice portfolio, but I can make it work given the short notice, and I think as long as it’s clean that having something is better than nothing.


Big Bad came over later in the evening. It was a nice to let go of all of the stress regarding the apartment and this potential job. Getting the job would mean society can go fuck itself. If I get the artist position and not the QA tester I will be making way more than what I ever did at Full Sail and there would be no question about being able to secure an apartment, any apartment. 


If I happen to get an interview I’m going to be up front about my situation and how December is going to suck. At the moment it’s back to playing the waiting game I suppose since I won’t know anything today, most likely for the next few days.


As far as how today is supposed to shape out. I have combat practice for SCA in 20 minutes, so I’ll be late showing up but I’m ok with that. It’s a three-hour practice today. I most likely won’t stay for all of it. But it will be good to get out and have some sunshine for a little bit. It will be good to practice something that I can lose myself in.


I started listening to American Gods the other day. It’s good so far, and longer than the young adult books I’ve been listening to, so it should last me a little bit. After combat I’ll most likely come back, shower, and stitch for a bit while listening to the book. Maybe after I write that pesky cover letter… Eventually I need to go grocery shopping since I’m down to not having food again. At least nothing except burger patties, which are good, but doesn’t leave me much else.


So I’m hoping today is a fairly low key day. And with that I’m off to go beat people up with swords.


Post 0117: Happy New Year


It’s 2015 where I am at. About 40 minutes into it actually.

I have spent the past few hours literally reading every post I have made.

I even went through and marked certain ones as “defining moments”. Posts where I figured something out about myself, or events that I feel significantly affected me. Posts that I read and re-read, over and over, after I posted them.

It was good. It made me realize how much I have gone through in such a short amount of time. How much of it has been recent.

I don’t know where that leaves me.

Tired, since I have been sleeping so poorly and have stayed up so late.

Hungry because I’ve been ignoring the fact that I need food.

Reflective, thinking back to all of those events and the emotions I felt.

Proud because I feel like I am standing taller than I was when I first began this blog. Because I can see the path my journey has taken so far.

Content that tomorrow is a new day. A new year. A new start. A new chance to be a better me.

And I think happy. Happy that I have moved forward in my life. Happy that I have made progress in my spiritual, healing, journey.

I did well this year.

I made mistakes, and I learned from them. I lived my life the way I thought I should. I made the choices I thought were right at the time. I did my best, and I’m happy with that.

So here’s to another year.

Post 0116: 2014 in Review


I thought this was pretty interesting, and cute.

The left side of my brain likes numbers and random facts, and the right side of my brain was happy that the layout had pretty colors and stuff.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read about my craziness.

I hope your New Year’s Eve is off to a great start and that 2015 is a fantastic year for you.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 420 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Post 0044: Wherefore blog?


One of the things I’ve been poking around at lately is the Blogging 101 posts offered by WordPress.

I’m pretty sure I was sent emails when I first started my blog as a way to get familiar with the interface and different tips and tricks to making my blog successful. And like any good Internet user, I deleted them because they were totally irrelevant at the time. : D

To be honest, and fair, at the time I was more focused on getting my life back in order and feeling like I had solid ground under my feet. As an earth dragon, that whole free falling feeling is completely overrated and something I try to avoid at all costs. I am a land lover for sure.

Making my blog ‘appealing’ and ‘customizing my header’ were so not even in my realm of importance. Making sure I could pay rent was, making sure I had an emotionally safe place to call home was, making sure I had a car that would start when I turned the key… Now those were things I had on my mind. And my blog gave me a place to write everything out, to untangle all of the emotions and confusion that I as feeling.

Now that it has been a few months, I’m actually interested in turely making my blog my own, rather than the cookie cutter template that I downloaded. Soooo… that means I’m actually interested in all of those emails that I deleted way back in the day when my blog was a baby.

Go figure, that stuff was actually important. XD

Well, one of the first things suggested is to make a post explaining your purpose behind blogging. You know, that deep, dark, burning question everyone wants answered.

“Why do you blog? What is the hidden purpose behind your words?” /super mystical voice with wavy fingers

I never really had a definite, written down, thought out purpose to writing. Writing makes me feel better, so I do it. Seemed logical enough to me.

