Yesterday ended up being an alright day. It was rainy and yucky. Not cool. : /
I talked to Ox and Jon before creating a to-do list. I messaged L. I wrote and posted. I cleaned the litter box and made sure the cats had food and water. #goodFurMom
I showered, got dressed, took the trash out, then loaded up the car with my laundry and the cardboard I have accumulated over the past few weeks.
I went to counseling. We talked pretty extensively about covid-19. How was I handling the changes in regards to school, work, and personal life? What were some of the possible changes regarding counseling access in the future if stricter measures were put into place? I talked about how I felt I had fallen off the “self-care” train, but that I was getting back on it and seemed to be better for it. It was a good session and I’m glad I went.
I went to the house after leaving campus. I started my laundry. Ox and I had sexy time, but it didn’t go very well. It was short and immediately switched from a D/s situation back to normal everyday life and my brain was having a hard time with that. I ended up going back to the apartment while Ox was in the shower.
I could have handled the situation better. At the time, I felt I needed space because I knew all of the emotions were my own. Ox hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he had done pretty much everything that I have mentioned wanting at one point or another. Not every fair of me to come back now and be like, “QQ that wasn’t what I wanted”.
Needless to say, he wasn’t expecting me to be gone when he got out of the shower. He called, but my phone was still on silent from counseling. He proceeded to send text messages which caused my phone to vibrate. I was in bed under the covers trying to figure out what was going on inside my brain.
We tried to talk for a little while, but it wasn’t a very productive conversation. I wasn’t at a place mentally and emotionally to really articulate why our encounter was bothering me the way it was. Since our upcoming D&D session was switched to an online platform, we agreed to talk later once I came back over to game.
Despite the unaddressed yuckiness between us, Ox was kind enough to switch my laundry to the dryer for me. I cuddled with the kittens for a while, which helped. Eventually, I got up and started plucking away at more chores. I had to run out to Dollar General for dish scrubs. I had thought I had two under the sink, so I threw out the current one only to discover that, no, I didn’t have dish scrubs and now had no way to clean my dishes…
After completing that unexpected errand, I began cooking the pasta dish I had planned as a meal for this coming week. It’s been so long since I’ve had anything with noodles. While I’ve been fine without them, there are several recipes that I like that I haven’t been making due to a lack of decent noodle replacement.
The other week while Ox and I were at Costco, we found a box of “Healthy Noodles”. They’re a little expensive; $15 for six bags. Ox encouraged me to try them so we got a box.
Last week I used them for the first time in a chicken alfredo recipe. The noodles were different from regular noodles, but they weren’t bad. I was ok with them enough to give them a shot in other recipes.
Enter my decision to try making my spaghetti sauce with them.
Sooooo goooood. Oh man. I can’t wait to make some of my other recipes. We actually got a second box of them on Tuesday while we were at Costco for our weekly shopping trip.
Anywho… It felt good to cut up the veggies and wash the dishes and to cook a meal that I haven’t been able to enjoy in months. At least not the way I want to enjoy it since Lil’ Ox is finicky and doesn’t like mushrooms or onions, or because Mama Ox doesn’t add basil to the sauce…
No. This time it was made right AND I got to have it with noodles. /swoon
Ox and I talked again once I got the sauce to a point where it was simmering. I talked a bit more, explaining that the previous night I had spent literally hours trying to take care of my arousal on my own, only to give up because it wasn’t working. I wanted him and no amount of sexy brain power was going to change the fact that I was on my own and that’s not what I or my body wanted.
During our conversation, I was finally able to explain my experience the previous night and that in my head, I had built up our next encounter into something a bit different than what it had turned out to be and how things had so quickly gone back to normal as if nothing had happened at all. It had hurt and while, yes, Ox and I were fine, I needed time to get over my emotions and that’s why I had left.
I wasn’t feeling up for being around people. Lil’ Ox was still at the house and Mama Ox had just gotten home. Instead of going to the house to game, I stayed at the apartment which let me continue to be productive.
I looked at my online class. Nothing has been posted or changed so there wasn’t anything for me to do… I’m not surprised since the whole school is having to switch their class content to an online format. I’m going to look into it later today. If nothing else, I’ll do the reading so once the assignments are posted I can complete them quickly.
I did get a reply back from an RN who works with my primary care physician. She basically blew off my request for a refill of Zoloft, saying I had two refills left and needed to contact my pharmacy.
Me: Thank you for your reply to my message. I have been taking a single 25mcg tablet of Zoloft daily since January and currently do not have refills left from the original prescription. I still have roughly two weeks of the medication left but was unsure of what actions needed to be completed in regards to obtaining additional refills. If the refill would be for another 90 days, I would need the pharmacy switched due to insurance coverage to [new pharmacy]. Am I able to contact them directly about the refill or does this need to go through processing at your office first? I look forward to your reply with any further actions I can take to help facilitate a prescription renewal at the above location.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell people “fuck you” in a way that they actually feel good about it.
I haven’t received a reply yet. It’s still early in the morning though. They haven’t been open for very long.
