Gratitude:
My blog and blank word documents where I’m able to emotionally vomit all the crap inside my head. Also energy drink boxes. Pic relevant.
#1 Goal:
Enjoying the day.
#1 Concern:
Finding pants for work that I like.
#1 Achievement:
I got a job!
Gratitude:
Curse words because the past two weeks has been some bullshit.
#1 Goal:
Not to lose my shit.
#1 Concern:
Losing my shit.
#1 Achievement:
Not losing my shit up to this point in time.
Gratitude:
Friendly customer service and Ox’s willingness to help me salvage my financial life.
#1 Goal:
Not wasting today.
#1 Concern:
Still being super tired and not getting a hell of a lot done.
#1 Achievement:
Writing.
Gratitude:
I’m grateful for conversations with my dad.
#1 Goal:
Finish putting up the joists with Ox. Keeping on the “spoiler” train. Project “do work before playing video games” was a success.
#1 Concern:
Driving to see my brother.
#1 Achievement:
Paying bills and not crying.
Gratitude:
I’m grateful for showers.
#1 Goal:
Work on the addition with Ox. Spoiler. We crushed it.
#1 Concern:
Being super tired tomorrow.
#1 Achievement:
Since I’m writing this late… Actually working on the addition and making pretty decent visual progress.
Gratitude:
I am grateful for my body and not dying during workouts.
#1 Goal:
Complete a minor grocery trip since I forgot to buy bread for Ox and run to the apartment office because they’re jerks and won’t let me pay the renter’s insurance fee online.
#1 Concern:
Being ridiculously sore over the weekend and not getting a whole hell of a lot done.
#1 Achievement:
Made it to the gym today. /flex
Gratitude:
I am grateful for supportive teammates at work.
#1 Goal:
Survive my first gym class.
#1 Concern:
Dying a public, ungraceful death during my gym class.
#1 Achievement:
Getting a gym membership yesterday.
Gratitude:
I am grateful for quiet time, self-reflections, and writing prompts.
#1 Goal:
Getting a new gym membership.
#1 Concern:
Spending tonight alone.
#1 Achievement:
Surviving 2.5 days with a 12-year-old and not feeling emotionally and mentally tapped out. A lot of that has to do with structuring “down-time” into the days so I could write or cross-stitch. Being kind and considerate of my extreme introversion helped me avoid panic attacks when the inevitable question of “What are we doing next?” was asked.
Gratitude:
I am grateful for the love and compassion in my life, even when, and I suppose especially when I am unable and/or unwilling to give those things to myself.
#1 Goal:
Writing, again, because I really don’t want to do this right now because it’s painful. Also surviving because while it feels like my world is in shambles the Universe thought it would be amusing to give me a period from hell as icing on the cake.
#1 Concern:
Witing. Sharing my life and my feelings about my situation online for strangers to see. Being vulnerable. Being authentic and facing social rejection due to being myself. Being unworthy and ruined and all of the things I say inside my head being true.
#1 Achievement:
Writing last night. Finally facing myself. My blog has become an extension of myself. Until I wrote I knew anything I was doing to move forward was half-hearted at best. And maybe that’s not the best phrasing to use… Without writing there was still a level of avoidance present. I have taken that first step, and because I have I feel I can keep taking small, uncertain, painful steps towards a stronger me.
When a sword breaks in battle it can either be left broken and useless or it can be reforged. During the reforging process, impurities and weaknesses are removed from the melted metal, resulting in a stronger weapon after the process is complete. Breaking is a horrific process. Reforging oneself is painful. The end result is worth the effort.
I am trying to keep that in mind. The words of my Blacksmith have echoed softly in my head through this period of silence in my writings. “It is not your place to be sorry. It is your place to be strong.” Sorrow does not change the past. Nothing changes the past. Only action and effort have the ability to change things. I’m working on making myself better. The only way to do that is to reforge my broken pieces, addressing things in my life, my mentality, and my behaviors that led to my situation.
Gratitude:
I am grateful for the people in my life who help me stay balanced and maintain a clear perspective, even when craft stores are jerks and refuse to have THE ONE thread I need to finish a project.
#1 Goal:
Packing up my cork boards.
#1 Concern:
Now that I’m feeling better that the weather is going to be crap for the next forever and I’ll never get anything accomplished ever.
#1 Achievement:
Finishing all of my meal prep yesterday.
Warrior Freya 