It started out way back in the day, about two years ago now, as Google docs, where I would try to write each day, like a journal. I chose to do it digitally because it was faster for me to type than to write by hand, and because I can make back ups of the files. I also don’t have to worry about having 9 million journals to pack and move, in addition to all of the books I already own.

Digital just seemed like the smart choice.

I got tired of the Google Doc set up though. The lack of design and creativity to the document left the artist in me starved, and I didn’t like that I couldn’t really share my thoughts with anyone. Not that I ever really had anything important to say, but sometimes I would have super deep, philosophical thoughts and they would just be words on a page that no one would ever see.

It made writing seem sort of pointless. It’s like art. What is the point of drawing, or creating, if no one ever knows you did it? What is the point of writing, thinking, expressing, if it is never seen?

I didn’t know how to change that core disconnect with the Google Docs, and I was having a hard time motivating myself to be consistent with writing. Eventually it fell to the wayside and I stopped all together.

When I started dating my most recent ex, he encouraged me to write again, and that he wanted to read my writings. To make it easy for him to access them, I created a WordPress blog.

I created it for him, and I thought of the blog as ‘ours’ in a way. It wasn’t mine, though I was the one writing. It was created for another person, and was an expression for them, so it wasn’t solely an expression of myself. It was an extension of our relationship.

When we broke up it didn’t feel right to continue using it. We weren’t together any more. We were over, and one of the final acts to solidify our breakup was deleting the blog.

I did not save any of those posts. Part of me wishes I had, but another part of me thinks it was for the best. Leave the past where it is meant to be. Move forward.

I enjoyed the WordPress blog, though. There was color, and layout, and other people could look at it and comment. It was so much more than the Google Docs. And I had come to accept the fact that writing was good for me.

I realized that writing was emotionally and spiritually healthy for me, and that it was something I should continue doing, regardless of if I was dating anyone or not. Regardless of if anyone read my thoughts, or not. I should write for myself, because it made me happy to do so, and I deserve to be happy.

So I went about creating my own blog, one specifically for me. And so here I am, writing a post about why I blog on my blog. : D

I do not view my journal as a private thing. I feel in small, one on one situations, I am very much an open book, and I am open to discuss almost any matter as long as there is respect and understanding from the person I am conversing with.

Online environments give me the same feeling of closeness. Instead of being in front of a giant crowd, I interact with one person at a time. It allows my introverted nature to share without being overwhelmed. It is easier to share personal thoughts and feelings because the situation doesn’t feel as threatening.

It’s funny how a screen can make you feel so detached from another person, and yet at the same time bring you so close to one another.

I feel that my whole purpose, my calling in life, is to share. To share my experiences, my thoughts, my feelings. Through sharing we help each other grow and learn. We become better people through knowledge.

Writing gives me an outlet for my emotions. I am able to let my fingers move over the keyboard as if it were a piano, writing out the notes of my life into an eloquent song for others to experience along with me.

Through this expression I connect, and that makes me feel whole. It brings me peace.

Writing gives me a record of my life that I can look back on. When I have bad days I can look back at the rest of my week and realize that things really aren’t as dark as they seem. All of my other days were good, it’s just this one instance that is rough, and it will pass.

I am able to realize just how productive and amazing I am, because it is so easy to get down on myself for not doing more. I’m able to relive moments where I made a difference in someone’s life because I have an account of my feelings during that moment.

I would rather have a thousand words than a single picture. And these blog entries, these moments in time, are my words; my verbal pictures.

I write for myself, but having stopped to really analyze it, I write because I hope to make things better. I write for tomorrow, I write for the hard days, I write so that somewhere, someday, my words might help someone. Mainly me. I created this blog for myself, and I will continue to let it be an ever-growing expression of who I am.

But if my words can help myself, then who is to say they won’t help someone else?

So there is the backstory to this whole endeavor. No saving the world, no ‘how to’ tips and tricks, no sagely advice.

Just a quiet corner of the Internet for me, my thoughts, and anyone willing to take the time to read them.