Anyway… On to D&D… which will be a majority of this post since it sucked last night. Pretty hardcore actually…
We spent two hours getting on to Roll20 and figuring out audio settings for everyone. The GM kept having lag issues, so he constantly had to disconnect or refresh. After a while of not being able to even type in the chat window because the lag was so bad, I suggested we try Skype instead.
So then we all had to switch over to that and remember our login information and get it sent to Dark so she could create a call for the group…
Once we finally got to a point where we could game, Dark decided to spend nearly an hour and a half going off and doing her own thing without talking to the party about it first. When the party finally was reunited she proceeded to act as if she were the group leader, conveying information to the queen of the lizardfolk, but she was doing such a poor job of it and giving such misinformation that my character called her out.
Dagger: Actually, you can’t promise any of those things because we don’t know what the humans will actually do once we return to them. And really, the humans wanted us to come here to ask two questions specifically, which you haven’t asked, so it’s highly unlikely that they would help at all even if we did return to them. By the way, your majesty, is Saltmarsh safe and what has really been going on for your people with these attacks and stuff?
Seriously, last night was one of those moments where inside my head I’m thinking, “go fuck yourself. I hope your character dies”.
Irrational Right Brain: I get that your the DM’s wife but literally everyone is tired of the time you waste bickering with your husband when he makes a ruling you don’t like or agree with. We’re all tired of you not acting like you’re part of the group and running off to do your own thing and then getting pissy when you trigger a trap or something and no one is there to help save you. For being the person who “needed D&D” in your life, you seem to be doing everything possible to make this a mind-numbingly tedious experience for everyone else involved. The campaign doesn’t revolve around you.
I told Ox that I wasn’t sure if the group would last long enough to finish the campaign with the way it has been going. I can see the other two members getting tired of wasting their time and quitting or trying to find a better group. I wouldn’t blame them since I got more play time then they did and that’s saying something since I barely got to do anything at all.
On the bright side, I did get to sing my first song as a bard. : D
Ok… maybe I didn’t exactly “sing” it since it’s more of a poem than a song… but I wrote it off the top of my head none the less and I’m proud of it so I’m going to post it here to make everyone suffer just like my D&D group. ^^
Dagger’s First Poem:
Oh queen, oh queen do come to thee
Please grace this party with your divine beauty
From distant lands we have traveled far
To speak to you about troubles so large
Though draconic words not all we speak
Help we offer if perchance we meet
Oh queen of queen please come to me
I ask you grace this Tabaxie with your grand company
Totally sang/spoke that while I sat on the throne in the throne room since we were left unattended. Either she would love my song or be pissed that I was in her seat. I was ok with either as long as she showed up and we got to talk to her. XD
I’m thinking about reach out to the DM. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that before. If I haven’t, I’ve thought it enough times to feel bad for not having done it yet. I’m also thinking of forcing a bit of role-playing into our next session. Not in a bad way… but our party is pretty disjointed and this recent experience with the lizardfolk queen proves it. We need to sit down as characters and actually start understanding one another and decide how we want to be structured as a party. Do we have a leader? Is it more of a democracy where everyone gets to throw in a vote? We have some downtime before we embark on our quest to take out the traitorous priests and their 1000 teeth monster. Hopefully, our group can figure out what type of party we want to be before we get there.
So yeah, D&D wasn’t awesome, but it had its moments. The miniatures Ox and I ordered came in yesterday, but since we played online we didn’t really get to use them. Much lame. ;-;
Since the online option didn’t seem to work out all that well, I offered to host our next campaign here at the apartment. Everyone seems on board with it, so we’ll see how next Wednesday goes. I’m hoping it will be better.
After D&D, Ox came over since Lil’ Ox had gone back to her mom’s house earlier in the evening. There was mind-melting sexy role play sexy time. When I say this was a level of hawt never yet experienced, I mean it was a level of hawt that had never yet been experienced. Sooooooo insanely good. Hooooooly fuck. I’m still floating on a personal cloud of bliss this morning, and that’s after a six-pound cat decided to wake me up by jumping off the windowsill directly onto one of my ovaries. >.<;
Not how I wanted to start the day, but still not bad enough to fuck with my feelings from last night’s amazingly dirty, depraved, slutty fun time. Not even going to be sorry if language like that causes anyone to blush. Yeah. It was so good I’m not even able to feel embarrassed about it. My stress levels are beyond appreciative.
Today is yet again a dreary, rainy day. At least it’s not snow…? It’s also decently warm rather than freezing. I’m pretty low energy. Most likely because after making two drinks last night during D&D I had total faith in my ability to make a third drink.
My head: I have regrets. Many, many regrets. >.<;
Luckily, I don’t have a lot to do today. I got a message from work last night during D&D asking if I would cover a shift for incentive pay, but it got covered by someone else. Not complaining. I have to get the clothes from the house so I can’t put them away at some point. Not sweating over it.
Really… I wouldn’t mind doing a bunch of nothing. My final meal is cooking at the moment and that’s pretty self-sufficient since all it needs to do is bake for an hour. I’ve written what feels like a massive post… With everything else in my life still mostly stable and quiet I feel like I can actually afford to chill today and enjoy some stillness and peace.