Daily Post 003: Puzzle Memories

Hello Universe,

I should have known that eventually, I would be back here talking to you and wishing you would give me insight. 

Today has been a good day and yet I am sad. I miss mom. I started working on a puzzle I got for myself; a birthday present. And now I am sad. I miss the times mom and I worked on puzzles together. I miss her getting excited when she got a piece. I miss HER. All of her. The her that can’t be put into words. 

I wish I knew what I was supposed to learn from the pain. I wish I understood.

But I don’t. I’ve had a fairly productive day and I enjoyed my time working on the puzzle and yet I hurt and want to cry. 

I wish you could talk to me. I wish… I don’t know… that I didn’t feel like a failure every time I want to cry over things people think are silly. I wish society was better about embracing emotions rather than forcing people to be happy all the time. 

I wish you were here, Mom. I think you would like this puzzle. It’s pretty. It has lots of weird-shaped pieces so it would be easier for you to find matches. I miss the hours we would spend together listening to music and talking about nothing while we put tiny pieces of colored cardboard together. I love you so much. I’ll get through tonight, but I feel like it’s going to be a hard night and I hope that’s still ok. 

I’ll try to write a more cheerful post tomorrow. 

I love you, Mom. Forever and for always.